Sunday, February 25, 2007
I have decided one thing for sure tonight...
I fucking "HATE" 30 Seconds to Mars fans.
What a fake, rotten bunch of horrible people.
Everybody there looked like they "thought" they belonged in a GAP commercial.
The show was decent, Jared Leto performed sick so he could only really sing half of his songs. His voice when he did sing though was almost of CD quality. But, watching him onstage it seems he is trying too hard to make the audience his. (Relax Dude, you sold out the venue... it's all good...)
Some girl asked me if she could get on my shoulders... I politely declined. Then not a moment after I had another girl (very drunk) pet the back of my head and tell me that I looked like I could be Jared Leto's brother... I replied "Yeah his fat/chunky brother." She laughed and proceeded to grind dance to 30 Seconds to Mars with a frat guy nearby who gladly shoved his pelvis near her drunken wobbly ass.
All in all it was good times.
My wife punched some girl in the face twice for being a bitch. I got annoyed because it felt like I was back at work. Such is life eh?
And earlier in the evening at an art thing on Maryland Parkway I got to witness first hand, in true life.... A Rocky Horror Picture Show Meltdown Extravaganza! Now before I enlighten you to this story let me first tell you that the cast members involved were all in full dress for their parts... yeah it was funny. So the girl playing Columbia walks passed me pissed off and is followed by a very tall, very gay Dr. Frankenfurter. Columbia throws her hat on the table, Angrily pulls off her sparkly jacket and Say's something along the lines of "I can't take this shit!" Then proceeds to open her backpack scattering a few random objects. On the side the characters of Brad and Riff-Raff watch stunned and looking slightly too scared to move. Dr. Frankenfurter convinces Columbia somehow to stay and she puts her sparkly jacket back on and stomps off passing me going the other direction this time, tears welled up in her mack-up caked eyes followed by a troubled looking man-boy Dr. Frankenfurter, a perplexed Riff-Raff and a very bored looking Brad. Later from what I could make out, Dr. Frankenfurter and Riff-Raff were what seemed to me bitching to a scary looking Magenta about Columbia and ended once and for all when Dr. Scott came by the bitchfest and handed flyer's for Rocky Horror to all and said to get passing them out.
It should be a play in itself.
So, tell your buddy's and pall's to come check out the insignificant ramblings of a tragicomic fat man boy child poet by the name of.... (Drum roll please......)
Friday, February 23, 2007
When Jim Jones Delivered this speech to the drained and programmed followers, he himself was on an astounding amount of drugs. When ill congregation joined him he would keep all prescriptions for himself to binge on pharmaceuticals whenever it tickled his fancy. Jim Jones was a sinister and vile bastard, but to some degree... charismatic and brilliant. A scary combination that fascinates me to no end.
JIM JONES: How very much I've tried my best to give you a good life. But in spite of all of my trying a handful of our people, with their lies, have made our lives impossible. There's no way to detach ourselves from what's happened today.
Not only are we in a compound situation, not only are there those who have left and committed the betrayal of the century, some have stolen children from others, and they are in pursuit right now to kill them because they stole their children. And we are sitting here waiting on a powder keg.
I don't think it is what we want to do with our babies--I don't think that's what we had in mind to do with our babies. It is said by the greatest of prophets from time immemorial: "No man may take my life from me; I lay my life down." So to sit here and wait for the catastrophe that's going to happen on that airplane--it's going to be a catastrophe. It almost happened here. Almost happened when the congressman was nearly killed here. You can't steal people's children. You can't take off with people's children without expecting a violent reaction. And that's not so unfamiliar to us either--even if we were Judeo-Christian--if we weren't Communists. The world (inaudible) suffers violence, and the violent shall take it by force. If we can't live in peace, then let's die in peace. (Applause.)
We've been so betrayed. We have been so terribly betrayed. (Music and singing) But we've tried and as (inaudible) ... if this only works one day it was worthwhile. (Applause.) Thank you.
Now what's going to happen here in a matter of a few minutes is that one of those people on that plane is going to shoot the pilot--I know that. I didn't plan it, but I know it's going to happen. They're gonna shoot that pilot and down comes that plane into the jungle. And we had better not have any of our children left when it's over because they'll parachute in here on us.
I'm going to be just as plain as I know how to tell you. I've never lied to you. I never have lied to you. I know that's what's gonna happen. That's what he intends to do, and he will do it. He'll do it.1
What's with being so bewildered with many, many pressures on my brain, seeing all these people behave so treasonous--there was too much for me to put together, but I now know what he was telling me. And it'll happen. If the plane gets in the air even.2
So my opinion is that you be kind to children and be kind to seniors and take the potion like they used to take in ancient Greece and step over quietly because we are not committing suicide; it's a revolutionary act. We can't go back; they won't leave us alone. They're now going back to tell more lies, which means more congressmen. And there's no way, no way we can survive.
Anybody. Anyone that has any dissenting opinion, please speak. Yes. (Inaudible.) You can have an opportunity, but if the children are left, we're going to have them butchered. We can make a strike, but we'll be striking against people that we don't want to strike against. What we'd like to get are the people that caused this stuff, and some, if some people here are prepared and know how to do that, to go in town and get Timothy Stoen, but there's no plane. There's no plane. You can't catch a plane in time.
He's responsible for it. He brought these people to us. He and Deanna Mertle.3 The people in San Francisco will not--not be idle. Now, would they? They'll not take our death in vain you know. Yes, Christine.
CHRISTINE MILLER: Is it too late for Russia?4
JONES: Here's why it's too late for Russia. They killed. They started to kill. That's why it makes it too late for Russia. Otherwise I'd say, yes, sir, you bet your life. But it's too late. I can't control these people. They're out there. They've gone with the guns. And it's too late. And once we kill anybody-- at least that's what I've always--I've always put my lot with you. If one of my people do something, it's me.
And they say I don't have to take the blame for this, but I don't live that way. They said deliver up Ujara5, who tried to get the man back here. Ujara, whose mother's been lying on him and lying on him and trying to break up this family. And they've all agreed to kill us by any means necessary. Do you think I'm going to deliver them Ujara? Not on your life. No.
MAN 1: I know a way to find Stoen if it'll help us.
JONES: No. You're not going. You're not going. You're not going. I can't live that way. I cannot live that way. I've lived with--for all. I'll die for all. (Applause.) I've been living on hope for a long time, Christine, and I appreciate you've always been a very good agitator. I like agitation because you have to see two sides of one issue, two sides of a question.
But what those people are gonna get done once they get through will make our lives worse than hell. Will make us--will make the rest of us not accept it. When they get through lying. They posed so many lies between there and that truck that we are--we are done-in as far as any other alternative.
MILLER: Well, I say let's make an airlift to Russia. That's what I say. I don't think nothing is impossible if you believe it.
JONES: How are we going to do that? How are you going to airlift to Russia?
MILLER: Well, I thought they said if we got in an emergency, they gave you a code to let them know.
JONES: No they didn't. They gave us a code that they'd let us know on that issue; not us create an issue for them. They said that we--if they saw the country coming down they agreed to give us the code. You can check on that and see if it's on the code. Check with Russia to see if they'll take us in immediately, otherwise we die. I don't know what else you say to these people. But to me death is not--death is not a fearful thing. It's living that's cursed. (Applause.) I have never, never, never, never seen anything like this before in my life. I've never seen people take the law and do--in their own hands and provoke us and try to purposely agitate mother of children. There is no need, Christine; it's not--it's just not worth living like this. Not worth living like this.
MILLER: I think that there were too few who left for twelve hundred people to give them their lives for those people that left.
JONES: Do you know how many left?
MILLER: Oh, twenty-odd. That's a small ...
JONES: Twenty-odd, twenty-odd.
MILLER: Compared to what's here.
JONES: Twenty-odd. But what's gonna happen when they don't leave? I hope that they could leave. But what's gonna happen when they don't leave?
MILLER: You mean the people here?
JONES: Yeah. What's going to happen to us when they don't leave, when they get on the plane and the plane goes down?
MILLER: I don't think they'll go down.
JONES: You don't think they'll go down? I wish I would tell you you're right, but I'm right. There's one man there who blames, and rightfully so, Debbie Blakey for the murder--for the murder of his mother6 and he'll--he'll stop that pilot by any means necessary. He'll do it. That plane'll come out of the air. There's no way you can fly a plane without a pilot.
MILLER: I wasn't speaking about that plane. I was speaking about a plane for us to go to Russia.
JONES: How ... to Russia? You think Russia's gonna want--no, it's not gonna, it's, it's, it's--you think Russia's gonna want us with all this stigma? We had some value, but now we don't have any value.
MILLER: Well, I don't see it like that. I mean, I feel like that--as long as there's life, there's hope. That's my faith.
JONES: Well--some--everybody dies. Some place that hope runs out because everybody dies. I haven't seen anybody yet didn't die. And I'd like to choose my own kind of death for a change. I'm tired of being tormented to hell, that's what I'm tired of. Tired of it. (Applause.)
I have twelve hundred people's lives in my hands, and I certainly don't want your life in my hands. I'm going to tell you, Christine, without me, life has no meaning. (Applause.) I'm the best thing you'll ever have.
I want, want, I have to pay--I'm standing with Ujara. I'm standing with those people. They are part of me. I could detach myself. I really could detach myself. No, no, no, no, no, no. I never detach myself from any of your troubles. I've always taken your troubles right on my shoulders. And I'm not going to change that now. It's too late. I've been running too long. Not going to change now. (Applause.)
Maybe the next time you'll get to go to Russia. The next time round.7 This is--what I'm talking about now is the dispensation of judgment. This is a revolutionary--a revolutionary suicide council. I'm not talking about self --self-destruction. I'm talking about that we have no other road. I will take your call. We will put it to the Russians. And I can tell you the answer now because I am a prophet.8 Call the Russians and tell them, and see if they'll take us.
MILLER: I said I'm not ready to die.
JONES: I don't think you are.
MILLER: But, ah, I look about at the babies and I think they deserve to live, you know?
JONES: I agree. But also they deserve much more; they deserve peace.
MILLER: We all came here for peace.
JONES: And we've--have we had it?
JONES: I tried to give it to you. I've laid down my life, practically. I've practically died every day to give you peace. And you still not have any peace. You look better than I've seen you in a long while, but it's still not the kind of peace that I want to give you. A person's a fool who continues to say that they're winning when you're losing. (Inaudible.) What? I didn't hear you ma'am. You'll have to speak up. Ma'am, you'll have to speak up.
JONES: That's a sweet thought. Who said that? Come on up and speak it again, Honey. Say what you want to say about... (inaudible).9 No plane is taking off. Suicide. Plenty have done it. Stoen has done it.10 Somebody ought to live. Somebody... (inaudible) I'll talk to San Francisco--see that Stoen does not get by with this infamy--this infamy. He has done the thing we wanted to do. Have us destroyed.
MILLER: When you--when you--when we destroy ourselves, we're defeated. We let them, the enemies, defeat us.
JONES: Did you see--did you see, "I will fight no more forever?"
MILLER: Yes, I saw that.
JONES: Did you not have some sense of pride and victory in that man? Yet he would not subject himself to the will or whim of people who tell them they want to come in whenever they please and push into our house. Come when they please, take who they want to, talk to who they want to--does this not living? That's not living to me. That's not freedom. That's not the kind of freedom I sought.
MILLER: Well I think where they made their mistake is when they stopped to rest. If they had gone on they would've made it. But they stopped to rest.11
JIM MCELVANE:12 Just hold on, (inaudible) would have made that day. We made a beautiful day, and let's make it a beautiful day. (Applause.)
JONES: We win when we go down. Tim Stoen has nobody else to hate. He has nobody else to hate. Then he'll destroy himself. I'm speaking here not as the administrator, I'm speaking as a prophet today.13 I wouldn't (inaudible) talk so serious if I didn't know what I was talking about. Has anybody called back? The immense amount of damage that's going to be done, but I cannot separate myself from the pain of my people. You can't either, Christine, if you stop to think about it. You can't separate yourself. We've walked too long together.
MILLER: I know that. But I still think, as an individual, I have a right to--
JONES: You do, and I'm listening.
MILLER: --to say what I think, what I feel. And think we all have a right to our own destiny as individuals.
MILLER: And I think I have a right to choose mine, and everybody else has a right to choose theirs.
MILLER: You know?
JONES: Mhm. I'm not criticizing.... What's that? (Inaudible woman's voice.)
MILLER: Well, I think I still have a right to my own opinion.
JONES: I'm not taking it from you. I'm not taking it from you.
MCELVANE: Christine, you're only standing here because he was here in the first place. So I don't know what you're talking about, having an individual life. Your life has been extended to the day that you're standing there because of him.
JONES: I guess she has as much right to speak as anybody else, too. What did you say, Ruby? (Inaudible.) Well, you'll regret that this very day if you don't die. You'll regret it if you do, though you don't die. You'll regret it.
WOMAN 1: (Inaudible.) ... You've saved so many people.
JONES: I've saved them. I saved them, but I made my example. I made my expression. I made my manifestation, and the world was ready, not ready for me. Paul said, "I was a man born out of due season." I've been born out of due season, just like all we are, and the best testimony we can make is to leave this goddamn world.14 (Applause.)
WOMAN 1: You must prepare to die.
MILLER: I'm not talking to her. Will you let--would you let her or let me talk?
JONES: Keep talking.
MILLER: Would you make her sit down and let me talk while I'm on the floor or let her talk?
JONES: How can you tell the leader what to do if you live? I've listened to you. You asked me about Russia. I'm right now making a call to Russia. What more do you suggest? I'm listening to you. You've yet to give me one slight bit of encouragement. I just now instructed her to go there and do that. (Voices.)15
MCELVANE: Alright now, everybody hold it. We didn't come--hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Let law be maintained. (Voices.)
JONES: Lay down your burden. I'm gonna lay down my burden. Down by the riverside. Shall we lay them down here by the side of Guyana? What's the difference? No man didn't take our lives. Right now. They haven't taken them. But when they start parachuting out of the air, they'll shoot some of our innocent babies. I'm not lying--I don't wanna (inaudible). But they gotta shoot me to get through to some of these people. I'm not letting them take your child. Can you let them take you child?
VOICES: No, no, no, no.
WOMAN 2: Are we gonna die?
JONES: What's that?
WOMAN 2: You mean you want us to die ...
JONES: I want to see (voices shouting) ... please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
WOMAN 3: Are you saying that you think we could have smaller blame than other children were? Because if you're saying ...
JONES: Do you think I'd put John's16 life above others? If I put John's life above others, I wouldn't be standing with Ujara. I'd send John out, and he could go out on the driveway tonight.
WOMAN 3: Because he's young.
JONES: I know, but he's no different to me than any of these children here. He's just one of my children. I don't prefer one above another. I don't prefer him above Ujara. I can't do that; I can't separate myself from your actions or his actions. If you'd done something wrong, I'd stand with you. If they wanted to come and get you, they'd have to take me.
MAN 2: We're all ready to go. If you tell us we have to give our lives now, we're ready--all the rest of the sisters and brothers are with me.17
JONES: Some months I've tried to keep this thing from happening. But I now see it's the will--it's the will of Sovereign Being that this happen to us. That we lay down our lives to protest against what's being done. That we lay down our lives to protest at what's being done. The criminality of people. The cruelty of people.
Who walked out of here today? See all those who walked out? Mostly white people. Mostly white people walked. I'm so grateful for the ones that didn't--those who knew who they are. I just know that there's no point-- there's no point to this. We are born before our time. They won't accept us. And I don't think we should sit here and take any more time for our children to be endangered. Because if they come after our children, and we give them our children, then our children will suffer forever.
MILLER: Do you mind if I get up?
JONES: I have no quarrel with you coming up. I like you. I personally like you very much.
MILLER: People get hostile when you try to...
JONES: Oh, some people do--but--yes, some people do. Put it that way-- I'm not hostile. You had to be honest, but you've stayed, and if you wanted to run, you'd have run with them 'cause anybody could've run today. What would anyone do? I know you're not a runner. And I--your life is precious to me. It's as precious as John's. And I don't--what I do I do with (inaudible) and justice and (inaudible). And I've weighed it against all evidence.
MILLER: That's all I've got to say.
JONES: What comes now folks? What comes now?
MAN 3: Everybody hold it. Sit down.
]ONES: Say. Say. Say peace. Say Peace. Say Peace. Say Peace. What's come. Don't let--Take Dwyer on down to the east house. Take Dwyer.18
WOMAN 4: Everybody be quiet, please.
]ONES: (Inaudible) ... got some respect for our lives.
MCELVANE: That means sit down, sit down. Sit down.
JONES: They know. (Groan.) I tried so very, very hard.19 They're trying over here to see what's going to happen (inaudible). Who is it? (Voices)
Get Dwyer out of here before something happens to him.* Dwyer. I'm not talking about Ujara. I said Dwyer. Ain't nobody gonna take Ujara. I'm not lettin' em take Ujara. It's easy, it's easy... (Inaudible.)
Yes, my love.
*What raises questions about the authenticity of the audiotape is that U.S. Embassy official Richard Dwyer was wounded at the Port Kaituma airstrip while the suicides were in progress.
WOMAN 5: At one time, I felt just like Christine herself. But after today I don't feel anything because the biggest majority of people that left here today for a fight, and I know it really hurt my heart because--
JONES: Broke your heart, didn't it?
WOMAN 5: Broke my heart completely. All of this year the white people had been with us, and they're not a part of us. So we might as well end it now because I don't see ...
JONES: It's all over. The congressman has been murdered. (Music and singing.) Well, it's all over, all over. What a legacy, what a legacy. What the Red Brigade doin' that once ever made any sense anyway? They invaded our privacy. They came into our home. They followed us six thousand miles away. Red Brigade showed them justice. The congressman's dead. (Music only.)
Please get us some medication. It's simple. It's simple. There's no convulsions with it. It's just simple. Just, please get it. Before it's too late. The GDF20 will be here, I tell you. Get movin', get movin', get movin'.
WOMAN 6: Now. Do it now!
JONES: Don't be afraid to die. You'll see, there'll be a few people land out here. They'll torture some of our children here. They'll torture our people. They'll torture our seniors. We cannot have this.
Are you going to separate yourself from whoever shot the congressman? I don't know who shot him.
voices: No. No. No.
JONES: Let's make our peace. And those who had a right to go, and they had a right to--How many are dead? Aw, God Almighty, God. Huh? Patty Parks is dead?
WOMAN 7: Some of the others who endure long enough in a safe place could write about the goodness of Jim Jones.
JONES: I don't know how in the world they're ever going to write about us. It's just too late. It's too late. The congressman's dead. The congressman lays dead. Many of our traitors are dead. They're all layin' out there dead. (Inaudible.)
I didn't, but my people did. My people did. They're my people, and they've been provoked too much. They've been provoked too much. What's happened here's been since Tuesday's been an act of provocation.
WOMAN 8: What about Ted? If there's any way it's possible to, eh, have and to give Ted something to take then, I'm satisfied, okay?21
WOMAN 8: I said, if there's anyway you can do before I have to give Ted something, so he won't have to let him go through okay, and I'm satisfied.
JONES: That's fine. Okay, yes. Yes. Yes.
WOMAN 9: Thank you for everything. You are the only. You are the only. And I appreciate you. (Applause.)
JONES: Please, can we hasten? Can we hasten with that medication? You don't know what you've done. I tried. (Applause, music, singing.)
They saw it happen and ran into the bush and dropped the machine guns. I never in my life.22 But not any more. But we've got to move. Are you gonna get that medication here? You've got to move. Marceline,23 about forty minutes.
JUDY IJAMES OR JOYCE TOUCHETTE:24 You have to move, and the people that are standing there in the aisles, go stand in the radio room yard.25 Everybody get behind the table and back this way, okay. There's nothing to worry about. Everybody keep calm and try and keep your children calm. And all those children that help, let the little children in and reassure them. They're not crying from pain. It's just a little bitter tasting. They're not crying out of any pain. Annie Miguel, can I please see you back ...
MCELVANE: ... Things I used to do before I came here. So let me tell you about it. It might make a lot of you feel a little more comfortable. Sit down and be quiet, please.
One of the things I used to do--I used to be a therapist. And the kind of therapy that I did had to do with reincarnations in past life situations. And every time anybody had the experience of going into a past life, I was fortunate enough through Father to be able to let them experience it all the way through their death, so to speak. And everybody was so happy when they made that step to the other side.
]ONES: (Inaudible.) It's the only way to step. That choice is not ours now. It's out of our hands. (Children crying in the background.)
MCELVANE: If we have a body that's been crippled, suddenly you have the kind of body that you want to have.
JONES: A little rest, a little rest.
MCELVANE: It feels good. It never felt so good. Now, may I tell you. You've never felt so good as how that feels.
JONES: And I do hope that (inaudible) will stay where they belong and don't come up here.
What is it? What is it? They what? Alright, it's hard but only at first-- only at first is it hard. Hard only at first. Living--you're looking at death and it looks--living is much, much more difficult. Raising up every morning and not knowing what's going to be the night's bringing. It's much more difficult. It's much more difficult. (Crying and talking.)
WOMAN 10: I just want to say something for everyone that I see that is standing around or crying. This is nothing to cry about. This is something we could all rejoice about. We could be happy about this. They always told us that we could cry when you're coming into this world. So we're leaving it, and we're leaving it peaceful. I think we should be happy about this. I was just thinking about Jim Jones. He just has suffered and suffered and suffered. We have the honor guard, and we don't even have a chance to ... (Inaudible.) I want to give him one more chance. (Inaudible.) That's few that's gone. There's many more here. (Inaudible.) That's not all of us. That's not all yet. That's just a few that have died. I tried to get to the one that--there's a kid (inaudible) I'm looking at so many people crying. I wish you would not cry. And just thank Father. (Inaudible.) ... (sustained applause.) I've been here about one year and nine months. And I never felt better in my life. Not in San Francisco. But until I came to Jonestown. I had a very good life. I had a beautiful life. I don't see nothing that I could be sorry about. We should be happy. At least I am. (Inaudible.) (Applause, music.)
WOMAN 11: ... Good to be alive today. I just like to thank Dad cause he was the only one that stood up for me when I needed him. And thank you, Dad.
WOMAN 12: I'm glad you're my brothers and sisters, and I'm glad to be here. Okay.
JONES:26 Please. For God's sake, let's get on with it. We've lived--we've lived as no other people lived and loved. We've had as much of this world as you're gonna get. Let's just be done with it. Let's be done with the agony of it. (Applause.)
It's far, far harder to have to walk through every day, die slowly--and from the time you're a child 'til the time you get gray, you're dying.
Dishonest, and I'm sure that they'll--they'll pay for it. They'll pay for it. This is a revolutionary suicide. This is not a self destructive suicide. So they'll pay for this. They brought this upon us. And they'll pay for that. I leave that destiny to them.
Who wants to go with their child has a right to go with their child. I think it's humane. I want to go--I want to see you go, though. They can take me and do what they want--whatever they want to do. I want to see you go. I don't want to see you go through this hell no more. No more. No more. No more.
We're trying. If everybody will relax. The best thing you do to relax, and you will have no problem. You'll have no problem with this thing if you just relax.
MAN 4: ... A great deal because it's Jim Jones. And the way the children are laying there now. I'd rather see them lay like that than to see them have to die like the Jews did, which was pitiful anyhow. And I just like to thank Dad for giving us life and also death. And I appreciate the fact of the way our children are going. Because, like Dad said, when they come in, what they're gonna do to our children--they're gonna massacre our children. And also the ones that they take capture, they're gonna just let them grow up and be dummies like they want them to be. And not grow up to be a person like the one and only Jim Jones. So I'd like to thank Dad for the opportunity for letting Jonestown be not what it could be, but what Jonestown is. Thank you, Dad. (Applause.)
JONES: It's not to be afeared. It is not to be feared. It is a friend. It's a friend ... sitting there, show your love for one another. Let's get gone. Let's get gone. Let's get gone. (Children crying.) We had nothing we could do. We can't--we can't separate ourselves from our own people. For twenty years laying in some old rotten nursing home. (Music.) Taking us through all these anguish years. They took us and put us in chains and that's nothing. This business--that business--there's no comparison to that, to this.
They've robbed us of our land, and they've taken us and driven us and we tried to find ourselves. We tried to find a new beginning. But it's too late. You can't separate yourself from your brother and your sister. No way I'm going to do it. I refuse. I don't know who fired the shot. I don't know who killed the congressman. But as far as I am concerned, I killed him. You understand what I'm saying? I killed him. He had no business coming. I told him not to come.
WOMAN 13: Right, right.
(Music and crying.)
JONES: I, with respect, die with a degree of dignity. Lay down your life with dignity. Don't lay down with tears and agony. There's nothing to death. It's like Mac27 said, it's just stepping over to another plane. Don't be this way. Stop this hysterics. This is not the way for people who are Socialists or Communists to die. No way for us to die. We must die with some dignity. We must die with some dignity. We will have no choice. Now we have some choice. Do you think they're gonna allow this to be done--allow us to get by with this? You must be insane.
Look children, it's just something to put you to rest. Oh, God. (Children crying.)
Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, please. Mother, please, please, please. Don't--don't do this. Don't do this. Lay down your life with your child. But don't do this.
WOMAN 14: We're doing all of this for you.
JONES: Free at last. Keep--keep your emotions down. Keep your emotions down. Children, it will not hurt. If you'd be--if you'll be quiet. If you'll be quiet.
(Music and crying.)
It's never been done before, you say. It's been done by every tribe in history. Every tribe facing annihilation. All the Indians of the Amazon are doing it right now. They refuse to bring any babies into the world. They kill every child that comes into the world. Because they don't want to live in this kind of a world.
So be patient. Be patient. Death is--I tell you, I don't care how many screams you hear. I don't care how many anguished cries. Death is a million times preferable to ten more days of this life. If you knew what was ahead of you--if you knew what was ahead of you, you'd be glad to be stepping over tonight.
Death, death, death is common to people. And the Eskimos, they take death in their stride. Let's be digni--let's be dignified. If you quit tell them they're dying--if you adults would stop some of this nonsense. Adults, adults, adults. I call on you to stop this nonsense. I call on you to quit exciting your children when all they're doing is going to a quiet rest. I call on you to stop this now if you have any respect at all. Are we black, proud, and Socialist, or what are we? Now stop this nonsense. Don't carry this on anymore. You're exciting your children.
No, no sorrow--that it's all over. I'm glad it's over. Hurry, hurry my children. Hurry. All I think (inaudible) from the hands of the enemy. Hurry, my children. Hurry. There are seniors out here that I'm concerned about. Hurry. I don't want to leave my seniors to this mess. Only quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly.... Good knowing you.
No more pain now. No more pain, I said (inaudible). No more pain. Jim Cobb28 is laying on the airfield dead at this moment. (Applause.) Remember the Oliver woman said she--she'd come over and kill me if her son wouldn't stop her? These, these are the people--the peddlers of hate. All we're doing is laying down our lives. We're not letting them take our lives. We're laying down our lives. Peace in their lives. They just want peace. (Music.)
MAN 5: All I would like to say is that my, uhm--my so-called parents are filled with so much hate--
JONES: (Clapping--not applause.) Stop this, stop this, stop this. Stop this crying, all of you.
MAN 5:--Hate and treachery. I think you people out here should think about how your relatives were and be glad about that the children are being laid to rest. And all I'd like to say is that I thank Dad for making me strong to stand with it all and make me ready for it. Thank you.
JONES: All they do is taking a drink. They take it to go to sleep. That's what death is, sleep. You can have it (inaudible) I'm tired of it all.
WOMAN 15: Everything we could have ever done, most loving thing all of us could have done, and it's been a pleasure walking with all of you in this revolutionary struggle. No other way I would rather go to give my life for socialism, communism, and I thank Dad very, very much.
WOMAN 16: Right. Yes, eh. Dad's love and nursing, goodness and kindness and bring us to this land of freedom. His love--his mother was the advance --the advance guard to socialism. And his love (inaudible) will go on forever unto the fields of--
JONES: Where's the vat, the vat, the vat? Where's the vat with the Green C on it? The vat with the Green C in. Bring it so the adults can begin.29
WOMAN 16: Go on unto the sing, and thank you Dad.
JONES: (Inaudible.) ... Don't, don't fail to follow my advice. You'll be sorry. You'll be sorry. If we do it, than that they do it. Have trust. You have to step across. (Music.) We used to think this world was--this world was not our home--well, it sure isn't--we were saying--it sure wasn't.
He doesn't want to tell them. All he's doing--if they will tell them-- assure these kids. Can't some people assure these children of the relaxation of stepping over to the next plane? They set an example for others. We said --one thousand people who said, we don't like the way the world is.
VOICE: Take some.
JONES: Take our life from us. We laid it down. We got tired. We didn't commit suicide, we committed an act of revolutionary suicide protesting the conditions of an inhumane world.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Got in another argument tonight. So, yeah I still suck.
Don't really feel like elaborating, I am just sitting here waiting for the pain pills to take effect. (note: I took them due to pain in my foot, I can't help if they also make me feel _____.)
Very close to the official release to The Arcade Fire's new release "Neon Bible", it is amazing on such a huge level... when it comes out I urge you all to buy it immediately. If you doubt their kick-assness check out Saturday Night Live this Saturday, it features The Arcade Fire, and is hosted by the awesome Rainn Wilson (Dwight from "the office" and Bill A.K.A. FISHBOY from "House of 1,000 Corpses").
Also, Nine Inch Nails album "Year Zero" will be dropping the day after my birthday, April 17th 2007. It sounds amazing and the marketing/art assault campaign is even more so... check out www.nin.com and click on the "Year Zero" link to see an awesomely creepy promo video. (For more info on the detailed elaboration of the album's "theme" take a gander over to www.theninhotline.net/news/index.php and just read through the last month or so of current news. Just remember these words...
I am a prick bastard and I hope you all know this...
You can't get much more selfish then the likes of me.
Hope your lives are kicking so much ass it hurts.
(Q Lazzarus song "Goodbye Horses" is fucking rad despite Buffalo Bill's Penis tuck scene) ___________________________________________________________________
Chew it up
hold on to this hand. this little bit of underwhelming psychosis.
I am the future of future nothings.
Wailing away into the night like a dead man.
They saw me crying and never let me forget it.
I wish I could disagree with this sinister worlds point of view... on me.
I have seen my hopes and dreams trampled.
I have wept in the arms of women I could never love.
Written Angels out of existence.
And the scars tell small cautionary tales that always end with a nervous laugh.
I put my hands together and pretend to pray hoping that maybe God will notice this time and grant one of my silly self fulfilling wishes.
Snipers take aim and I drop dead with a loud cheer and applause.
Take them away
Small price that all gladly pay to lay dead with a smile that shames the devil.
Suffocating in a small mobile home while bathing suites bake in the sunshine.
We are all traitors.
Cheaters. Liars. Whores.
We pray for cartoon anvils to crush the businessman walking down the street, ear glued to his cell phone in a violent and bloody, realistic way.
Girls with too much make-up and boys with girls hairstyles nod their head to music that brings the old man sitting in the back to sobbing tears.
She lies to me and says there is still love in this rotting corpse of a marriage, I lie to myself and pretend to believe her as she tears the still beating heart from my chest.
Ready or not.
My love for you will frighten and push you so far away I will be a distant bad memory, waving with tears welling up in my fat man's eyes.
Requiem for all the love notes that you will never get again...
Requiem for the strangers looking at you while you lay half dead on a cold sidewalk in the middle of the night, in the dead of winter.
Requiem for the last swallow of this poison that will do me in or bring me closer to a state of bliss as I trap you in with mediocre pornographic poetry.
Sleep my darlings.
He obsessed over Atomic Bombs.
He had no power.
An obsession for power.
He claimed that an atom bomb blast is what angel's descending from heaven would look like if gazed upon.
He mostly just wanted to be held.
He had a piece of metal that had been through the Hiroshima blast.
He had bad hair and bad teeth.
He had a knack for telling stories.
He had the last laugh. and was the last one to be laughed at.
God makes mistakes...
like making an atomic blast, a harbinger of death...
so God damn beautiful.
Trapping this amazing soul into a sad little man.
Like the atomic blast...
He was at his best when he went nuclear and burst.
Like an angel ascending as the nuclear winter descended.
wont anybody just try and save me?
Monday, February 19, 2007
So, this weekend we went out and drank like fish and had a groovy time for G's birthday. I gave her a surprise part at "The House Of Blues". Good times, lots of scratch spent. We then went to a bar called "The Griffin", the majority of people there were very "yuppie" but we had an outstanding time anyhow... I harassed all the people in the bar when I found out that the jukebox had "he Arcade Fire's album "Funeral" in it. $5 gets you 18 plays so I picked a load of Arcade Fire, some Morissy, Some muse and some Pixies thus changing the Yuppie mood to one of confusion.
Here is a picture of us all at Gina's Birthday dinner at "The House of Blues"
Also, G and My Mom and my Grandfather headed down to the Tropicana on Sunday to go to the "Titanic" museum/exhibit only to find it closed... but right after we found that out, who do we run in to??? Zach Braff form "Scrubs" and "Garden State". Me being the huge dork I am ran over to him and asked for his autograph... let me tell you, the guy is nice as hell!! I apologized for bothering him and for being such a dork and he said "It's cool, I ask for people's autograph's all the time." He shook my hand when I told him how much I dug his movies and then asked what my name was when signing my paper... Said "take it easy" and I told him to enjoy Las Vegas.
I am so glad he wasn't a prick, I really enjoy his acting and if he was an ass it would have ruined it for me... anyhow... I scanned the autograph for all you wacky kids to see and am including his picture if you have no damn clue who he is...
I am doing alright tonight. So we shall just leave it at that then hmmm?
I feel the shock wave coming
Some far off place is dead and gone.
slowly being drowned by rainwater and gray mud.
Some far off place with my escapee soul.
Little boy pure.
Wading through the mud slowly turning to quicksand.
Sucking my little boy self into the bubbling mud.
And there is nobody there to save him.
Open eyes and the sky is raining down on this terrible face (again and once and for all)
Eyes open as the rain collides on retina blurring my vision.
I can see the hand of God descending upon us.
And I close my eye pushing out the rainwater and God has disappeared...
abandoning me, yet again.
The rain washes the grime from this face.
Mixing in with the tears.
Praying for lightning.
Praying for thunder.
Praying for God just one last time...
Goodnight everyone and everything... talk soon.
Monday, February 12, 2007
when I was in early grade school, one valentines day... I had a friend named Brian.
Nobody liked Brian but me.. I felt bad for him because not one person had given him a valentine, so I took one of the ones I was going to give a girl and wrote "Have a better day Brian... Your friend John" but, as I was a youngster still learning to spell I wrote "Brain" instead of "Brian". So this little bastard decides to show the class and start bagging on me because I didn't know how to write his fucking name. I got made fun of the rest of the day and threw my valentines that I had personalized for each student in the trash.
Just in case I forget or I am in a funk come Wednesday....
Happy Fucking Valentines Day.
Oh and if you know her go wish my wife a happy birthday on Wednesday on her myspace account...
See you later salamander cuz I wouldn't wanna be ya...
May the Force be with you... always.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
This and That _________________________________________________________
My wife sleeps quietly as I type away at this computer.
She drifts in and out of consciousness and prays to god I don't climb into our bed.
one, she is disgusted by me.
two, I snore too loud.
She dreams of a better life.
I dream of one I can survive and tolerate.
I guess the truth remains, at least we have our dreams.
Fat and swollen..
pockmarked and sad.
it screams cover me.
it screams hide me.
I cannot oblige it though.
It's my only defense in this world.
Whats left of it.
Eaten away and broken.
Pulled at and tugged at.
Dipped in steel.
Now it just gets dented on a daily basis.
Leaves my body and explores strange and wonderful things.
I never get to know what though, as we are not on speaking terms anymore.
It's been pissed off at me for sometime.
I just say, "Get in line"
Probably not the best response...
but what can I say...
I really don't have much to work with now do I?
This love of mine.
This way to go on.
This holy terror.
This, the best thing I have ever created.
And nothing will ever come so close to wonderful.
And nobody can take that away from me.
Sleep tight don't let the bedbugs bite...
How can you save me when you can't save yourself?
it keeps the walls
— Charles Bukowski