staring off the cliff below...

"Wind in your sail"
-By Lagwagon-

It's negative
I wish you the worst dear,
to feel the greatest pain
A positive
You say it's all in vain
I know I felt, and I won't feel again
I know you Hours of madness, years of dysfunction,
the deepest embitterment No will to strive or achieve,
finale in breakdown
Perpetual fall on your knees, as you crawl back to me
It ends like this I can hope for bliss, if you fail again
'Cause I'm right here, to witness every step And when you trip,
I will cherish it
Hours of madness, years of dysfunction, the deepest embitterment
No will to strive or achieve, finale in breakdown
Perpetual fall on your knees, as you crawl back to me
I live to watch you fail, I live to watch you fail I live to watch you fail,
I am the wind in your sail
I wish you the worst dear, to feel the greatest pain
'Cause I'm right here, to retrieve all you stole
Every tear, and everything you own I wish you Hours of madness,
years of dysfunction, the deepest embitterment
No will to trust anyone
This is how I lived, this is how you left me blue
As I crawl back to you.
___________________________________________
i am listening to: "Mountain Halo" by: The Appleseed Cast.
______________________________________________

*
Bathing in moonlight while swallowing death

The current has shifted and brought me out to a wretched suck in the water dragging me deep into the undertow where the waves pound me against the jagged coral and slimy stones at the oceans floor. I inhale salt water and feel an instant burn in my lungs. I think of you and this life within you and without. I smile opening my mouth to let the ocean embrace me with icy fingers clawing down my throat. I let the ocean take me... drowning away my life, my pain and complications. Drowning away my memories of you. Sleep carefully my love... may you never have to swim this cold ocean alone. ____________________________________________________________________
So, things aren't ok anymore. i am in a tailspin like never before. i hate to be cryptic but i fear i cannot let this well fastened mask slip and show my true face in these here parts. words avoid me... leaving me that much more alone as not being able to let this rage and sadness loose from my burning aggravated gut. time will go by and one day i will be me again, but until then i am lost. a man with no home. a man with no heart.

*

Lost in childhood

mother.
these attacks that happen in increased viciousness and thick with venom must stop.
i need protection from this pain in a makeshift womb.
mother...
call your angry sisters and daughters away from this carrion man i have become
and spare my wounded heart from being picked clean.
stop the severity of their claws from lovingly separating tired skin
from it's soft and beaten flesh.
mommy.
they wound me and wound me...
licking the blood from their lips while smiling dark wicked smiles
reserved for make believe witches in fairy tales.
mom.
my soul is so very tired my heart beat has slowed to the steady crawl,
catching the rhythm of my tears.
lock me away this man child of your that i have become.
and i am so nearly gone that the shadows behind me threaten to devour me whole.
my internal scream comes spilling out from the throat in the form of a low guttural whisper.
and i cannot wait for the day when i have no voice to speak with.
when these dreadful, pain filled words cease to be.
i can almost feel that darkness awaiting me.

mom,
i wont forget to say goodbye to all your sisters and daughters and vengeful goddesses.
blowing a kiss before bowing out of this madness forever.
just another dark stain in the night sky.

*
Everyday

I know that I have been poisoned by you.
And my attempts at keeping those painful memories at bay
would take a lifetime to suppress.
And like a caged rat I gnaw at the bars wearing my teeth down
to broken and bloodied fragments.
Just like my own worn out caged rat's heart.
But maybe I am just bitter,
never thinking this shiny blade penetrating my gut
would have been lovingly plunged in by you.

*
Pillow Talk

We have been whispering little secrets into tear stained pillows.
Sharing fears and fantasies with whatever ghost sits listening in our room.
All these dreaded and perverse little secrets.
Begging beyond the walls for some of those secrets to fade away...
die off...
never have been whispered.
Even if they kill a little part of you.
Dying slowly per lost secret is far better than living with this heavy heart.

I wish I could share it all with you.

However it affects you.


















and i am gone

Captain PirateFace

...

so, shit has officially hit the fan and I really cannot speak about it at the moment, so as of now until further notice...
no personal blog posts, just poetry. interpret it as you will. someday I will explain all. Just know I need all your support and I am hurting more than I have ever hurt before in my entire life.

Love and respect to all of you.


Captain PirateFace

?

everything smells like death today.
.
..................
.
.

the world is slowly turning as i sit silently in the dark

sorry for the lack of updates, if anybody has noticed.
I have not forgotten the California trip update there is just a load to cover.
i feel bad as i cannot seem to get the words out of my head lately and express myself poetically or otherwise and it's keeping me all pent up. i am guessing it's mostly due to stress. stress of work, money, being an asshole daily, being married to the girl of my dreams who despises me.
hopefully something solid will show back up at this blog sooner than later.

wish me luck.



captain pirateface

do the collapse!

so tired.......
shouldn't I just go to bed????

I feel like exploding while going ten thousand miles per hour.








i don't need you































i







don't








need.

a leap of faith, and a matter of falling

the other day i read to a class room the first hand account essay of my suicide attempt.

i was nervous as the kids in my school are there for various behavioral issues.
the whole time i read and gave commentary where i felt it was needed there was nary a peep. not a sound. i saw a deep understanding in the eyes of these children whose lives have been drug through the dirt and whose have just begun to unfortunately to echo my own. there were some children in the class with tears welling up in the eyes, a few girls and boys. and when i finished reading, i received a warm round of applause and a few words of gratitude and compliments. those compliments came trickling through the day with warm honest handshakes and thanks. It felt good having reached those kids again... then this last Friday the reality if what my job is and what i have to do hit as i had to forcibly put a young lady on her bus as she sobbed and resisted, knowing there is a possibility that she is physically abused at home. even worse knowing at that moment that there was no other possibility other than what i had to do and what was told to do. it broke my heart, and started my weekend out shitty proper.


i have been working on a long detailed account of our California trip to Fangoria/Disneyland/SeaWorld so expect that someday...


Oh yeah the following in Italics and in the lovely color green was written on May 15th when I was very tired and pissed but never published to blogger but here ya go for Fun's sake...

I just wanted to start off by saying thank you to you all for the over whelming amount of e-mail I have received since yesterdays post! A whole slew of.... not one fucking e-mail! If I felt much more love I would die by choking on the gun oil before the bullet ever reached the brain.

Fuck certain married bitches in my life for attacking me on the most deepest and most personal possible issues to make me feel like shit... nice low blow... I hope hell has a nice comfy seat for your miserable ass some shiny happy day.
I miss the old "her", the one I knew and fell deep in love with "once upon a time", not this puppet master tyrant, no love to give, venomous vampire.

I am so fucking tired I keep passing out and having conversations out loud with the people I am hallucinating / dreaming of.


oh, on a very fucking positive note... nine inch nails has released their new album at www.nin.com called "The Slip" absolutely fucking FREE Baby! Go there now and Download that shit. Amazing album with multiple high end format's and album artwork as a "Thank You" to the fans... says the ol' Reznor.

I have been slowly working on a detailed blog chock full of pictures and witty banter all about the infamous "California" Trip that should be uploaded within a few days at best. So here is some writing you fucking fuckd,,,,,,,,,


i hope all is well with the world.
i am still a pissed of rotten bastard but i just keep trying to either smile or cry through all that crazy pain.
as the Joker would say...
"Why so serious?"

___________________________________________________________________



The blank expression on my face is the best I can do with your knife in my guts

I just got tired of sneaking into your window at night and taking pictures of your sleeping face and lack of smiles.
Of getting lost in the thoughts of you while trying to find a decent book on World War Two at the public library.
I got bored waiting in dirty bathwater that went from comfortable warm to chilly cold with the phone 2 feet away waiting for the call that would never come.
I gave all those mix Cd's I made for you away to strangers.
I got mixed reactions and mixed looks from each person I handed one off too.
I miss you but I am finding it's not nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be.
So when it hurts the most and I have to pretend it doesn't,
when you see me I can give you that indifferent look on my face...
I just find a late night swing set and swing as high as I can kicking my legs towards the stars.
I do this and I laugh.
I do this and I laugh and I cry and I do this until the cops tell me to go home.
I hope you have a perfect life without me.
Because in the end it really doesn't matter anyways does it?
And I repeat that last sentence as I fall asleep every night swallowing that lump in my throat I call heartache and pride.
Sweet dreams kiddo.
I will keep kicking at those stars for you.


That sad little fat boy in the skeleton Pajama's was I.

The walls have held up with pictures of the dead longer than the lives in the pictures had lived.
Now the walls hold the pictures of ghosts.
Now the walls tell the stories of families that have given birth, lived and died.
And the pictures someday will fall and break.
Be pulled away.
Thrown out.
And there ghostly clean spots will still remain.
Phantom pictures frames.
Until they are smeared over with the exorcism of a fresh coat of paint...
or knocked down.
Becoming phantom walls.
Phantom Walls with phantom picture frames of the dead.


Love lost in a Judas Kiss.

She looks at me with heavy blame in her eyes,
as if to say:
"You have eaten my heart".
I cant say I even know this panicked woman staring into my eyes.
Her lips quivering as she chants some kind of incantation that she "thinks"
centers her universe.
I look at those tragic eyes and know that I must soon flee...
You see I know it will not be long before I fall madly in love with this
delicate wreck still shaking like a leaf.
I walk slowly away praying to any listening higher power that she will not follow.
When she stays put I smile to myself guessing "something" must have listened.
As she fades from my sight I can't help but become awash in sadness.
I can almost see her remove a syringe from her collapsed veins filled with junk.
I just can't seem to wrap my head around it anymore.


My Spectacular City!

There is a wheelchair.
Rusted and Worn out, sitting by a city bus stop waiting for the arrival
of a break from the one hundred plus degree heat.
And in this wheelchair sits a bag of diseased skin barely hanging on to a meat
filled skeleton that once had a name.
That once had dreams.
Hopes and Fears...
Now it is just waiting to die.
Slouched in it's chair.
A slave to pain and sadness and not much more again.


Stupid guy thinks he's a human

Learning to walk the path of the beat down man.
I do.
Smiling through the bruises and limping through my pain.
Grin and bear it.
As the old show tune would say:
"Why look so awfully tragic?
Put on a happy face!"
But the song left out the suffering.
But, forget all that nonsense and shuffle yer feet into oblivion
as we put on our happiest masks we can find.
So, we can fuck our way to Heaven or Hell grinning like the God Damned fools
we have always been.


Where did it go?

Little notes sent off back and forth.
Small delicate words written by small delicate hands.
There is only love and sadness in this precisely folded paper.
And this is as pure as love will ever be.


Goodbye....me

scratched out poems mean too many failures unbearable to read again.
embarrassing deformed offspring birthed to the page.
brought on by the prick of my pen to fertile white paper.
raped of it's virgin clarity.
everyday the words become heavier and harder to write, like tearing away
little pieces of me...
In the parting words of a mostly unread poem.
Slowly forgetting the youth.
The times of Content.

Goodnight Jerkface, and and all the rest of you too.

Captain PirateFace

tired

i am tired and am going to sleep but will be home tomorrow after 9pm


i miss human contact...

indulge me


captpirateface@aol.com
home 792-260-9757
movie phone 702-222-3456

Fuckers~!

I am in California baby! Updating this outdated fuck of a blog from my hotel/Hostel in L.A.! Tomorrow through Sunday I will be kicking it with the psycho's and creeps at Fango's Weekend of Horror's! Metting Captain Spaulding and the Original Leatherface! HELL YESSS! And Monday I will be spending the day at Disneyland with the family and Tuesday at Sea World! YEP. I FUCKING ROCK RIGHT NOW BEEEYATCH! I will upload pictures and all that jazz when I get back. Oh and drop me a line here or at my e-mail Captpirateface@aol.com if you know about any cool shit I could be doing out here in L.A.


Word'

The Capn'

p.s.

I love Ben Hall and his man teats!

FUCK YOU It's my Birthday

tomorrow is another day near death

Tomorrow I will be 28 years old... jesus christ.

more crap soon.

Love. the capatian

Thank you strange and wonderful creatures...

Thank you anybody and everybody who has frequented this blog...

I checked the numbers today and have seen that within the last month

I have had over 700 hit! (which for this modest little site is a kick ass thing).

So again... Thank you all.

P.S. I have had another unfortunate writers block recently but you crazy kids have

inspired me to stop being a lazy ass and WRITE!!!!

so, there should be some fookin' site tonight or tomorrow.

Captain PirateFace

Also Coming Up Tomorrow

Yo! Las Vegas locals get off yer fat asses and support some local culture!

Art in the Square - Friday, March 28

It's an Art Affair at Town Square!
Town Square Las Vegas will host Art in the Square on Friday, March 28 from 4 pm to 8 pm at Town Square Park. The event will feature exhibits by local artists, live entertainment and activities for children. A portion of sales by the exhibitors will benefit the Children’s Heart Foundation, whose goal is to bring health, hope and happiness to children impacted by congenital heart defects. Art in the Square will take place every fourth Friday of the month from March through September.


This event will be located in Town Square Park and on Town Square West Street. Entertainment will include activities for the children such as drawing, face painting, magic acts, and balloon art; live music in the Pavilion presented by Michael Soli; and wine by the glass service from Brio.

If you are interested in more information pertaining to the event, please call Susan Holland at 702-269-5016.

Town Square Las Vegas, developed by Turnberry Associates and Centra Properties, is an open-air shopping, dining and entertainment center on the Las Vegas Strip at the Intersection of I-15 and the 215 Beltway. An eclectic mix of retail, restaurants and more comprise Town Square Las Vegas in addition to an interactive children’s park, Town Square Park for special events and Class A office space. For more information visit http://www.townsquarelasvegas.com/.

sweet surrender to the shadows that break my heart

The stains of Love that saturate my longing heart.

Hurry up and wait for me as I love you from a distance...
childhood crush style.
Hating every thought that forms around you.
Caressing your naked body with slow soft poetry bringing tears of joy to my eyes as you kiss them away mistaking them for pain.
The sun set long ago and a pleasant breezy night comes sneaking through our window, tip toeing across pale nude flesh bringing forth little goose bumps. A similar caress at the nape of your neck past your hips and ending around your legs with one lone finger.
My heart beats loud and fast but you know this as you can feel it through you back while I press up against you, turning our joint heartbeats into one beautiful spastic thunder crash.
I lose myself in you completely and do not care.
The world beyond this darkened room could be falling apart and all I would need is this moment... now.
Forever and ever.




Living in shambles behind the scenes

sleeping like good friend death has pulled my plug once again
I hear phantom footsteps yet nobody sneaking behind me.
I feel a numb comfortable warmth all around me, lulling me into a
false fetal joy...
Jelly of the womb.
Ready to be birthed...
shit out.
Smiling a jokers grin, putting out the vibe that gets the ladies wet
and the young men cower with fear.
But don't mind me...
I am just tasting life in small delicate licks and vicious meaty bites.


Captain PirateFace

i was livin' in a devil town...

The following was written in a stupor of some kind ( I will not verify if it was drug induced or drink induced ) am I using that to excuse any of what I typed? no... I feel that honesty is the best policy no matter how bitter the taste. So below you can dwell in the naked feelings of a fool who writes to read his own silly gibberish....

Captain PirateFace

____________________________________________________________________



"I was livin in a devil town..
didn't know it was a devil town...
Oh lord it really brings me down about the devil town.
And all my friends were vampires.
Didn't know they were vampires..
Turns out I was a vampire myself in the devil town."



A message to the masses from Captain PirateFace

Fuck you all.
Did you hear that?
Fuck you all.
This isn't some emo teens blog.
This isn't some over privileged fuckers writing time.
This is little bits and pieces of my stupid little life.
Don't be surprised that that crack in the ice have appeared under my feet.
And yes I was directly quoting Pink Floyd.
I am fucking Flawed.
I try in my Love Life, My Family Life, My Job and I fail at all three...
I am not a good husband, father or worker.
I rely on little white pills to stabilise my already complicated moods.
Every stupid little poem written is from my sick guts.
Guts that some of you can claim responsibility for helping destroy.
You know who you are if your even reading at all.
I won't name names.
Do you know what it's like to get up day after day and come to grips
with the fact that you cannot succeed. That people around you tell you lies
and give you false hope knowing full God damn well you will never do it, Never make it?
I miss my family. I am sick of being so alone.
I am so sick and sad that my son, my poor little boy has a father like me....
my special little boy.
The only person to bring joy into this sad pathetic world I own.
He deserves so much more than me.
He is the only reason I haven't killed myself, Because I am selfish and can't stand the thought
of not seeing his little face smile and see him sing along to his songs and to hold him and to watch
him breath as he sleeps.

And I can almost guess what your thinking....
Oh Captain is he not reason enough?
He should be shouldn't he?
You would think....
and he inspires me.
But I always end up failing and falling.
And I think some days he would be better
off having a decent dead father than a living shitty one.
My wife and I have the same problem.
We have nobody we can talk too, Because when she opens up to me
I cannot face her honesty and treat it as an attack.
It's the cowards way of reacting... I just cant take her feelings of feeling helpless and
hurt and alone on top of my mounted problems. And though I know she does not read this
piece of shit blog I am sorry to her for that.
I wish she had picked better and I wish I wasn't so damn selfish by begging her not to leave me all the time.
Even though she greatly deserves her freedom from me.

So again...
any of you pre judging fucks speak up. I have nothing left to lose.
I will meet you in any alley or street in the Valley and take you on fist to fist just to
get the blood back on my hands and regain some of that sick perverse strength I would find in the
act of near murder.
For those of you with half a heart and some very mild interest in this horrorshow.
I am sorry I am batshit crazy.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.








That is all for now and again I am sorry.

Good listening:
PJ Harvey = Before Departure
Gus Gus = Is Jesus your pal?

the silence is what scares me the most

so much since last time posted....

Gina's art show at Tao was cool... I enjoyed far too much free wine and got a wee bit drunk (video to be posted at a later date). And exposed her art to a new clientele. Tao enjoyed her work and have invited her back with an artist of her choosing. Tonight is "First Friday" so that should either be a) really cool and Gina makes some $$$ or b) balls boring and we make jack. I am not going to do a zine this month but will be passing POTR flyer's with an original poem not found on this lousy under-updated site. On the awesome news from Nine Inch Nails has Sprung a new album on us called " Ghosts I-IV " which is all instrumental. One word to describe it would be "Amazing". Two words to describe it "Fucking Amazing". And the price is great, if you go to http://www.nin.com/ and order the album (only $10) it will be shipped to you on it's official release date and you will get a free download of all 36 tracks. The music ranges from the typical melancholy stuff (Stuff I dig) to funky electro beats, to noise. If you like Aphex Twin it will be right up your alley. Just go buy it!

So other then that things have been... well as they always are.

My grandfather who had a heart attack had to have surgery (to relieve pressure in his bladder)that didn't go to well which they had to stop in the middle of do to, too much bleeding and they will try again in a few weeks. Cannot say how that one goes but I hope this surgery gets completed as if it does not he will have to have a catheter

My wife still hates me and is still in a planning stage to leave me around summer time but I will keep trying to get her to fall back in love with me.

I cannot "not" try.

But in all reality I know she doesn't love me anymore and I am holding on to a fading memory of a person she no longer is or can be, just like me. She stays with me because she "has nowhere else to go" which are her words. My marriage is a lie and a farce and I do not think she is capable of loving me ever again... and the sad part is, I am starting not to care anymore. I know I love her but what am I holding on to? A loveless, sexless marriage where every thing I do is looked upon with disdain, disgust and hatred. All the while I float through life a melancholy Zombie.

My fucking lot in life, but then again what did I expect?

I always loved the girls who could never really love me back.

The worst part of all this drama? It's really all my fault.

I rely on "other" things to quell the sadness and violence in my mind.

And every time I open my mouth I just end up hurting someone or embarrassing myself.

If I didn't have that one shining light of joy in my life... Gabriel.

It would be curtains for John B. Robison III a.k.a. Captain PirateFace

It's times like this I really miss my family.

Below you will find some new stuff and hopefully tonight after "First Friday" (which if you live in the Las Vegas area you should attend, 6pm to 10pm) I will post some more.

Sorry about that lack of updates... I Suck.

May God help us all...

Captain PirateFace

___________________________________________________________________

We the people

They feed their fear with multi-colored horrors and dark sinister laughter.
Smiling at the troubled face of a sad and dying God.
Waiting for their opportunity to dine on the deity's flesh.
Rotten to the core...
The whole lot of us.


Last Resorts (Blowing the dust out of the old video games to make them playable again)

I waited for hours for a single phone call...
But kept busy all night playing "Bionic Commando"
But I kept losing life and falling into chasm's because I couldn't get you off my mind.
I try and fill my heart with Nintendo...
but it really aches for you.
And I do not know if I can handle another "Game Over" with you.
So we keep playing "Games"...
with broken remote controls.


Can't you relearn to smile?

I have taken so much from you...
and you from me.
We tear the small its of flesh from one another, till only our bones remain.
Leering at one another in skeletal blame.


Am I hurting your limited Feelings?

I keep looking for a drug, a little white pill that makes the world seem less difficult.
A drug that distorts my view and calms my crawling skin.
But they all seem to just dumb it all down.
Numb the soul for a moment..
My busy and infected mind begs and pleads for solutions.
And I just cannot except that there are none to be found.


With every breath...
With every step...
I lose touch
and lose you.

Every step is pained.
Heavy.
Every day
Every breath
Every heartbeat, sad song and whisper...
is one step closer to being alone.
to death.
Some days it makes sense.
But most days it just makes me sad.
But it really is inevitable isn't it?
And every once in a while I sit alone thinking...
Could I really be lonelier than I am now?
Every day I wake up and stand looking in the mirror,
sometimes laughing.
sometimes not laughing...
wondering why a greater power could be so damn cruel.
I am almost out of humanity.
Do I let death greet me slowly?
Step by step?
Or, go valiantly into deaths loving arms?
As a coward I may never know the answer...

Never.

Captain PirateFace

G-Machine @ Tao!

TONIGHT!

call no man happy who is not dead

updates tonight

the fear, the flight, the fun and the....far away sad mind of a large man with a large failing heart.

I was driving home in my car, in heavy traffic and decided to have a little fun with two older Asian ladies in the vehicle behind me. I opened my sun roof and stuck my right arm and hand out and pointed my pointer finger straight up to the sky. The two ladies tried to make out what I was pointing at, scanning the sky for whatever I was trying to bring their attention too. I then started pointing at clusters of hotels on the Las Vegas "Strip". They started pointing in the same direction as me. I then decided to change pace and put a "thumbs up" through the sunroof. They looked perplexed staring at my thumb as we slowly crept up the road in the heavy traffic. Finally all the absurdity of staring at my "thumbs up" for over five minuets must have finally got to them as they begun to crack up in giggles while pointing at my "thumbs up". I started laughing alone in my car too with my thumb up and my arm getting tired. As I approached my street I gave mention that I would be turning right soon by pointing down at my car through the sunroof with my pointer finger and then pointing right. And as I was turning I began to have my hand. The now smiling elderly Asian ladies returned the wave and I made my turn and smiled wide as I drove down the short street home.





"Accidents" by Arcade Fire

An old man has a heart attack in the movie theater
While my friend calls an ambulance
Buster Keaton's dancing
I wait for the punchline
But it never comes

Two blind kids in wheelchairs are crossing the street
And they get hit by the ambulance
Cause the light was green
And I wait for the punchline
But it never comes

Promised you that I'd be true
And now chandeliers are crashing down to the ground
Waitresses drop their trays
Trains derail with passengers
While mother snakes eat their young
The water pipes in this town
Burst and flood the living room
The firetrucks lose their way home
And crash into the hospitals

We're causing accidents
Me and you
We're causing accidents
Me and you

Where does a promise go
When you pretend it isn't there
Do we really think that it could just disappear

_____________________________________________________________________________________

An honest response sent in a letter back to a loved one's honest question.

Because you are related to me...

"no really, it's in you and I's blood.
We are complicated people and have complicated emotions and thoughts... though sometimes things that complicate a normal person is to us but a simple thing. We act and re-act through pure emotion and struggle to blend into a world that either does not want us or is not ready for us. God made a mistake when he created people like us. And we are carnal in our needs and that frustrates the normal ones. It's not our fault... it's an unforgiving world and a distanced creator...
not because the higher power does not love us, but because he cannot understand us... he cannot tame us, so we suffer and go on suffering and suffering always near happy and almost always certainly sad."

-John Robison-

"Too weird to live, too rare to die" - HST










it's not going to stop

the world is turning.
rainclouds are gathering.
she or he, is sitting in a restroom crying over a picture of you...
and you will never know.
the waves are crashing on some distant night time beach.
and you may even be reading a poem right now.
a song featuring prominent piano and drums play loudly on a mans headphones as he writes the mentioned poem you may be reading...
or have stopped reading.
candle light flickers.
a baby is born.
somebody is dying.
a galaxy just went nova.
somewhere else two pairs of lips press together in a passionate kiss.
hearts are beating almost everywhere on the planet and to hear them all at once would be one continues noise... beautiful noise of living things, creatures and people.
I love you all and that's really only a half truth at best.
these words will most likely outlive the man writing them.
sometimes when she is on the telephone he can hear the slight change in her voice when he knows she is smiling.
I am missing people right now.
she does not like to be held by her husband while sleeping because she does not enjoy his snoring.
the end is near...


see i told you so.









tidal heart

my soul is in the depths of the ocean.
the beating of my heart is the crashing waves,
my blood the foamy salt water.
my thoughts of you run deeper then any part of the ocean.
I drown in the darkness of you...
happily and in smiling tears.











Violence

I have felt the iron taste of new blood fill up my mouth in a quick hot sticky motion.
I have felt the cartilage in a nose bone crush under the weight of my slamming fist.
I know what it's like to take a punch to the guts and feel your insides rumble and feel the flesh around the ribcage swell with pain and go hot, nearly breaking...
always bruising.
I can tell you what it's like to beat a man close to death...
and it makes me sick.
it makes me want to cry.
I have torn the flesh from right corner of the mouth all the way up to and around the ear, creating a life long scar in a fit of a drunk and drug rattled rage...
and it kills me.
it gives me nightmares.
I never fought for love... or passion.
Just defense, fear and cruelty.
for the need to give another person the pain that was killing my soul and body.
And I am sorry.
Oh dear God I am so sorry.

I hope one day I can be forgiven and my good deeds outnumber the bad.
________________________________________________________________________________











Goodnight.




Captain PirateFace


















































"The work of the eyes is done. Go now and do the heart-work on the images imprisoned within you."

-Rainer Marie Rilke-