The best thing about life, Is knowing you put it together

"They look like big strong hands... don't they?"

Water rolls down the skin like tiny beads..
Eyes close so that they might see.
Illum tangendo (touching him)
This sun is a star in someone else's sky
Illum tangendo (touching him)
This moon is making someone cry...
Illum tangendo (touching him)

Captain PirateFace say's "Ahoy!"

Captain PirateFace say's "Ahoy!"
Updated by, Captain PirateFace

The Captain

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This is not an Exit

Never Say Die!!!





























"the tigers have found me
and I do not care."

Charles Bukowski

there is no fear here

there is no fear here
there is a fear here

Monday, June 30, 2008

staring off the cliff below...

Photobucket
"Wind in your sail"
-By Lagwagon-

It's negative
I wish you the worst dear,
to feel the greatest pain
A positive
You say it's all in vain
I know I felt, and I won't feel again
I know you Hours of madness, years of dysfunction,
the deepest embitterment No will to strive or achieve,
finale in breakdown
Perpetual fall on your knees, as you crawl back to me
It ends like this I can hope for bliss, if you fail again
'Cause I'm right here, to witness every step And when you trip,
I will cherish it
Hours of madness, years of dysfunction, the deepest embitterment
No will to strive or achieve, finale in breakdown
Perpetual fall on your knees, as you crawl back to me
I live to watch you fail, I live to watch you fail I live to watch you fail,
I am the wind in your sail
I wish you the worst dear, to feel the greatest pain
'Cause I'm right here, to retrieve all you stole
Every tear, and everything you own I wish you Hours of madness,
years of dysfunction, the deepest embitterment
No will to trust anyone
This is how I lived, this is how you left me blue
As I crawl back to you.
___________________________________________
i am listening to: "Mountain Halo" by: The Appleseed Cast.
______________________________________________

*
Bathing in moonlight while swallowing death

The current has shifted and brought me out to a wretched suck in the water dragging me deep into the undertow where the waves pound me against the jagged coral and slimy stones at the oceans floor. I inhale salt water and feel an instant burn in my lungs. I think of you and this life within you and without. I smile opening my mouth to let the ocean embrace me with icy fingers clawing down my throat. I let the ocean take me... drowning away my life, my pain and complications. Drowning away my memories of you. Sleep carefully my love... may you never have to swim this cold ocean alone. ____________________________________________________________________ Photobucket
So, things aren't ok anymore. i am in a tailspin like never before. i hate to be cryptic but i fear i cannot let this well fastened mask slip and show my true face in these here parts. words avoid me... leaving me that much more alone as not being able to let this rage and sadness loose from my burning aggravated gut. time will go by and one day i will be me again, but until then i am lost. a man with no home. a man with no heart.

*

Lost in childhood

mother.
these attacks that happen in increased viciousness and thick with venom must stop.
i need protection from this pain in a makeshift womb.
mother...
call your angry sisters and daughters away from this carrion man i have become
and spare my wounded heart from being picked clean.
stop the severity of their claws from lovingly separating tired skin
from it's soft and beaten flesh.
mommy.
they wound me and wound me...
licking the blood from their lips while smiling dark wicked smiles
reserved for make believe witches in fairy tales.
mom.
my soul is so very tired my heart beat has slowed to the steady crawl,
catching the rhythm of my tears.
lock me away this man child of your that i have become.
and i am so nearly gone that the shadows behind me threaten to devour me whole.
my internal scream comes spilling out from the throat in the form of a low guttural whisper.
and i cannot wait for the day when i have no voice to speak with.
when these dreadful, pain filled words cease to be.
i can almost feel that darkness awaiting me.

mom,
i wont forget to say goodbye to all your sisters and daughters and vengeful goddesses.
blowing a kiss before bowing out of this madness forever.
just another dark stain in the night sky.

*
Everyday

I know that I have been poisoned by you.
And my attempts at keeping those painful memories at bay
would take a lifetime to suppress.
And like a caged rat I gnaw at the bars wearing my teeth down
to broken and bloodied fragments.
Just like my own worn out caged rat's heart.
But maybe I am just bitter,
never thinking this shiny blade penetrating my gut
would have been lovingly plunged in by you.

*
Pillow Talk

We have been whispering little secrets into tear stained pillows.
Sharing fears and fantasies with whatever ghost sits listening in our room.
All these dreaded and perverse little secrets.
Begging beyond the walls for some of those secrets to fade away...
die off...
never have been whispered.
Even if they kill a little part of you.
Dying slowly per lost secret is far better than living with this heavy heart.

I wish I could share it all with you.

However it affects you.


















and i am gone
Photobucket
Captain PirateFace





Tuesday, June 17, 2008

...

so, shit has officially hit the fan and I really cannot speak about it at the moment, so as of now until further notice...
no personal blog posts, just poetry. interpret it as you will. someday I will explain all. Just know I need all your support and I am hurting more than I have ever hurt before in my entire life.

Love and respect to all of you.


Captain PirateFace

Monday, June 02, 2008

Sunday, June 01, 2008

the world is slowly turning as i sit silently in the dark


sorry for the lack of updates, if anybody has noticed.
I have not forgotten the California trip update there is just a load to cover.
i feel bad as i cannot seem to get the words out of my head lately and express myself poetically or otherwise and it's keeping me all pent up. i am guessing it's mostly due to stress. stress of work, money, being an asshole daily, being married to the girl of my dreams who despises me.
hopefully something solid will show back up at this blog sooner than later.

wish me luck.



captain pirateface

How can you save me when you can't save yourself?

"nothing can save
you
except
writing.
it keeps the walls
from
failing."

Charles Bukowski