The best thing about life, Is knowing you put it together

"They look like big strong hands... don't they?"

Water rolls down the skin like tiny beads..
Eyes close so that they might see.
Illum tangendo (touching him)
This sun is a star in someone else's sky
Illum tangendo (touching him)
This moon is making someone cry...
Illum tangendo (touching him)

Captain PirateFace say's "Ahoy!"

Captain PirateFace say's "Ahoy!"
Updated by, Captain PirateFace

The Captain


This is not an Exit

Never Say Die!!!

"the tigers have found me
and I do not care."

Charles Bukowski

there is no fear here

there is no fear here
there is a fear here

Saturday, September 06, 2008

he wishes...

He wishes for the cloths of heaven
Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.

-- William Butler Yeats

un·cer·tain·ty [uhn-sur-tn-tee] Pronunciation Key –noun, plural -ties for 2.
1.the state of being uncertain; doubt; hesitancy: His uncertainty gave impetus to his inquiry. instance of uncertainty, doubt, etc.
3.unpredictability; indeterminacy; indefiniteness.

heart·ache [hahrt-eyk] Pronunciation Key
emotional pain or distress; sorrow; grief; anguish.

be·tray [bi-trey] Pronunciation Key –verb (used with object) deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty: Benedict Arnold betrayed his country. be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust. disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends. reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret. reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal): Her nervousness betrays her insecurity. show or exhibit; reveal; disclose: an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern. deceive, misguide, or corrupt: a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly. seduce and desert.

[ri-mawrs] Pronunciation Key –noun
1.deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction.
2.Obsolete. pity; compassion.

in·san·i·ty [in-san-i-tee] Pronunciation Key –noun, plural -ties.
1.the condition of being insane; a derangement of the mind.
2.Law. such unsoundness of mind as affects legal responsibility or capacity.
3.Psychiatry. (formerly) psychosis.
4.extreme folly; senselessness; foolhardiness.

de·serv·ing [di-zur-ving] Pronunciation Key –adjective
1.qualified for or having a claim to reward, assistance, etc., because of one's actions, qualities, or situation: the deserving poor; a deserving applicant.
2.meriting; worthy: a criminal deserving of a lifetime sentence.

jack·ass [jak-as] Pronunciation Key –noun
1.a male donkey.
2.a contemptibly foolish or stupid person; dolt; blockhead; ass.

bro·ken [broh-kuhn] Pronunciation Key –verb
1.pp. of break.
2.reduced to fragments; fragmented.
3.ruptured; torn; fractured.
4.not functioning properly; out of working order.
5.Meteorology. (of sky cover) being more than half, but not totally, covered by clouds. Compare scattered (def. 4).
6.changing direction abruptly: The fox ran in a broken line.
7.fragmentary or incomplete: a broken ton of coal weighing 1,500 pounds.
8.infringed or violated: A broken promise is a betrayal of trust.
9.interrupted, disrupted, or disconnected: After the phone call he returned to his broken sleep.
10.weakened in strength, spirit, etc.: His broken health was due to alcoholism.
11.tamed, trained, or reduced to submission: The horse was broken to the saddle.
12.imperfectly spoken, as language: She still speaks broken English.
13.spoken in a halting or fragmentary manner, as under emotional strain: He uttered a few broken words of sorrow.
14.disunited or divided: Divorce results in broken families.
15.not smooth; rough or irregular: We left the plains and rode through broken country.
16.ruined; bankrupt: the broken fortunes of his family.
17.Papermaking, Printing. a quantity of paper of less than 500 or 1000 sheets

em·pa·thy [em-puh-thee] Pronunciation Key –noun
1.the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
2.the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself: By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.

Nine Inch Nails
-and all that could have been-

Breeze still carries the sound
Maybe I'll disappear
Tracks will fade in the snow
You won't find me here

Ice is starting to form
Ending what had begun
I am locked in my head
With what I've done
I know you tried to rescue me
Didn't let anyone get in
Left with a trace of all that was
And all that could have been

Take this
And run far away
Far away from me
I am
The two of us
Were never meant to be
All these
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see
In my
You meant everything
Everything to me
Gone fading everything
And all that could have been

Take this
And run far away
Far as you can see
I am
And happiness and peace of mind
Were never meant for me
All these
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see
In my
You meant everything
Everything to me..........................................................................

i am tired and need sleep and cant sleep and couldn't sleep. and that's what i get.
i don't know how to do this whole "life" thing... i just keep fucking it up. i can't seem
to get things right. i just don't have a single fucking clue what to do anymore....
nobody has the answer either, friends, family i even thought that praying would help...
all i got in response was mostly shrugged shoulder's, "i don't knows" and silence from the
so called "great creator". silence all night long when all i needed to defeat the darkness
around me was the laughter in a voice. lame captain.... lame.

it's 7:21 am and i still have yet to sleep or rest and one of the most important days in a very
long time is today and i will be fucked in all manners. when my mother gave birth i wonder
if she had wished for any children that had lived?

no more name

as the world went white and horrible he found himself alone and afraid.
and he could almost bare the loneliness that was driving him further into madness.
as long as it kept it from all those that he loved.
he was nobody here.
no name.
no personality.
no more heart.
no heartache.
fair trade he thought.
and if they never found him again, maybe they could hold on to a good memory...
instead of all the bad ones he himself had created.
and as the white world succumbed to darkness he held his hand out wanting..
knowing it would never feel the tight embrace of another's ever again.

and it had to make sense...
didn't it?


Nine Inch Nails
-select lyrics from "Hurt"-

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

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How can you save me when you can't save yourself?

"nothing can save
it keeps the walls

Charles Bukowski