When you think you've had to much of this life...to hang on.

i feel that i can embrace all emotions with a disquiet that confuses those that love me most.

Weird dreams all night... rabid dogs, broken carnival rides, and old woman crying on my shoulder...

sheesh.

i have been "off" this weekend but i am in repair mode... my shit will be back to fresh again yo.

sometimes i hurt a bit. sometimes i die a bit. sometimes i giggle like a wee little girl.

Becoming formidable

dropping my own menace into society
i felt my blood boil hot and dangerous 

i felt bone splintering underneath the weight of my fists

teeth popping out

nasal cavity crushed along with a terrible broken nose.

broken and fractured ribs.
i used to be a piece of shit.

i used to be formidable.

i hated him so much.

Breaking habits 

He used to snort pain pills...

and speed.

and love...

right into his fragile and sick brain.

he used to be sweet and kind.
he used to care...

now all he does is write shit poetry from what I hear..

i heard he got better and is doing ok...

but you know he's probably dead.

Sounding out

my breathing in sync with my imaginary ocean wave beyond my reach
far away from this desert.
i have been stranded here for years

born here... dying here. getting older here...

my vision fails a little now and my hearing is even worse...

but i feel given the circumstances... 

i am ageing well.

i like the little grey hairs i find on my head.

it means i am alive.

that i beat the odds and all those fuckers who predicted me dead were wrong

dead wrong

many of them dead now themselves....

so i walk with more pain these days but i walk taller

and the shitty one hundred degree weather will not beat me down

i am a survivor

sin city has taught me to be...

though i cannot lie i find a strange calm wash over me on those nights i can enjoy the city from afar 

and actually see the stars in the sky 

usually blotted out by las vegas glitz.

i live... and breath and sway

like my ocean so very far away.

Captain PirateFace

Amazing Live Version of the Video at zee top of this post...

and i leave you with the most amazing R.E.M. song ever written...