no fight left in this bloated body...

my mom's cat, sassy is dying as I type this.
My Grandmother is pretty sure her kidney's are giving out.
My mom is bringing her to the vet in the morning... most likely, Sassy will be put down.
I have known sassy since I was in 8th grade.

My wife is mad at me for getting home late. I had to work a half hour extra and then I went to see my Mom and say goodbye to Sassy. But I didn't... say goodbye that is.
I did not want to see her in that way.
My wife does not care that Sassy is dying.
Maybe she usually would but tonight all she cares about is hating me.
Which I guess I deserve because I am a motherfucker.

Anyhow, sorry no updates as of late. Life has just been kicking my ever loving ass.
I hope you are all well and you will see some more crap tomorrow.

I am listening to an outstanding mix of ambient and mellow muzik.

1. Mogwai - Auto Rock
2. Nine Inch Nails (Featuring vocals by Stella Soleil) - A warm place
4. The Beatniks - Une Femme N'est Pas Un Homme (Aphex Twin Mix)
5. Aphex Twin - IZ-US
6. The Postal Service - Such great heights
7. Aphex Twin - Hexagon
8. Nine Inch Nails - Adrift and at peace
9. Mogwai - Tracy
10. Nine Inch Nails/Aphex Twin - The Beauty of being numb
11. Nine Inch Nails - A warm place
12. Jon Brion - Phone Call
13. The Postal Service - Natural Anthem
14. Explosions in the sky - Our Last Days As Children
15. Jon Brion - Theme from "Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind"
16. Clint Mansell - Requiem for a dream
17. The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)
18. Dntel - Roll On (Ft. Jenny Lewis) (DTAS)
19. A whisper in the noise - The Times They Are A-Changin'
20. Brian Eno - An Ending (Ascent) from the film "28 Days Later"

here are a few poems...

p.s. Do you like the slightly different new look of the blog?


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The Destruction of the human spirit

a man ceases to be man...
when the job becomes oppressive.
The supervisors...
cruel.
But man needs to live.
Man needs to put food on the table to feed his family.
A man must provide shelter...
warmth from the cold
and
shade from the sun.
Man sacrifices his soul.
Personality.
Youth.
Love of life...
to provide and give such things.
The kicker is,
nobody notices.
nobody cares.
Even man himself is starting too ignore cruel fate...
starting not to notice, not to care.
There can be no saving the minimalist savior.
He walks slowly towards lifes final reward...
quiet death.



Addiction

like this pathetic intoxication a moth must feel,
as it dry humps a burning lightbulb...
fucking itself out of exsistence in the desperate need for illumination.
I am an addict.
For the love I have tasted but you refuse to give.
For the wine that returns the kiss by lovingly burning my throat.
For the little white pills that take reality and tip it ever so slightly on its side.
I am failing again at being a human...
at playing this game of humanity.

They say I won't let anybody in....
Hell, I'm not even home.


*
Blowing me goodbye kisses...

The look of tragedy is deep set in your eyes.
The worry lines are forever carved in your once youthful face...
but the beauty remains.
Those final words spent on me are pure poison.
You never even tried to forgive me.
I walk away, as I have done a thousand times before...
breaking your heart every time, all over again.
You blow me a goodbye kiss and I wonder to myself...
Which will reach me first?
The goodbye kiss or the bullet just shot from your gun?
I turn around arms out anticipating both.
Equally deadly... I embrace.
The last thing I see is you walking away... no tear stained face.
Just your back as you leave.
Giving back what I had done to you a thousand times before.

*
Goodnight lunatics.

I love you all.

Captain PirateFace














































i wish we weren't such bastards to one another all the time. we are becoming horrible people and it is killing us both...