Friday, June 29, 2007
Where has it gone? Damn that pesky soul of mine!!!
(Written Saturday June 30th 2007)
No Sex, No Drugs... just melancholy Rock n' Roll.
Finished "The Old Man and the Sea", just amazing really. I think the way the main character (the old man) thinks should be converted into a religion. So humble and sweet natured. Without telling the whole story just know that he is possibly the most humble character to ever exist.
Ryne, I appreciate your concern, but I would rather you not treat me with kid gloves and just come see me or call. As I have just been worried sick and thus affecting me even more negatively. Am I disappointed? Yes, but I don't hate you kid. You and Frank are my little brothers. You know I am and have always been here to help. So stop being a bitch and get in touch with me. Sorry that this is so "Public" but you know I am a weird fucker with weird moods.
didn't go see She Wants Revenge tonight... why. Fuck if I know.
Tonight I am listening to Elliot Smith break my heart with little jabs from the rentals, bright eyes and of course the Arcade Fire.
Tonight's Soundtrack, "The Captains Saddest Sea Songs for a full moonlit night"
1. Bright Eyes = First Day of my Life
2. Elliot Smith = The Biggest Lie
3. Arcade Fire = Intervention
4. Pink Floyd = Vera
5. Daniel Johnston = The Story of an Artist
6. Bright Eyes = Landlocked Blues
7. Daniel Johnston = Devil Town
8. Pink Floyd = Nobody Home
9. Elliot Smith = 2:45am
10. Arcade Fire = Accidents
11. The Rentals = Move On
On with the "Fuck-A-Round!"
One so short, if you blink it you may miss it.
The most amazing, breathtaking and beautiful sound I have ever heard...
The sound of my son inhale and exhale as he sleeps deeply and sweetly.
Brings me to instant tears.
Tell you what...
you stop forcing me knee deep in misery,
and I will stop smothering you with love, pain and anguish.
Take this life and shove it! and please forgive me when all is said and done.
I have become the unwanted prisoner of lucid dreaming.
I turn my head near breaking this fat neck to watch you walk by me...
Near breaking my neck.
Sitting on the top of my cloud nine I suddenly feel fear and the effect of a winter hurricane.
Battered by the ice cold rain of love.
Tidal waves of hate.
Obliterating my safest spot, my cloud nine.
Crashing this fat boy into the ocean.
My drowning in slow motion.
Confusing the poor fish.
Things are beginning to fade out and go dark when suddenly
a hand breaks through the crashing waves above and out of the pitch black.
Warm to the touch as it holds my head under filling my soul with salt water
and vast nothingness.
Sometimes bad poetry ends this way,
as do bad poets.
Bed time stories just got a tad bit harder to enjoy.
This sky is empty.
My heart is empty.
As the battles become savage and bloody with lifeless bodies strewn about...
And Death crouches down grinning as he empties wallets, pockets and purses.
As the battles have all become lost.
No triumph, no salvation... No victory kisses.
But we can all count on one thing.
There will always be traffic.
the night is getting to me, finally.
I am alone.
The hallways gather me up, and I am swallowed by their enormity.
I can hear almost everything.
The slow rattle and hum
as copious amounts of cold air is pushed from the air conditioning unit's vent.
My thoughts though are side tracked and taken up by raw bursts of negativity.
Like this infinite lonesomeness.
like this unrelenting heartache.
My mood is sombre, but not to worry...
I can still fake a smile.
The scars and the lies.
For every visible scar on my hulking frame..
there is a lie.
As many scars there are lies.
And to see me, it has to be known that they number high.
My truth is all but forgotten and I miss the person that I have trouble truly remembering.
God willing, some day when there is no more story left and I am bolted up in a shiny new casket,
We will meet.
The lies and the truth.
I hope we beat each other into a second death.
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July 1st 2007 THE RETURN OF THE RENTALS!!!!
July 1st 2007 THE RETURN OF THE RENTALS!!!!
Las Vegas, NV.
Tonight I saw at "The Beauty Bar" a special up close and personal show featuring "The Rentals"!
I found out about the show around 6:30pm and debated on if I should go or not
(due to my being very, very broke).
But my wife, in a truly sweet and sincere moment told me I had to go see them live as
I have been waiting to see the Rentals since my Freshman year of High School.
Not only did she tell me I had to go, she gave me the $$$ she had intended to use
towards the getting ready of her art show at T.A.O. Gallery Next Thursday.
So, I arrive at the Beauty Bar and wait in the back near the door that leads to the
outside stage area. I am lucky that I can actually hear The Rentals sound checking
every time somebody opens the door leading outside. After waiting what felt like an
eternity we finally went outside to watch the show. The opening band I had never
heard of was called "Goldenboy" and was very pleasant on the ears. But in all honesty
it was hard to focus as my mind was racing with excitement in waiting for the Rentals.
Finally they took to the stage and from that point on until the end it was just pure magic.
Let me explain...
The Rentals did something very, very special for me tonight.
With all the issues I have been dealing with as of late they truly brought me out of a very
dark place and shined some incredible light into my life. I had been down for so long I
forgot what it was like to be enraptured in pure joy and fun! I grinned like an idiot the whole
performance, I sang along loud and I felt a jolt of life jump back into this very tired soul.
Some of the song highlight's included: "The Cruise", "Move on", "Friends of P", "Waiting",
"These Days", "Seven more minuets" and some new material on their upcoming E.P.
They put on a heartfelt and powerful performance all wrapped up in one big burrito of fun.
After the show I got to meet members from the band including singer and brainchild Matt Sharp.
I told him that I had been waiting since High School to see the Rentals rock Las Vegas and
in his response he was a complete nice guy.
Shaking my hand and signing random things pushed his way and stopping for photographs
with all his twenty something to mid thirty something fans...
and that of course includes me.
(Very Dark Photo of "The" Matt Sharp and Captain PirateFace
I told him that my 3 year old son will have the pleasure of seeing them live with me when they
come back in September to rock the House of Blues. My advice... Go see them live!
You will not be disappointed.
They put on an amazing live show and include so many of your favorites in the set you don't
even have time to whine if they don't include your favorite song...
ahem.."Man with two brains".
I am counting the days until I can the see them at the House of Blues Show, and cannot wait
to share in the joy of the music with my little boy.
The Rentals (as far as live performances go) rank up there with the best I have seen.
Nine Inch Nails, Mogwai, Lagwagon, They Might be Giants....
See The Rentals live at The House of Blues On Wednesday September 19th!
You will not be disappointed. Here are some pictures I scared up.
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July First 2007 (now it's dark)
Well, it's times like this I can say with a straight face I am a complete friggin psycho.
I felt so good during and after the Rentals show last night and today/tonight...now,
I am just crashing into a pool of depression. Now some of you are saying...
"Big fucking surprise captain, you are a natural crybaby/whiner."
Yeah...but....not all the time alright!!!
I was looking at my "I-Tunes" play lists and it seems I have just as many play lists
as I have songs. Weird fucker that I am.
Tonight I will be listening to some Beethoven and a wee bit of Clinic and some Muse...
Also some Iron & Wine, Joy Division, Radiohead, Elliot Smith, Brand New, Cake. Youth Group and Gus Gus. I am actually sorta digging Marilyn Manson's new album and I haven't really dug his stuff since he had left Nothing Records and parted ways with the T. Rez.
Oh, I think I will include some of Prick/Lucky Pierre's music in the mix tonight to make me feel young again. HA.
I was looking through some burned DVD's when I got home tonight separating junk from necessity from blank discs and happened upon a rare treat (insert sarcasm here).
It was a DVD recording of my Grandmother's funeral. Not only was it a very hard day, but I also got to watch myself stand up and take the podium and say some things about my grandmother.
It was like re-living the funeral. Watching me on video sob uncontrollably was just gut wrenching
So, it kind of steered me to where I am now.
Gina and I have been getting along the last couple of day's...
Am I convinced she still loves me? I don't know.
I do know I love her and will keep trying to win her back until I either succeed or she does leave me. But, it's hard to love a guy like me. I am a clinical bi-polar mess of ecstatic joy to rage to depression. it's like a roller coaster that never gets fun.
And despite whatever happens between us... she is a great mom and a fantastic artist,
I am very proud of her. Look in this upcoming weeks "Citylife" for an article about her and her artwork and upcoming Gallery showing starting this Thursday.
After posting tonight I plan on watching "Boogie Nights". Those that think it's just a movie about porn should just line up in the stupid line now. It's very deep and has a lot to say about people of all walks of life.
so that's all amigo's.
Oh and to the very nice young lady who sent me a great comment on my foolish rambling style.
Thank you. I love the feedback as it makes me feel like there may be "actual" people reading this
garbage other than my sweet and overly concerned cousins.
Please keep the feedback coming and I would love to dive into some of your literature some time.
The "Captain PirateFace is a whiny bitch" Soundtrack
1. Radiohead = Creep (acoustic)
2. Prick = Make believe
3. Elliot Smith = King's Crossing
4. Youth Group = Skeleton Jar
5. Brand New = Jesus
6. Joy Division = Atmosphere
7. Iron & Wine = Naked as we came
8. Prick = No fair fights
9. Arcade Fire = Neon Bible
10. The Rentals = Say Goodbye Forever
11. Gus Gus = Is Jesus your pal?
12. Cake = She'll come back to me
13. Joy Division = Love will tear us apart
14. Prick = Universe
15. The Rentals = Move on
"I see now my ship it has come in... But it was a joke, there's nothing aboard."
-Prick "Make believe"-
On with the words.
The problem with crying out and exposing your feelings.
They, the collective crowd of friends and family, enemies, supervisors and make believe pals...
Pricked up their ears and with burning torches and pitchforks in hand
were ready to finally listen.
Trying to speak all that came out, instead of words...
was a guttural growling sound...
little dog whimpers and the occasional cat hiss..
as tears streamed down the face.
The faces turned ugly and those with free hands covered their ears and let out panicked yells.
Old folks fainted.
Nobody could recognize me.
And those that maybe could either pretended they couldn't...
or just did not care.
And as they approach, Hate in the eyes and the blood lust in their heart's...
I don't make a move to run.
I don't move a muscle.
Devils believing in their hearts that they are doing what any self respecting Angel would do.
They tear me apart.
My meat in their teeth.
My sorrow and heartache tainting their weapons with red, red blood.
Just self proclaimed winners and one incredible loser.
One sad and lonely little robot
A fall from grace.
A push from the the pirate ship's plank.
Metal sinks fast and hard.
This robot heavy hearted sank twice as fast.
Knocking out a mermaid on his way down.
At the bottom he sat on a large volcanic rock and cried.
The sea creatures sat somberly looking on.
The Kraken scooped up the little robot and lacking the words cradled him in his giant arms.
The little robot said in his speak-and-spell voice that:
"Nobody loves me... Everyone leaves me behind or pushes me away."
And all the sea monster could do was hold the little robot a little tighter,
letting a few tears of his own float into the surrounding ocean.
The water level raised that evening quite a bit as the Kraken had never cried before.
And things may have not gotten better or they may have...
All anyone knows is that for just a moment in time things had become a little bit nicer.
A little robot finally felt the love he wanted returned so badly
and a sea monster felt empathy and cried.
the last time
The long walk through thick darkness.
Pale and eyeless people stand on the sides stretching out their hands.
They want to feel the warmth of your skin.
They want to feel alive.
And with every touch you twitch.
Stars burn bright in the night sky and the moon is full and radiant with madness.
The brain aches and the throat is soar from the constant sobbing.
There has to be another path.
We will find a way to carry on...
You and I...
Our own path will be guilt free.
Our path will be soft grass and bathed in a pale moonlight reserved for sweet dreams...
Leading to the ocean, where in it's dark waters we will wash the pain away.
Where we will stand waist deep surrounded by the warmth of one another
and the circling of stingrays and sharks.
Goodnight and may sanity keep company with us all.
How can you save me when you can't save yourself?
"nothing can save
it keeps the walls
— Charles Bukowski
it keeps the walls
— Charles Bukowski