The best thing about life, Is knowing you put it together

"They look like big strong hands... don't they?"

Water rolls down the skin like tiny beads..
Eyes close so that they might see.
Illum tangendo (touching him)
This sun is a star in someone else's sky
Illum tangendo (touching him)
This moon is making someone cry...
Illum tangendo (touching him)

Captain PirateFace say's "Ahoy!"

Captain PirateFace say's "Ahoy!"
Updated by, Captain PirateFace

The Captain


This is not an Exit

Never Say Die!!!

"the tigers have found me
and I do not care."

Charles Bukowski

there is no fear here

there is no fear here
there is a fear here

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Broken Teeth, Soft Embraces, Family ilness... And I thought I could laugh it all off... what a fucking riot.

One of my top right back teeth is broken in half and the nerve is exposed.

One of my bottom left back teeth is also broken in half and the nerve is also exposed.
Anybody want to send me pain meds? I will "not" say no.


My Dad found out the other day that he has Hepatitis C. My Dad is a pessimist as I am.
He has himself dead and buried which isn't good for him or my mother and the stress is causing angry outbursts and fights in the house so I take drives wherever I can go to escape the craziness.

I love my parents and want to help them but all I know to do right now is just give support.
It just seems life shits on my family on a daily basis is all.

On the side of sweetness and tenderness...
I just can't seem to take in that not all people think I am a horrible, lowlife loser deformed troll of a man like I do. It's hard for me to take compliments and I have a hard time accepting the love people try and give me. I usually throw my insanity at any kind of love and that disease infects the people that love me and they retreat. As it did my soon to be Ex-Wife.

I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.

Speaking of "CRAZY".

My moods are becoming more erratic lately. While driving on the freeway the other afternoon I was caught in traffic and started singing along to the Weezer song "Dreaming". I felt compelled to pour my bottle of water over my head drenching me and my cloths and my driver side interior.
Then after wildly singing along and rarely keeping my hands on the wheel I decided it was a fine time to take off my shirt and drive shirtless and wet with the windows rolled down singing along to Weezer's "Dreaming" over and over again. I felt like I was watching a person take over my body as if my actions were not my own. I felt happy but in a way that just didn't seem right.
Afterwards I went home and crashed into a deep depression and fell asleep very, very early.
I just don't know what is going on with me anymore.

I need to find a new therapist.
(know any good ones in the Las Vegas area folks??? Ones that may be able to deal with my personality type???)

I also am going to be trying out Anti-Depressants again as I think it couldn't do any harm.
could it?

So what of any good news eh?
I get to see my little man today which is a day early. I miss the hell out of him. Gina thinks I am out playing every day while the reality of the situation is I can't hear her phone calls from the dungeon of a downstairs in my mother's house. She thinks I ignore my son when he wants to talk to me around bed time but that's just not true. I miss my son like I would miss the sound of my heart beating. Sometimes she fails to see that her leaving me didn't just fuck her up. It tore my life apart and my son's as well. I don't hate her for wanting to have left me. That was her decision. I will not go into detail but I will say that it's what she felt she needed to do and sometimes... about half the time I agree with why she left and believe most of the reasons she gives to be true. But sometimes I don't and think she made a mistake that someday she will come to regret.

But I give myself that right to think in two separate thought patterns... I am crazy aren't I?

I have a grip of more poetry to post but just haven't had the strength or patience to do just that. But I will soon and it won't be one of those... "I will post TONIGHT!" and two weeks later you get an "Awe Shucks, I forgot to post and will really do it tonight." and then space that altogether.
Are any of you actually reading this blog and my poetry? Who the Hell knows as NOBODY barely ever leaves me comments or sends me any kind of contact. So I might just be posting for Sherrie and Ben and myself as I love to read old entries and say "What the Fuck is wrong with me? Why the fuck would I post this shitty shit shit?"

So I will try again out of hopeless desperation to connect with any of my fictional readers.

(I mean fuck all my counter keeps going up pretty often? Is it because the word "Pornography" is in the title?)

Please feel free to leave a comment fuck-o's and please feel free to contact me through e-mail at

see ya later salamander.

Captain PirateFace

P.S. Oh yeah! I am not quite as much a fat fuck anymore. I went from last June weighing 310 lbs
(I am 6'3 gimme a little bit here ya snickering fucks) to the comfy weight of 255 lbs. And I am losing more hopefully by the day. My weight loss plan... LOTS OF FUCKING STRESS! It really works folks... don't knock that shit until you try it. Also quitting soda for the most part and just drinking water. No more booze. (Still haven't kicked the pain meds yet but I do have a legitimate injury... yeah I know sometimes I run out before it's time... shut up) And small meals (no over eating... just because the breakfast came with huge ass pancakes doesn't mean you HAVE to gobble them down if your already feeling full.)


Benjamin Hall said...

Hey! we weigh the same now! I gained about thirty pounds while Marlena was pregnant.

Your blog has always been a very raw look into your feelings and I enjoy reading it when it doesn't scare the crap out of me.

You should post your poetry on Deviant art and get yourself a following, then you would get readers who come here for your art and not just friends and family.

But even still, I do my best to post stuff on my blog that would be interesting to a reader and I have a small group of people who enjoy my work and even then, very rarely, does someone comment on my blog that I don't know.

The internet is a big place.

Sorry about your Dad man.

Anonymous said...

Really!I love to eat the huge pancake. I also have to quit the eatting, even through it's my favorite. My friend is getting married in March and I can't go to vegas looking like an oompaloompa. I aplaud you for trying the anti-depressants. It does sound like you going a little bit batty. Fun, huh? Also try 2 vitamin D a day. It helps me to. I also feel you on the tooth pain. Sooo much worse than a c-section. I cracked a tooth on Taco night. It hurt sooo bad I went to the bathroom and pulled the rest out. I know demented. Ya, that didn't help. So one complete extracion later, it still sucks. It gets cold, it hurts, the stinking weather changes it hurt. Ridiculous. Thank god for narcotics, amen. I can't send you any. My husband frowns on that and I have to hide them. Plus, I don't want to go to jail. But, dude, seriously your a good guy, you know it in your heart. Gina will remember when she is not angry anymore. If not, o'well. Your a wonderful guy and dad. Thats all that matter. But never ask me to quit the soda. I am trying so hard, can't do. I am like a whore on the corner when it comes to cherry coke. Pathetic I know.

Shereen said...

You know I am here if you need to talk!

How can you save me when you can't save yourself?

"nothing can save
it keeps the walls

Charles Bukowski