Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I'm talking to you... but you are not listening...
long time no talk eh?
Can I actually miss venting my frustrations at the world through an impersonal blog?
I missed you baby..
find peace in promising what you cannot deliver
Down the beaten path once again.
Following a bread crumb trail that is sure to lead to the witch's oven.
Or those nasty dreams that don't have the decency to stop making me cry by just becoming nightmares.
I drop a letter through the whore of Babylon's mail slot and hope when she reads it,
that it elicits a giggle and possibly a deep empathetic sigh.
Glancing at the sky the clouds grow dark and soon my face becomes wet with rain.
I smell wet dessert... a combination of cooling heat, dead animal and saturated ragweed.
My feet fall heavier today and tonight I will lay back on my beaten bed frame feeling the throb in my soul baring heels.
I feel almost positive when I get a nasty case of the blues...
As my heart grows so heavy
all I can do is lay down on the pavement like a dying dog panting...
Teeth chewing down the fat of our love
Gnashing and salivating.
Doing what a man of my size and girth does best.
Swallow the fat. Thick and full of our viciousness.
While one of us cries the thousandth time in our corner,
paint peeling off the walls wet with too many tears.
I kick and punch holes in these rotting walls until the strength leaves me...
And all that remains is light pink bloodstains from my battered knuckles.
I want to lay a violent kiss on that beautiful mouth of yours...
But cannot seem to get past your words.
I scribble down my feelings in a rage spilling out raw emotions.
I wad up this testament and I throw it at your feet.
And we both just stare at each others face...
Cruel and Beautiful.
And I walk away only half caring if you ever pick that piece of trash up at all. ____________________________________________________________________
I can almost taste the metal in my mouth
Like a handgun shoved half way down the throat.
This slow change from man to machine is much too honest.
Hello cold stare and hollow voice.
Hello blank slate never again to be filled with warmth and color.
My tongue exploring where my mouth had been, now only can taste metal as it slides around the smooth interior of a jawbone now made of wires and rusted screws.
A reverse Cinderella.
They say when you drink cyanide, before you die...
you taste almonds.
In this present state that is no longer an option.
Powering down. Shutting off. Unplugged. ____________________________________________________________________
Dreams in a half awake world of wonder and sacrifice.
Tired of being tired.
Staring at the face in the mirror is like a look back at the glory days of Sideshow wonders.
Dark circles under the eyes.
Looking like a reject from the classic "Night of the living dead".
When driving, often wondering how the wind must feel crashing against this dirty windshield.
Can somebody suffocate while walking around, conscious and putting on fake yet believable smiles?
I am limping through my life with a soul that is blistering.
When some days I just want to hold a hand.
I need to open up this head and spill out all those things that had convinced you all to fall in love with me to begin with and give them some air, and sort out the skeletal remains of those that had died a long, long time ago.
If I am failing you I am truly sorry, As it just happens that I am overwhelmingly good at it.
Smile for me, let it be genuine and possibly maybe... You might just get one back.
That's all for right now,
I hope you are all doing well.
(Especially you Sheri..)
Milk and Kisses.
How can you save me when you can't save yourself?
"nothing can save
it keeps the walls
— Charles Bukowski
it keeps the walls
— Charles Bukowski