Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Yet again. So she took me off her facebook. And she is done of me I believe. Another girl I have fallen in love with leaves with a "fuck you". I must deserve this? As it keeps happening and happening. I am so fucking sad right now. All I can do is duck in and out of the bathroom all day so my son doesn't see me crying. I love this girl so much... I should of known it wouldn't last... she's a ten and I am a one. I miss you already Briana... how dare you brake my heart? Like you said you wouldn't do? Like all the others said... I love you. And now I only have my son again. My anchor to the world... without him I would die. I don't want to lose my girl... I just don't know what to do.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
So... I almost broke my knuckles this weekend. I punched a heavy wooden furniture item and it was much stronger than I and clearly the victor. So... suffice to say I am a fucking moron. I am tired and sad... what's new right? I have come to the conclusion that I am just... tired. Beat the fuck down. Nobody who loves me can tell me why they love me... its like they just do so because they are supposed too. And those that say they love me can't seem to stand to be around me. I'm fucking up again lately... I don't want to speak it aloud... but I am fucking up.
God help me.
What of my girlfriend you ask?
The girl I love recently lost somebody close to her and its hurting her deeply. All I can do is stand aside and be there.... hopefully she doesn't forget me.
Everyone is going away and I am powerless to stop them.
I can't write anymore tonight...
Saturday, February 18, 2012
I don't feel right lately... like, nothing really seems to make sense or work out lately. I am tired... all the way down to my soul. I wish I knew what to do... this whole "thing" is fucking with my emotions. And those are fucked enough. Whatever... who fucking cares anyway?
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Sunday, February 05, 2012
It seems as though... despite all my best attempts at happiness... I am doomed. So, this week I plan to go to the dr and go back on anti-depressants. I have made this choice because lately I have had terrible, terrible thoughts. And... I am afraid I will fall back into "other" things to numb pain and forget depression. But no matter how many pills I end up taking to make me "smile" my life won't get better. People will still treat me like shit. I will still be broke all the time. I will still be alone.
Thursday, February 02, 2012
How can you save me when you can't save yourself?
it keeps the walls
— Charles Bukowski