following the darkness

" A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard
Bonedigger Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore"

-Paul Simon- "You can call me Al"

no fight left in this bloated body...

my mom's cat, sassy is dying as I type this.
My Grandmother is pretty sure her kidney's are giving out.
My mom is bringing her to the vet in the morning... most likely, Sassy will be put down.
I have known sassy since I was in 8th grade.

My wife is mad at me for getting home late. I had to work a half hour extra and then I went to see my Mom and say goodbye to Sassy. But I didn't... say goodbye that is.
I did not want to see her in that way.
My wife does not care that Sassy is dying.
Maybe she usually would but tonight all she cares about is hating me.
Which I guess I deserve because I am a motherfucker.

Anyhow, sorry no updates as of late. Life has just been kicking my ever loving ass.
I hope you are all well and you will see some more crap tomorrow.

I am listening to an outstanding mix of ambient and mellow muzik.

1. Mogwai - Auto Rock
2. Nine Inch Nails (Featuring vocals by Stella Soleil) - A warm place
4. The Beatniks - Une Femme N'est Pas Un Homme (Aphex Twin Mix)
5. Aphex Twin - IZ-US
6. The Postal Service - Such great heights
7. Aphex Twin - Hexagon
8. Nine Inch Nails - Adrift and at peace
9. Mogwai - Tracy
10. Nine Inch Nails/Aphex Twin - The Beauty of being numb
11. Nine Inch Nails - A warm place
12. Jon Brion - Phone Call
13. The Postal Service - Natural Anthem
14. Explosions in the sky - Our Last Days As Children
15. Jon Brion - Theme from "Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind"
16. Clint Mansell - Requiem for a dream
17. The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)
18. Dntel - Roll On (Ft. Jenny Lewis) (DTAS)
19. A whisper in the noise - The Times They Are A-Changin'
20. Brian Eno - An Ending (Ascent) from the film "28 Days Later"

here are a few poems...

p.s. Do you like the slightly different new look of the blog?


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The Destruction of the human spirit

a man ceases to be man...
when the job becomes oppressive.
The supervisors...
cruel.
But man needs to live.
Man needs to put food on the table to feed his family.
A man must provide shelter...
warmth from the cold
and
shade from the sun.
Man sacrifices his soul.
Personality.
Youth.
Love of life...
to provide and give such things.
The kicker is,
nobody notices.
nobody cares.
Even man himself is starting too ignore cruel fate...
starting not to notice, not to care.
There can be no saving the minimalist savior.
He walks slowly towards lifes final reward...
quiet death.



Addiction

like this pathetic intoxication a moth must feel,
as it dry humps a burning lightbulb...
fucking itself out of exsistence in the desperate need for illumination.
I am an addict.
For the love I have tasted but you refuse to give.
For the wine that returns the kiss by lovingly burning my throat.
For the little white pills that take reality and tip it ever so slightly on its side.
I am failing again at being a human...
at playing this game of humanity.

They say I won't let anybody in....
Hell, I'm not even home.


*
Blowing me goodbye kisses...

The look of tragedy is deep set in your eyes.
The worry lines are forever carved in your once youthful face...
but the beauty remains.
Those final words spent on me are pure poison.
You never even tried to forgive me.
I walk away, as I have done a thousand times before...
breaking your heart every time, all over again.
You blow me a goodbye kiss and I wonder to myself...
Which will reach me first?
The goodbye kiss or the bullet just shot from your gun?
I turn around arms out anticipating both.
Equally deadly... I embrace.
The last thing I see is you walking away... no tear stained face.
Just your back as you leave.
Giving back what I had done to you a thousand times before.

*
Goodnight lunatics.

I love you all.

Captain PirateFace














































i wish we weren't such bastards to one another all the time. we are becoming horrible people and it is killing us both...

Twiddling my God damn thumbs.

keep it clever, So in trying to stay with that.... short and sweet tonight amigo's.


A desire and a dream... you and I on a night train baby.

As we veer off into the darkness.
Having let the steering wheel go hours before.
I swear in these moments I can smell the perfume on you.
I can almost hear the music in your laugh.
My skeleton shivers and desperately yearns to climb out of this fat body
and go running off into the night.
But my heart and soul emotionally decline.
I keep a small photograph of you in my back pocket, your head torn off at the neck.
Which is OK, because the day you climbed into that photo booth your hair and smile had
been perfect but your dress had been horrendous and tacky.
These days I find it so damn easy to lose control.
So easy to let go of the steering wheel.
When did you become that little lucid dream just out of my reach?
I have failed you yet again...
as the car careens into a ditch and my skeleton finally sees it's wish come true.










Goodnight,

Captain PirateFace














`````````````````````````````````````````

A visit from God? Who is that fella anyhow?

For my old friend Sheri, who came up with the title for the poem below....

When life turns around

So often the madness had set in.
So often the nights crying in bed softly as to not wake up the world.
And so often... lost in thought while the job suffers.
You grew up for this?
You counted the days in youth for an adulthood of pain and suffering?
This joke we call life.
But sometimes we luck out.
Sometimes we get sick of the pain in the stomach.
Sometimes instead of falling on our face, we avoid the fall altogether.
When life turns around, those precious tears will be reserved for heartfelt moments, laughter so hard it hurts and a tear jerker in the movie theater.
The sunrise will remind you that you made it to another God damn day.
And for once that is a good thing.
Too many of us wait in the shadows, in the darkness we have created for that moment.
I have seen it come for many and pray to whatever God will listen...
That one day it will find it's way to me as well.
I just hope that moment does not pass me by.

_______________________________________________________________

Now most of you know for a fact that I am "not" a spiritual man. But the poem title that my friend Sheri sent me screamed for a little absolution. I mean, Christ... I think I am due to write at least a few poems about redemption. Things don't have to be sadness and pain at "every" moment... You need not worry, I am a pro now at writing about the flipped coin aspect to that. The losing and the failure.... If they gave out awards I would be recipient. I just didn't want that feeling tonight is all.
If you don't like it...

well...

do some soul searching....

and "Fuck right off"....

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Goodnight

Captain PirateFace


P to the S.

Friends, Family, And bitter Enemies...
Please keep the poem titles coming as I am having a damn ball with them.

Rock and Roll.

Dorothy had a whore corner at the Emerald City in OZ.

Leave The Light On by Lagwagon

So please leave the light on after you've gone
Leave the pictures in their aging frames where they belong
Leave the bed sheets unclean, and they will reek of you still
Cover me in resolve

So please leave the imagery
I can twist it
Dissociation and obsession
Superstition and pain
I can carry them on too,
Bury you once again

If I could bring this memory to life
[I'd apologize]
I'd live to make you say what they can't
[I would make amends]
They'd all love to have you back but...
I'd give anything to bring you back to say goodbye
___________________________________________________________________

As I type I am listening to an amazing song by Land of the Loops called " I confess ". Go steal it now...if you can find it. As I write I am letting Xanax lull me to sleep. So the writing may suddenly go all, "FUCKED UP!". or not...
Glad it's Friday night. But people are mad at me again as I am a constant fuck up. So what's new right? Today I felt pretty good as I know I have a best friend for life by the name of, Gabriel (My beautiful little boy). We are just great pals. We have tons of fun together and not a single rough thought enters my gigantic head when he and I are together. That kid is pure magic.
Now blaring through the headphones is The Violent Femmes song "Please do not go".
no more shuffle, I think I will stick with these bastards and get ready for a little "Kiss off".
"They'll hurt me bad but I wont mind. They'll hurt me bad, they do it all the time."..great lyrics from the aforementioned song.
Mr. Blond Versus Captain Spaulding? With Guns... Mr. Blond. With hands and/or other weapons my $ is on The Good Ol' Captain. Why I bring this up? Who the hell knows for sure.
My wife said a pretty rough statement tonight... I think I may have deserved it.
She said: "You are only interested in people when they are interested in you. But when they find out what your really like and lose interest you just cut off completely"...... Ouch!
Does that mean I suck because I don't stick with people when they find out I suck?
Or, Does it mean I don't try to be a better person and live up to the image I project when I am revealed to be a fraud? Or does it just mean I am a shitty person regardless? That sucks.
Anyhow, I have felt this way for some time, but it still hurts to hear the love of your life validate it. Well as I say, no worries... such is life eh?
Shit... it's human to suffer and even more human to bring that shit down on yourself...
am I right?
I want some charcoal and oil pastels so I can pretend to be an artist for a few hours... even though I am having a tough ass time being a friggin' poet.
I got two poem titles to work on tonight from some readers. One from the amazing, and darn tootin' sexy (sorry ladies he is MARRIED), Ben Hall of www.Blueskycomics.com. And one from my cousin Glenda who is a legit "Suicide Girl" model... and I think that is rad and scares me all at once as I have no desire to see one of my "baby" cousins, semi to fully nude. Yikes.
So this week as a whole besides swimming in the Apartment pool with my best pal, Gabriel and working, as a whole it's been quiet and boring. So... Fuck all this rambling and on with the poem's.... Like I said in the last "Blog" Send me a poetry title (Raw or Gentle or Mean Spirited... Fuck! Any weird as title you like) and I will destroy it's integrity with a insta-poem! Yay!

On with the tragic comic's self gratifying play on words!



Poem title by: Ben Hall
"The words of confusion"
Words by: Captain PirateFace

She looked at me and spoke.
God damn it these moments are happening more often now than not.
She speaks and looks angry and I have no clue what she is saying.
And it's not like a hearing loss issue either.
She speaks and it comes out like...
like.... the adults sounded in the Charlie Brown cartoons..
"Bwah Bwah, Bwah Bwah Bwah Bwah!"
I shake my head in confusion and she slaps me and leaves the room.
I chase after her telling her I just could not understand what she was trying to say.
She looks back and yells out a final "BWAH!" and gets in the car and drives off.
And I think to myself... "Christ... There has to be some kind of pill to fix this... right?"


Poem Title By: My “little” cousin Glenda
“fatboy eats foot”
Words by: Captain PirateFace

The theory was how much is "Too many drugs"?
The hardest thing for a chubby boy like him in High School besides the "Chubby" issue is that he had in place of where his left leg should be, a wooden peg leg.
The pirate jokes got old quick.
But he couldn't really blame them...
His mother had caught him many times standing bare chested in torn shorts looking in the mirror with an eye patch on yelling "Aaaaaaaaaaaaarg Mateys! Walk that plank land lover!"
So back to the question, How much is too many drugs.
All it took our boy to gnaw his own foot off....
A tab of acid... that had really been just your average postal stamp.
And damn if you don't feel a little silly after having a fake bad trip and gnaw your foot off in a lunatic crazed fit brought on by a placebo and a little bit of hunger.
But he had thought to himself...
"Now I have an icebreaker at the bar when I grow up and try to pick up the drunk chicks."
Some of us dream big... and some of us dream in nightmares.


Why are the troublemakers always the saddest?

I walk and my soul drags behind.
A gentle breeze like the breath of a small child blowing out candles...
Sends my weak and tired soul tumbling to the ground.
And I don't notice a thing and keep walking on.
Ready for a new feeling since I have worn these out beyond recognition.
I want the feeling of kissing a sobbing face.
I want the feeling of a rainstorm in the desert, feeling the rain on my tired closed eyes.
I want the feeling of being missed.
I miss me, the old me.
I wish I had the skill to sit at a piano and play sad songs.
Sad songs and glass after glass of cheap wine.
My dreams are cheap.
And nearly every time I cast one of my many demons out...
a more sinister rotten one takes it's place.
Giving me such charming new ways of hurting the ones I love.
It's a car crash.



Move these memories

The night opened up and snatched the sanity from the girls I was to ever fall in love with.
What a God damn wicked moon to allow such a heist.
Guess there was a meeting I was not prithee to.
Must of figures if I was half crazy they may need to be full crazy.
And like the infamous Wolf-Man... The curse keeps on.




FUCK! That's all I got tonight...
As I was falling asleep I had the love of my life wake me up in the most romantic of way's....
FIGHTING WITH ME! FUCK YEAH I LOVE THIS SPECIAL LIFE!




Goodnight and good fucking luck to us all.

Captain PirateFace

leading me to my cliff....

I want to eat the brains of every bastard who has given me a crooked look!
(That includes you momma!)
I forgot you all.
Will somebody come along and save me from myself?
Save me.
Save me.
I am dying. Killing myself?
Mercy Killing?
HA.

Sex? Nope.
One brain is diseased and rotting and on display for all you bastards to poke at and comment on the sick fuck.
Creepy fat bastard... John Robison.
Captain PirateFace.... it sounds like he lives in fantasy too often.
Like a goon.
My mind is made up, I stay confused.
Help me.
How many God damn secret messages do I have to put out there?
The time is running out...
it's cold.
Well then, Panic attack anyone? As Hunter S. Thompson wrote...
"This won't hurt"
But it does! Every day! I want God or Jesus or Buddha or Allah or whatever to come to me and say "You know what Asshole... Stop being so negative."
Yeah Right.
I am causing accidents.
I have lost track of the moon tonight, I think it must have given up.
I am losing my nerve. I just want to win. To be the winner.
My God, I can barley make heads or tails of these moods anymore.

And that is life...

such.......... is life.

_______________________________________________________



So, What should I be when I grow the fuck up? eh?
Let's have a game. You "Loyal" readers (I think I am up to three now) send me in a title for a poem and I will destroy the creative aspect of the title by writing it's accompanying poem. E-mail @ CaptPirateFace@aol.com.
_______________________________________________________

and now for some shite...


Highway

To that place where the doors lay down dead at the feet,
never to open or close again.
Just the longest stretch of highway, as far as my failing vision can see.
Cracked asphalt... more recognized as Battle Scars.
And this road has tasted blood.
We are one in the same.
Going nowhere.
Scarred and the taste of blood a constant.
As the sun burns and the rain falls.
Tumbleweeds tumble gently across the beaten and worn heart.


____________________________________________________________________
July 11th 2007. Some recent "strange" things I have viewed....

The other day while driving out of a McDonald's parking lot, I glanced over at a poorly lit bus stop and spotted a prostitute having sex with an elderly African American homeless man. She was sitting on his lap with her dress hiked up facing forward and rocking back and forth... yeah, pretty nasty and disturbing.

Today, Las Vegas had five whole minuets of rain. After two of said five minuets I saw an old man eat it right in front of me on a dinky little scooter. The streets in Vegas are very slick when it rains, obviously this old man had no indication of such things. I stayed behind him and got ready to get out of the car to help, putting myself in park and turning my hazard lights on. But he quickly picked himself and his shitty little scooter up and started driving off. I pulled up next to him at the next light and asked if he was alright... He mumbled something and all I heard was the word "Fuckin'".

Also today, At the school I am working at for summer school I decided to go outside and check out an area I don't regularly patrol and found myself staring at a wall with millions, and I do mean "Millions" of ants. This wall was about two hundred feet long as it was the exterior wall to a side of the school and every bit of wall had millions of ants on it. As I looked on in disgust I looked down to see hundreds of the little bastards on my shoes and scaling up my legs. Of course I did the mature thing and panicked. Pulling off my shoes and dousing my legs with the water in my water bottle. And the craptacular part was I still was too late in getting the ants off and was bitten a few hundred times on both legs and ankles................ yay.

____________________________________________________________________

"You've just seen a prince walk by. A fine, Troubled prince. A Hard working, unappreciated prince. A pal, you understand? A good companion. Always for his boys."
-Biff, in reference to his father, the doomed salesman in "Death of A Salesman". Also my favorite line in the play (written by Arthur Miller).-


Here is some more shite.


The left hook from God

I started out with an almost formal complaint.
And suddenly as fast as one can stand I was on my back.
The world had grown quickly black and I could do nothing and move nothing.
I lay there for almost an eternity and finally found the strength to stand.
Wiping the blood from my mouth and nose...
I raised both hands, tightened into balled fists to the heavens and shouted...
"Is that the best you can do?!?!?!"
The fear had left me and I stood ready for another explosion of force.
But it never came.
I turned to walk away.
The waves in the ocean had ceased to be.
The clouds sat still in the middle of the blue sky.
I smiled, it was the only argument I had ever won...
even if it was a damn "give".


The sounds have become mute and the hearts are heavy and cold.

The music had died.
No more hiding emotion in a musical embrace.
No more sad songs creating sad eyes and sad, sad tears.
This poetry has been drying up for some time...
and if there could have been any music in any of those sickly little lines of verse...
It faded the second the words leaped from the soul.
The world fell out of love.
The faces trudged along sad and mute staring at the other passing face's
and quickly turning away.
Ashamed of what we could never be again.
Our hearts with it's rhythm, lost the beat and warmth.
Leaving it cold and lacking the changing beat it had perfected.
No more quick beats of passion.
No more slow beats of soft embrace.
Just a lump in our throats.
Begging to be slit.


A Viking funeral.

I may have lived the life of a coward.
But, I want to go out a man.
Launch my remains to the sea in a small boat with tinder ready for burn.
Let my son fire the flaming arrow that will ignite my passage into the other realm.
Bang sword and ax against shield and drink heavy.
I guess the lack of sleep is really getting to me?


stale taste

The dark nights are getting longer.
The wine has lost it's scent and the taste is stale and dead.
I almost beg for your comforts.
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me through these solid walls?
I am calling out to you and the echo is almost deafening.
I miss you kiddo.
I wish you could see that.
I wish you could look past this man you claim is the embodiment of mistake.
In these eyes, is the boy you fell for.
Past this fat man's face.
I know it's a damn hard look.
I have been to the mirror and I still am on the search.
I know the words "I love you" have lost a lot of weight.
But beyond the ease of just "saying" them...
I hope one day again... you can feel them.


Fresh faced and ready for action

We rock the night away listening to the hits of "P.M. Dawn".
And crack open a beer for good measure.
The train pulls up and we grab our gear.
Grab our elephant gun's.
I miss this train on purpose.
As the heat is getting to me and I have a horrible poem to write.
Loving love and loving pain for the sake of finding a love I can truly call my own.
Get that?
Well, once you do.. clue me in as I am not too bright these day's.






Goodnight and I swear next time less drama and more fun.



Captain PirateFace

if you walk away, I'll walk away.

Ahoy Scallywags,
Captain PirateFace here with more tedious bullshit for you to pretend to enjoy!









so.......
so, so, so.....
4th of July....... Fucking Sucked.
No Fireworks and my little man (my son, Gabriel) is in Pahrump with my mother in-law.
No offense to her at all, but I am so damn sad I didn't keep him here.
It should have been me and him.
Him watching his crazy dad light fireworks and run away screaming all for his 3 year old enjoyment... translation: I missed him tonight like crazy.
Never again will I be separated from my boy on a holiday. Never.
_
No energy left tonight yo......

here be some demons needing chased off somethin' fierce.




That night we cut our throats and let our souls climb out to freedom

what a fascinating view we had...
our heads hanging back like a pez dispenser.
My Soul was grinning like a wild devil.
Yours just looked bored.
Grabbing my hair I pulled my head up and straight as I possibly could
and waved goodbye with my other hand...
As those two souls went screaming like lunatics into the night.
I remember wondering if they would come back or not?
And after night after night of watching and waiting, I gave up.
I thought to myself...
"I hope they are doing better than we had ever done for them".
And I am almost positive that it was true.


Just a short one tonight folks.

See you later salamander.

Captain PirateFace

-Oh YEAH! Tonight it's been a musical choice of "Lagwagon".
Mostly the albums. "Hoss", "Double Plaidnum", "Lets talk about feelings" and "Resolve">
-All full of excellent songs-

Where has it gone? Damn that pesky soul of mine!!!

(Written Saturday June 30th 2007)
No Sex, No Drugs... just melancholy Rock n' Roll.

Finished "The Old Man and the Sea", just amazing really. I think the way the main character (the old man) thinks should be converted into a religion. So humble and sweet natured. Without telling the whole story just know that he is possibly the most humble character to ever exist.
-
Ryne, I appreciate your concern, but I would rather you not treat me with kid gloves and just come see me or call. As I have just been worried sick and thus affecting me even more negatively. Am I disappointed? Yes, but I don't hate you kid. You and Frank are my little brothers. You know I am and have always been here to help. So stop being a bitch and get in touch with me. Sorry that this is so "Public" but you know I am a weird fucker with weird moods.
-
didn't go see She Wants Revenge tonight... why. Fuck if I know.
-
Tonight I am listening to Elliot Smith break my heart with little jabs from the rentals, bright eyes and of course the Arcade Fire.
-


Tonight's Soundtrack, "The Captains Saddest Sea Songs for a full moonlit night"
1. Bright Eyes = First Day of my Life
2. Elliot Smith = The Biggest Lie
3. Arcade Fire = Intervention
4. Pink Floyd = Vera
5. Daniel Johnston = The Story of an Artist
6. Bright Eyes = Landlocked Blues
7. Daniel Johnston = Devil Town
8. Pink Floyd = Nobody Home
9. Elliot Smith = 2:45am
10. Arcade Fire = Accidents
11. The Rentals = Move On
-

On with the "Fuck-A-Round!"



One so short, if you blink it you may miss it.

The most amazing, breathtaking and beautiful sound I have ever heard...
The sound of my son inhale and exhale as he sleeps deeply and sweetly.
Brings me to instant tears.


The compromise

Tell you what...
you stop forcing me knee deep in misery,
and I will stop smothering you with love, pain and anguish.


Take this life and shove it! and please forgive me when all is said and done.

I have become the unwanted prisoner of lucid dreaming.
I turn my head near breaking this fat neck to watch you walk by me...
past me.
Near breaking my neck.
My concentration.
Sitting on the top of my cloud nine I suddenly feel fear and the effect of a winter hurricane.
Battered by the ice cold rain of love.
Tidal waves of hate.
Obliterating my safest spot, my cloud nine.
Crashing this fat boy into the ocean.
My drowning in slow motion.
Confusing the poor fish.
Things are beginning to fade out and go dark when suddenly
a hand breaks through the crashing waves above and out of the pitch black.
Warm to the touch as it holds my head under filling my soul with salt water
and vast nothingness.
Sometimes bad poetry ends this way,
as do bad poets.


Bed time stories just got a tad bit harder to enjoy.

This sky is empty.
No clouds.
No Rain.
No God.
My heart is empty.
As the battles become savage and bloody with lifeless bodies strewn about...
And Death crouches down grinning as he empties wallets, pockets and purses.
As the battles have all become lost.
No triumph, no salvation... No victory kisses.
But we can all count on one thing.
There will always be traffic.


the night is getting to me, finally.

I am alone.
The hallways gather me up, and I am swallowed by their enormity.
I can hear almost everything.
The slow rattle and hum
as copious amounts of cold air is pushed from the air conditioning unit's vent.
My thoughts though are side tracked and taken up by raw bursts of negativity.
Like this infinite lonesomeness.
like this unrelenting heartache.
My mood is sombre, but not to worry...
I can still fake a smile.


The scars and the lies.

For every visible scar on my hulking frame..
there is a lie.
As many scars there are lies.
And to see me, it has to be known that they number high.
My truth is all but forgotten and I miss the person that I have trouble truly remembering.
God willing, some day when there is no more story left and I am bolted up in a shiny new casket,
We will meet.
The lies and the truth.
I hope we beat each other into a second death.






















____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________

July 1st 2007 THE RETURN OF THE RENTALS!!!!
July 1st 2007 THE RETURN OF THE RENTALS!!!!

Las Vegas, NV.

Tonight I saw at "The Beauty Bar" a special up close and personal show featuring "The Rentals"!
I found out about the show around 6:30pm and debated on if I should go or not
(due to my being very, very broke).
But my wife, in a truly sweet and sincere moment told me I had to go see them live as
I have been waiting to see the Rentals since my Freshman year of High School.
Not only did she tell me I had to go, she gave me the $$$ she had intended to use
towards the getting ready of her art show at T.A.O. Gallery Next Thursday.
So, I arrive at the Beauty Bar and wait in the back near the door that leads to the
outside stage area. I am lucky that I can actually hear The Rentals sound checking
every time somebody opens the door leading outside. After waiting what felt like an
eternity we finally went outside to watch the show. The opening band I had never
heard of was called "Goldenboy" and was very pleasant on the ears. But in all honesty
it was hard to focus as my mind was racing with excitement in waiting for the Rentals.
Finally they took to the stage and from that point on until the end it was just pure magic.
Let me explain...
The Rentals did something very, very special for me tonight.
With all the issues I have been dealing with as of late they truly brought me out of a very
dark place and shined some incredible light into my life. I had been down for so long I
forgot what it was like to be enraptured in pure joy and fun! I grinned like an idiot the whole
performance, I sang along loud and I felt a jolt of life jump back into this very tired soul.
Some of the song highlight's included: "The Cruise", "Move on", "Friends of P", "Waiting",
"These Days", "Seven more minuets" and some new material on their upcoming E.P.
They put on a heartfelt and powerful performance all wrapped up in one big burrito of fun.
After the show I got to meet members from the band including singer and brainchild Matt Sharp.
I told him that I had been waiting since High School to see the Rentals rock Las Vegas and
in his response he was a complete nice guy.
Shaking my hand and signing random things pushed his way and stopping for photographs
with all his twenty something to mid thirty something fans...
and that of course includes me.

(Very Dark Photo of "The" Matt Sharp and Captain PirateFace

I told him that my 3 year old son will have the pleasure of seeing them live with me when they
come back in September to rock the House of Blues. My advice... Go see them live!
You will not be disappointed.
They put on an amazing live show and include so many of your favorites in the set you don't
even have time to whine if they don't include your favorite song...
ahem.."Man with two brains".
I am counting the days until I can the see them at the House of Blues Show, and cannot wait
to share in the joy of the music with my little boy.
The Rentals (as far as live performances go) rank up there with the best I have seen.
Nine Inch Nails, Mogwai, Lagwagon, They Might be Giants....
See The Rentals live at The House of Blues On Wednesday September 19th!
You will not be disappointed. Here are some pictures I scared up.



____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________

July First 2007 (now it's dark)

Well, it's times like this I can say with a straight face I am a complete friggin psycho.
I felt so good during and after the Rentals show last night and today/tonight...now,
I am just crashing into a pool of depression. Now some of you are saying...
"Big fucking surprise captain, you are a natural crybaby/whiner."
Yeah...but....not all the time alright!!!
I was looking at my "I-Tunes" play lists and it seems I have just as many play lists
as I have songs. Weird fucker that I am.
Tonight I will be listening to some Beethoven and a wee bit of Clinic and some Muse...
Also some Iron & Wine, Joy Division, Radiohead, Elliot Smith, Brand New, Cake. Youth Group and Gus Gus. I am actually sorta digging Marilyn Manson's new album and I haven't really dug his stuff since he had left Nothing Records and parted ways with the T. Rez.
Oh, I think I will include some of Prick/Lucky Pierre's music in the mix tonight to make me feel young again. HA.

I was looking through some burned DVD's when I got home tonight separating junk from necessity from blank discs and happened upon a rare treat (insert sarcasm here).
It was a DVD recording of my Grandmother's funeral. Not only was it a very hard day, but I also got to watch myself stand up and take the podium and say some things about my grandmother.
It was like re-living the funeral. Watching me on video sob uncontrollably was just gut wrenching
and heartbreaking.
So, it kind of steered me to where I am now.

Gina and I have been getting along the last couple of day's...
Am I convinced she still loves me? I don't know.
I do know I love her and will keep trying to win her back until I either succeed or she does leave me. But, it's hard to love a guy like me. I am a clinical bi-polar mess of ecstatic joy to rage to depression. it's like a roller coaster that never gets fun.
And despite whatever happens between us... she is a great mom and a fantastic artist,
I am very proud of her. Look in this upcoming weeks "Citylife" for an article about her and her artwork and upcoming Gallery showing starting this Thursday.

After posting tonight I plan on watching "Boogie Nights". Those that think it's just a movie about porn should just line up in the stupid line now. It's very deep and has a lot to say about people of all walks of life.

so that's all amigo's.

Oh and to the very nice young lady who sent me a great comment on my foolish rambling style.
Thank you. I love the feedback as it makes me feel like there may be "actual" people reading this
garbage other than my sweet and overly concerned cousins.
Please keep the feedback coming and I would love to dive into some of your literature some time.


The "Captain PirateFace is a whiny bitch" Soundtrack

1. Radiohead = Creep (acoustic)
2. Prick = Make believe
3. Elliot Smith = King's Crossing
4. Youth Group = Skeleton Jar
5. Brand New = Jesus
6. Joy Division = Atmosphere
7. Iron & Wine = Naked as we came
8. Prick = No fair fights
9. Arcade Fire = Neon Bible
10. The Rentals = Say Goodbye Forever
11. Gus Gus = Is Jesus your pal?
12. Cake = She'll come back to me
13. Joy Division = Love will tear us apart
14. Prick = Universe
15. The Rentals = Move on

"I see now my ship it has come in... But it was a joke, there's nothing aboard."
-Prick "Make believe"-

On with the words.












The problem with crying out and exposing your feelings.

They, the collective crowd of friends and family, enemies, supervisors and make believe pals...
Pricked up their ears and with burning torches and pitchforks in hand
were ready to finally listen.
Trying to speak all that came out, instead of words...
was a guttural growling sound...
little dog whimpers and the occasional cat hiss..
as tears streamed down the face.
The faces turned ugly and those with free hands covered their ears and let out panicked yells.
Babies cried.
Old folks fainted.
Nobody could recognize me.
And those that maybe could either pretended they couldn't...
or just did not care.
And as they approach, Hate in the eyes and the blood lust in their heart's...
I don't make a move to run.
I don't move a muscle.
Devils believing in their hearts that they are doing what any self respecting Angel would do.
They tear me apart.
My meat in their teeth.
My sorrow and heartache tainting their weapons with red, red blood.
No winners.
Just self proclaimed winners and one incredible loser.


One sad and lonely little robot

A fall from grace.
A push from the the pirate ship's plank.
Metal sinks fast and hard.
This robot heavy hearted sank twice as fast.
Knocking out a mermaid on his way down.
At the bottom he sat on a large volcanic rock and cried.
The sea creatures sat somberly looking on.
The Kraken scooped up the little robot and lacking the words cradled him in his giant arms.
The little robot said in his speak-and-spell voice that:
"Nobody loves me... Everyone leaves me behind or pushes me away."
And all the sea monster could do was hold the little robot a little tighter,
letting a few tears of his own float into the surrounding ocean.
The water level raised that evening quite a bit as the Kraken had never cried before.
And things may have not gotten better or they may have...
All anyone knows is that for just a moment in time things had become a little bit nicer.
A little robot finally felt the love he wanted returned so badly
and a sea monster felt empathy and cried.







the last time

The long walk through thick darkness.
Pale and eyeless people stand on the sides stretching out their hands.
They want to feel the warmth of your skin.
They want to feel alive.
And with every touch you twitch.
Stars burn bright in the night sky and the moon is full and radiant with madness.
The brain aches and the throat is soar from the constant sobbing.
There has to be another path.
Another way.
We will find a way to carry on...
You and I...
Our own path will be guilt free.
Our path will be soft grass and bathed in a pale moonlight reserved for sweet dreams...
Leading to the ocean, where in it's dark waters we will wash the pain away.
Where we will stand waist deep surrounded by the warmth of one another
and the circling of stingrays and sharks.




Goodnight and may sanity keep company with us all.

Captain PirateFace