i think i need to calm down.












i just spent 10 min at work with the door closed staring at the monitor...


















the word: "Pathetic" comes to mind. See also; "Whiner", "Coward", etc...


whatever

Drowning

      Well... hello there! just dropping by? Wish i was....

So. Today is October 26th 2010... and if Gina would not have left me i would be celebrating my 8th wedding anniversary. i have to be honest and say i don't really know how i feel about it. sad... that my son has a broken family. sad... that i couldn't keep my marriage together. sad.

also... i know that she is better off without me in her life. so kinda happy. 

i guess it's just a day to mark my failing as a husband. a day to remember that "every" woman i have truly loved has left me. sad.

    This... in a nutshell... is my life.....

    As the warm afternoon fades to freezing night.

i am still here.

without any of you...

Love.... Captain PirateFace

My son the sun!

My boy is amazing. Never a dreary thought or disposition around my little guy. Just impossible. I look at him and know "giving up" can never be an option. I might be a mopey bitch but deep down inside and for most people I hide an optimism that usually stay's internal. I love everybody... and hate them half the time as well. ;)
I miss him already having gone back to his momma's... chokes me up to think about him, but it's always "happy tears". I have the best little boy on the planet... and I know a grip of you do too.




Goodnight.




John A.k.A. Captain PirateFace

Repeat misery.

yap

My ma's home made soup is the shit yo... and I just finished the last of it... a win.... and a loss.


love you!




more later ya bastard sharks ye!

a little tiny bit of fun is a-o.k.!

Going to see "Jackass 3D" today... don't judge me. I think it's funny stuff yo.










I hope today is good for everyone out in this big big world who need's a good day.






Adieu, Captain PirateFace 

Hell Hounds and love, love, love..... stupid.

 ‎"there is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock. people so tired mutilated either by love or no love. people just are not good to each other one on one. the rich are not good to the rich the poor are not good to the poor. we are afraid. our educational system tells us that we can all be big-ass winners. it hasn't told us about the gutters or the suicides. or the terror of one person aching in one place alone untouched unspoken to watering a plant." — Charles Bukowski (Love Is a Dog from Hell: Poems, 1974-1977)

over the rainbow......

well... I guess I just never really "got" the human race. I though I had a handle... that people are good deep down inside. I still "wish" that to be true but I think (like myself) most people find a comfort in being sad, pissed, frustrated, etc.. And if there is truly no tension in the negative at all... well, all us un-hinged mother fucker's just seem to go a little bit nutty.


to quote Pink Floyd:


"Crazy... Toy's in the attic I am crazy... truly gone fishing... They must have taken my marbles away."








that's all for tonight you dirt fucking rat's!




Love.






Captain PirateFace

i feel like the loneliest boy on earth.

I would adore more reader's. would whomever the hell you are please spread the word.

and just when I thought it was safe to get back in the water, the fucking shark eat's me...

so, woke up today feeling like a big shitty clown.
a not-so-funny-mostly-sad-clown.

Don't you just love how certain smell's, place's, sound's and thing's all trigger memories? And you have no control of what or how it is triggered. So every time that happen's to me I get either pissy, sad or hyper? makes sense right? and lucky me... today it is "Whiny Bitch Day" or as I like to call it "WBD DAY". Who is this whiny bitch? I, of course!

But it's cool.

I know it's a chemical imbalance in the brain.

I know medication would help.

fuck pills.

I can just ride the Captain's dark ocean waves until the end of time. I would rather be a shitty me then a pretend happy facsimile. So yeah... Fuck Pills.

Hey if they work for you and they provide some kind of semblance of normalcy... right on.

for me...

fuck those pills.








I just keep thinking if I wasn't so damn unbearably lonely I wouldn't feel so fucking horrible all the time. And since the rest of the world need's me "together" I get to smile all day externally acting like a happy asshole... Meanwhile I carry all this nasty emotional baggage right in the gut's... the gutty work's as it is.

then there are the moment's I just sit and fucking cry...

and those moment's come more often than I would like.

Christ. I can't even bribe people to hang out with me..

Then again I am Captain PirateFace, the name fit's, the disposition fit's.
Crabby emo pirate captain delivering sub-par poetry on the waves of the internet...

well... fuck you too ;)

Godbless,

rot and love and passion and remorse...

Captain PirateFace.

I can't stand Las Vegas... I truly hate this piece of shit town....

anyhow, Had a truly amazing time in Cali. with my family. They are way to kind to this nasty old pirate for sure... They are amazing people and deserve the very best. On Saturday we headed down to Santa Cruz and enjoyed a day at the beach and the shop's of Downtown Santa Cruz. I absolutely love Santa Cruz, and if I ever get to escape Las Vegas... that is where I would like to go. I would be a freak amongst freaks and somehow that is a very comforting feeling. Sunday we headed down to Berkeley and walked around checking out the shop's. We had an awesome dinner at "Nan and Curry". Later that night for the first time (and hopefully not the last) I got to enjoy Arcade Fire at the Greek theater... I am not bullshitting here... simply amazing... best show I have "ever" (sorry NIN) seen. Hands down.Here is a link to my Facebook if you would like to see the pic's as there are just too many to post here and I am lazy. Just click the link and friend request me.

-------> LINK OF DOOM (to pic's) <---------

here is a link to one of the best (one of many) moment's of the show.

Sunday, I enjoyed a pretty quiet day walking around and soaking in San Francisco, my cousin meeting me and hanging out with me till it was time for me to fly home.

Then... the sad flight back to Desert Prison Hell.

which bring's us here...

back to boredom.

Naw, just yanking your chain. I am going to see The Vandal's at the end of the month and hopefully we (Gabriel and I) will be seeing The Aquabat's, Reel Big Fish and Goldfinger.

other then that, the day's go by and are mostly sad and boring. Once in a while thing's are not so glum but hell if you read this blog, by now you have realized that even when I am happy I am still a whiny prick. Yeah I still miss my ex-girlfriend, yeah I am super lonely these day's but I am alive right? I will eventually find someone to love me and put up with my shit ;)

Love Captain PirateFace.

________________________________________________________________________________________

one last jump in the ocean.

i didn't want to drown.
i didn't want to be out here

all alone

again.
The dark rising water will overtake me.

but i am breathing.

my heart beats buried within my chest.
faint.

but i am living.

My strength and grief will become an island.
Where my rainstorm's will be solitary...

but with a comfort that i can still at least enjoy the rain.
.
.
.

.

.

.

.

i guess you deserve the right to be rid of me.

and i have the right to one day try and love again...

and still miss you once in a while.