presenting....

Known this fella when he was just a kid... Check it out and if you dig it...

Let em' know...

Captain PirateFace

Kid Cudi

Just recently discovered Kid Cudi for myself... amazing stuff... super deep...

that's it for a min.

cappy.

i think your a contra

Someday's are harder than others. Someday's are hard just walking around and fake smiling. pretending all day long. to like all this. heh. i miss my little boy, i miss having people love me, i miss the person i was supposed to be. do i truly have to beg for friends? am i that fucking annoying that i can't make new friends? that i cannot find a woman to love me? blah blah blah blah... same fucking subject, different fucking day.


Oh woah is me!


Fuck you Captain....

like the sound of a one armed man clapping....

You know what truly sucks... 

the Clark County School District's budget is being butchered and the only press CCSD get's is usually pretty crappy and pretty much deserved. As in banning tax paying citizens from district board meeting's which is "supposed" to be public, due to a dislike of those tax paying citizens opinions and which also included banning CCSD student's who have come to speak and have their opinions heard. With very little mention about how we are being sized down like a company when our job's are critical to not just us bet the education of the children. While higher education get's unlimited press in the free "alternative" press (LV Weekly, Citylife) including  the RJ as well, for their financial woes. Which truly is sad as higher ed will be losing whole departments. Which will most likely affect future attendance to UNLV but also displaces professors and some students.

There hasn't been a cost of living pay increase in "years" and that truly hurt's us support staff, i.e. Campus Security, Teacher's Aids, Custodial, Office Staff, etc... Most of us, not all but most are only 9 month employee's. 

School District: "Have a great summer!" 
Support Staff: "Umm... What do we do for work for 3 months? How will we live??? 
School District: "I SAID HAVE A GREAT GOD DAMN SUMMER! SEE YOU IN 3 MOTHS IF YOU STILL WAN'T A JOB!!! 
Support Staff: "......o.k." 

Zero support staff union support... sorry it's not really a union.

Or the fact that the casino's are still in the plus column financially (not as much as the usual... obviously) and do almost "nothing" to help the very citizen's that run their day to day operations by helping with "any kind of funding" to graduate their children into intelligent adult's who can strengthen our local economy. Business won't come because they don't wan't to hire moron's... think about it? Would you?

So basically we are just getting shat on... over an over again... (catch that Sandovall? You Brilliant Butcher of Sin City) 

and then... 

this  stupid ugly bitch.. 


forces a "Special Need's Child", meaning self contained, usually children with down's syndrome, Low functioning autistic's, etc... to hit himself not once but 8 times in the face. Makes my blood boil... I would never wish harm on a woman but I would gladly see this "animal" get hit in the face as many times  as needed... because this is no woman. Thanks! You horrible, sadistic, sick, stupid... sub human.... I could go on forever.

don't help bring much sympathy for the 200 or so teachers and support staff that will be misplaced or "let go".. Doesn't really encourage the voting/taxpaying public to beg for a tax increase to support our dying education that is just mirroring our dying bright lit city... Just another notch on the prison wall waiting for the hangman's noose. I mean it... moron's like this are helping destroy any chance of the CCSD getting any help or support from anybody. Any time one of these idiots touches a kid, or hurt's a kid... it makes the public hate the CCSD and it affects everybody.. not just adult's... but it affects the kid's 100%. I have been in the district for the last 9 years or so... it's getting worse folks.  We need more employees and better resources and the chance of getting that... well, Hell ain't getting any colder is it folks?

May God help us all.. 




Captain PirateFace 


(playing hard for the losing team since 2002!)

i think things are funny that maybe some people don't...

an oldie written waaaaay back in 06\

what the fuck was I thinking? 

She sat me down and plowed through 15 family photo albums.
(her favorite picture is of a surprised grandma on the toilet taking a shit.)
She then took out the acoustic guitar and sang horrible standard pop songs.
After 45 grueling minutes she finally put the guitar down.
Asked me if I thought she was beautiful and started to cry…
“Fuck me.” I thought to myself “What the fuck is this shit?”
She cried about how un-pretty she claimed she was.
How her parents did not understand her.
How her ex-boyfriend had cheated on her
(couldn’t imagine why.)
And when I went to consolidate her she told me it was time to go,
and that I was moving too fast.
In all I wasn’t planning on “moving” at all.
She walked me to her door where her black lab began sniffing my crotch.
She smiled and said “Maybe you could come back tomorrow?”
I just smiled…… and ran from her house as fast as my legs would allow.












;) Zee Captain

who woulda thought...

I have had this blog since 2006...  about 5 years runnin'.....



damn







Captain PirateFace

Fuck You Bukowski! Fuck you for being so nasty and "correct" about love....

With All The Love I Had, Which Was Not Enough by Charles Bukowski.

I pick up the skirt,I pick up the sparkling beads in black, this thing that moved once around flesh, and I call God a liar, I say anything that moved like that or knew my name could never die in the common verity of dying, and I pick up her lovely dress, all her loveliness gone, and I speak to all the gods, Jewish gods, Christ-gods, chips of blinking things, idols, pills, bread, fathoms, risks, knowledgeable surrender, rats in the gravy of 2 gone quite mad without a chance, hummingbird knowledge, hummingbird chance, I lean upon this, I lean on all of this and I know: her dress upon my arm: but they will not give her back to me.












p.s. Bukowski and Thompson will always be my literary hero's


Lub


Captain "Ladies take a number... there is only one of me!" PirateFace

Nummers!

Shit! i think i know that disgusting fella!

just another manic monday....

W O W


Somebody was a big sissy baby this weekend filled with memories and touching moment's that made him act like a weepy little girl.. Guess who????


nevermind.



So, I usually spend a majority of time "Bitching, Whining, Complaining, Etc, Etc, Etc.... this blog is my sounding board people! and usually when i want to sound off i am in a sad or "fucked" mood. But today... I wan't to talk about... my son.

i know a grip of parent's that always beam about their kids... how sweet, smart and great they are... and i am sure they are just extra lovin' on their kids but some of their kid's... not all of them... are assholes.
not in the adult sense of the word... you know... in the kid sense. Like.. "Damn... That kid just bit me and told me to fuck myself"...you know... Asshole kids.

anyway, i have to say i was very lucky with my son. He has the biggest heart i have ever encountered. He is just such an empathetic little man. And... AND!!! i am certain that the boy is a musical genius and will one day blow the socks off this world. He is friggin' 7 and he has been teaching himself dozens of songs on the drums and piano... all by ear. Not only that... even though his daddy can be a whiny bastard from time to time... He just loves the hell out of me... and finally i am in a point in my life where, yeah.. i may be lonely for female companionship (i.e. "relationship" ) but i can proudly say i am the kind of father i want to be. But, will always strive to be better. Not for me but for that little crazy boy i helped bring into this world. He has great taste in music, he is silly and funny and dramatic and brave and a flirt.... he's my son... Gabriel. The very best thing to ever happen to me.. or ever will.

end dramatics.

Have a great week Sin City and beyond...

Love,

Captain PirateFace

trouble

Trouble


Oh trouble set me free
I have seen your face
And it's too much too much for me


Trouble


Oh trouble can't you see
You're eating my heart away
And there's nothing much left of me
I've drunk your wine
You have made your world mine


So won't you be fair
So won't you be fair


I don't want no more of you
So won't you be kind to me
Just let me go where
I'll have to go there


Trouble


Oh trouble move away
I have seen your face
and it's too much for me today


Trouble


Oh trouble can't you see
You have made me a wreck
Now won't you leave me in my misery
I've seen your eyes
and I can see death's disguise
Hangin' on me
Hangin' on me
I'm beat, I'm torn
Shattered and tossed and worn
Too shocking to see
Too shocking to see


Trouble


Oh trouble move from me
I have paid my debt
Now won't you leave me in my misery


Trouble


Oh trouble please be kind
I don't want no fight
And I haven't got a lot of time

beyond the sea... out here in the neon and zee dirt... "Bat Country"

so my California trip just fell to shit. so, as of now and the foreseeable future i will not be going .


sucks to be me i guess...


was really looking forward to the break in my boring shitty existence but whatever... what can i do?


nothing





oh and Elizabeth Taylor died.... and i don't care.





Captain PirateFace

Here we be again... proper fucking English be Damned!!!

Hello pussy cat's and hound dogs....

                     what you been up to?

So... been reading lot's of uplifting material... Read a book the other day about "child killers A.K.A Children who kill"... yep. And just finished a book last night about the Holocaust and the Concentration camps. Very hardcore stuff for sure. And, as you can imagine... it does absolutely nothing for depression reading about spree killing and genocide. Speaking of depression... I am just going to iron it out here for my own common sense (....HAHAHAHA!!) So... lately as i finally approach a year of being single, i have noticed that the more time goes on... the more i miss an ex. this ex, i am sure, has moved on. And to a point i have to... but it's easy to remember all the things that made you crazy for a person... and very easy to forget all the bullshit and tears and arguments, so.. i have been pining away for somebody who i have no chance with and will never give a shit about me again. i can't honestly say i have been "trying" to date. One date does not constitute "dating". And the reason i have such a shitty time dating is because i am either a) petrified as i am dating retarded or b) because not a single female on this whole entire fucking planet is interested in me. So, loneliness has been running rampant lately. Love song's, romantic films, couples, etc... each of those just fucking kill me when i see them. i wan't so badly to be a part of all that again but alas... i am me. Who know's what the future brings... all i know is that i don't wan't to get their alone. The shittiest part is everything else in my life is running Ok as an average (lately..."Murphy's Law" will return and it is a motherfucker.) but things would be great if i wasn't so lonely. Oh! And i happened to perchance across a flash drive at work full of pictures of me and my ex. Kissing, Hugging, Playing in snow, On vacation in California.. Seeing those was like swallowing a stomach full of razorblades and tears. But cannot bring myself to delete her pictures. Maybe someday i will have the courage to do just that but until then it's all i have left of her. is this missing her because she was the last one i was with or is it because i am just a lonely sad sac motherfucker who needs to meet someone new? i just can't wrap my head around it. 




and... why the hell am i asking you people"? 


it's not like your going to answer me.


i just whine so damn good.

Still waiting on my FASFA form's to be processed to see what i can possibly get in school loans... Once all that is done i can take my next step to starting college. Then the CCSD can be afraid... very afriad ;)




other than that... America is bombing Libya, Japan is in near Nuclear meltdown after killer earthquakes and tsunamis, it rained in Vegas yesterday morning and i am no longer constipated.   :)
























and we pick until the scab is gone


all i can do is wait and watch for a hint
a hint that the bullshit has passed
a feeling of relief
a feeling of winning
i can wait forever
instead of beating into me the serenity 
i am waiting to be a new person
to cocoon
and break free 
as something with wings... scab free.
because now...
i am sick of picking at my wounds
sick of peeling away the dead skin
sick of wiping away the blood and polishing off the bone
i am waiting
i will be waiting
for the finish line...
for you




























































the small empty space in my heart were i keep all those things that would destroy your world.


those grungy little thoughts
the dirty mind
the sad mind
tears keep staining the cheeks 
and Christ i am so sick of weeping...
my wounded heart
my wounded soul
nailed to the earth for the vultures  to pick clean.
stay calm...
as it will only frighten the birds.
i keep struggling with my dreams of you
keep trying to erase someone who truly exists
as my make believe friends watch from the shadows
making as little noise as possible.

if only those shadows could hold me...
just for a little while.













Arg!


Captain PirateFace

I miss...

not to beat a dead horse but...




i truly and really miss...


kissing




hugging






cuddling






loving








you know...




all that bullshit.






Just thought i would let you know...

Love, The Captain

dreams were made to inspire and torture... this i truly believe.

Hey Beautiful....

just wanted to say that to somebody... anybody.

it's been a while.

   take it as you will.......

Breathing in rhythm

Gently.
I fell gently into confusion and hoped to be there forever,
but sadly was pulled back.
i am not too ashamed to say that i am scared.
All i see now is the swallowing dark in my head whenever i close my eyes.
and i am afraid.

i stretch out my fingers feeling the air for tension.
feeling the world around me.
living and moving
dying and rotting
just like me

when the clouds obstruct the sun and the world turns grey
i smile and wait patiently for rain
waiting for these strange and terrible things to leave me
so when i finally tell you "i love you"...
you will know i mean it.

I am moving on to no place in particular

as the dust blows around abandoned desert towns forever and ever.












Feel

To touch and know
embrace
hold kiss
love
and when there is an absence of these
i
wither
fade
lose.




















I felt like waving

so now...
this little...
ninja.
zombie hunter.
superhero.
comes running at me full speed grinning from ear to ear...
my little boy.
my Gabriel.
He wraps his arms around me,
and hugging my son back...
the bad feelings dissipate.
when I am with my son nothing else matters.
It all falls away and the sun rises in my heart.
















Love... 

and you know I truly love you all.


Captain PirateFace

Fading away while continuing to exist... kind of...

  
hi there... is anybody reading this friggin' blog or what? is it all just misdirected traffic? do most people stumble upon my shitty little blog whilst looking for odd kinds of pornography? hmmm??? someday's i wake up filled with hope and optimism. other's... not so much. i feel like a god damn human yo-yo. It would just be incredibly nice to hold someone again. I know it would do wonders for my attitude.




























Also... guess what? Today was just like



yesterday and the day
before and the day before,
etc...


somehow all very familiar.






Still "planning" on going to California the beginning of April. Hoping doofus will get his crap together so's i don't go on this journey solo.
Still terribly alone and lonely... just living a quiet, boring, almost friendless, absolutely loveless life. yay for the captain. i think the problem is i have far too much alone time... and not being able to stand myself you can kinda see the dilemma. Can't run away from who you are... what you look like... how your perceived... just gotta live with the knowledge that i might just be alone for the rest of my life. i have been on one date in a year... 1... not two, not three... one. There are no lines forming at my door. And... AND!!! Not to be "dirty" but not only have i been single a year this very month... it's been over a year since any sweet booty shaking love making either... damn. That just made me ten times more depressed. damn.

At lease these fella's were never lonely right?

 and now... for something that might pass as poetry... "might" 

 

the left behind finally get the clue and step back into the shadows 

i don't know what to say anymore.
my scream has become a faint whisper.
my voice comes out distant and full of nonsense.
now i am a ghost.
struggling to be heard.
banging against walls and whispering little things
to myself as i drift off to sleep.

while i know your dreaming about everything but me.









Blending humor into tragedy, or: Blending tragedy into humor.
the tragic comic
so damn many of us...
so... funny.
crazy
stupid
dying


sad


but still..
so funny!
Lenny Bruce died overdosing on misery to tell the final punchline...


nobody got it.


though, they thought they did.

us clowns...
us jokers...
we smile through the pain, "our" pain.
we sift through and use our pain.
and if we didn't laugh at all the nonsense and the bullshit...
we would just sit around and weep.


But a bunch of crybaby losers isn't nearly as hysterical as a
bunch of self deprecating crazy people... right?
i promise i am laughing with "you", and "at" this silly little world
that never ceases to amaze me, and nearly always let's me down.

'the only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of life, your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they're not punishing you,'  

'They're freeing your soul. So, if you're frightened of dying and... you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.'

-Meister Eckhart-

have you made your peace?

Kisses..

Love The Captain

"beware the Ides of March"

                    "Beware the Ides of March"






Well... Don't say i didn't warn you....

By the way, Got to see Joey Cape perform at The Dive Bar this last Sunday night... Amazing...

What an amazing singer and songwriter. He performed with his new band "The Bad Louds" one of the many band names he might keep permanently for this incarnation. And after that he concluded the show with a good 2 hour (as time progressed Joey became more drunk and funnier) acoustic set. No live performances have been posted to YouTube as yet from the show i attended but as to give you an idea of how the man sounds here be some live songs recorded elsewhere...

  

By the way, if you don't know who Joey Cape is.... figure it out.

We depart and lose our maps only to get further lost in the mire.

I feel little goosebumps form on my skin.

She lost her way home and could be in grave danger...

lost forever..

whatever.

In the air is a feeling of absolute dread, even while picture perfect families

set up picnic blanket's and lay out their feasts.

Tuck in their shirts and hide away their misery so they can defend on the quick with their

shit eating grins.

But hey... it's not a crime to "pretend" to be happy.

But it should be.

Lub

Captain PirateFace

.

yeah...

i hate... and i do mean "hate" being alone.

whatever.






igiveup.

and it's like the book says....

I am just too foolish to give up on falling in love again completely.                    (still miss ya chedder)

 

i feel like a little boy who just found out superheros aren't real...

we held hands and tried to believe in one another


our hands clasped tight together,
until you started to fade away.
i couldn't hold on to you.
i couldn't hold you.
now these nights are tiring and long
full of strange nightmares and a need to love and explore.
while your shadow skirts in and out of my field of vision.
i know you and yet you cease to exist for me.
i don't know you anymore.
these days i sleep allot, like the cat's we used to love on.
these days i take a breath before i round the corner.
these days i can't even think about you without that tiny little pain
deep in my corroded heart.
these days i let music lull me to sleep instead of our embrace...
as my heart forgets what it's like to properly love somebody.
i keep telling myself...
"it's o.k."
"i will be fine."
"it's o.k."
"i will be good."


i guess we will just have to wait and see.

Fucked in the Face


"What did you just say?" She said
"Fucked in the face.." I replied
"Why in the hell would you say that?" She said
"Just about sums up how I am feeling today" I replied
"Well, that's just rude and disgusting." She said
"Sorry" i replied

Where will we go when they all disappear?


Now...
my hands tremble and shake ever so slightly...
overflowing with black ink pumping through my veins.
through my heart.
When i lie to you i will do it with conviction.
i will make you believe in lies.
My apology will be quick and heartfelt, it will drip with passion
and i will never truly mean it.
But sometimes i will.
When the light's go off for the very last time, i often wonder to myself...
will i still be all alone?

Captain PirateFace