there is no fear here
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
human junk, just words and so much skin..
Sorry about the absolutely silly fucking post last night...
Gee Whiz I am a Dork.
Check this out and tell yer pals if you live in Sin City baby.
Keep it Cool
Captain PirateFace
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
sleep forever....
He stepped up to the mirror feeling brave and realized his soul had abandoned him years ago...
__--___---________________
Mommy?... Daddy?... Why wasn't I aborted?
As the last bit of sunlight touched my skin, warming it ever so slightly I almost felt guilty...
I almost enjoyed a moment. As the days dig deeper into the skin I have worked
so hard for years to make near impenetrable, I come to expect the worst.
When I walk I look down at my feet.
I yearn for the day I can stand like a man again.
To think I used to have hope. Hope is a damn fool's bedtime story.
But I am being narcissistic at best right now.
It's not day in and day out of dramatic inner dialogue.
I have become well known in the small group of people that put up with me as a checkerboard personality.
Ray of sunshine and then, crashing dark thunderstorm's.
Breath in and hold......................................................................................................................................
Breath out.
Don't ask me how I feel about you today as either answer will just get under your skin.
I fucking hate you.
I fucking love you.
Please love me...... Somebody?
!__!__!__!__!___!____!_____!_________!________!!!!__________________!!_!_!_!_
Clear, cold and beauteous.
As the primitive yell breaks out beyond the stratosphere...
The sun gets it's first cold chill.
Two lover's (whom most will call lunatics) smile and fall deeply into
the hypnotic void of each other's stare.
And somebody watching these event's unfold from a lonely couch late at night,
takes the remote control and rewinds... plays.
rewinds... plays.
again and again and again.
It's the closest they will ever come to real love and they know it.
The moon outside lights up the world in a pale soft light that creates breathtaking,
barely visible shadows of the two of us embraced.
And despite our ship sinking, those love lorn shadows will hang on that wall like the shadow remains at Hiroshima and Nagasaki...
Even with the two of us entwined at the bottom of the sea.
One day the world will be perfection again.
The romantics and psychotics...
The artist and the poet...
will wrestle back control of the God Machine.
And push the big red button marked, "Don't you dare!"
..../........./....................................../....././..///////////////////....................././............///...///.././.
Human animals.
The Archangel Gabriel will come and give us our heads up by blowing his horn.
Humanity will have the chance to get back to basics.
Crawling on all fours with the beasts... scratching and cutting our fat over privileged bellies.
As the world devastates around us people will cry and scream and beg... "Why????"
But we will play it cool.
Swimming in lagoon's.
Screaming with every cannonball that we were the last.
To swim. To laugh. To kiss. To cannonball. In cool waters.
We are just taking back our tears.
(random pattern-random pattern-random pattern-random pattern-random pattern)
The Captain returns
My pirate ship.
Under manned.
Not a single scoundrel but myself.
I set sail.
Have adventure after adventure.
I break the heart of a mermaid princess and King Neptune damn near sinks the ship...
until I have the cannon's aimed straight at his face and he smile's nervously
and returns back to his undersea kingdom.
I bury the treasure on a haunted island, and ink the map made from real human flesh.
(for dramatic effect of course)
I brave the most treacherous sea storms and mightiest of Leviathan's krakens.
I make pirate hunters walk the plank and plunge into shark infested waters.
And, when nobody is looking I write sad little poems about the vast lonely sea
and the longing for love. And of course, the occasional sea shanty.
And losing a hand in a pirate battle is no big deal, because then I get to wear a hook.
And the best reason to be a lone pirate is at the end of a long day of pillaging and piracy I can climb in my bed below deck in the ships hull and cuddle with my teddy bear... Mr. Peepers. ________________________________-__________________________-________
The great immediate
I find my council to be ghosts and imaginary friends.
I keep my gun loaded and practice my aim by shooting down
my dreams and the occasional passing angel.
I wander this wasteland...
I am looking and searching, For the lost wings of Icarus...
And a photograph faded from the sun... water logged from the rain..
black and white to keep it timeless. Trapped in a rusted picture frame.
A photograph of you sporting the only smile I will ever need again.
Just one last testament of your love for me as I know those lips and that smile is mine.
Even if you pal around with ghosts and poltergeists I can't help but love you.
And as I drink down the chilled red wine and warm beer, pass right through me so I can have the smell of your perfume engulf and surround me. One last time.
Tomorrow I will set out on an epic journey to prove the world is flat, and run screaming off the side of the planet.
Damn it feels good to be a gangster.
Milk and kisses and Sweet Dreams
Captain PirateFace
Thursday, August 09, 2007
piano and the sound of a deep sigh...
So, I have some bad news....
I am a "Villain"
Some of you may have thought differently and I apologize for that.
Some may have thought I was the Anti-Hero (not even close), Some may have not given a shit (That's cool) Some may have thought "Damn this guy is just a whiny bitch!" (Correct but let's not be mean for the sake of being mean).
I am a villain.
with good intentions.
_____________________________________________________________________ As of today I officially quit Henderson Parks and Recreation. It felt really good to do. I am deeply saddened that I will no longer be able to spend time with some of the kids and I will miss a great deal of the staff (not supervisors) at the rec center. God help them all with the blind child hating idiots that continually use the City of Henderson's massive amount of funds to do jack shit for their community. In all seriousness I am going to take a very real complaint I have about how some of the staff mistreat the kids to the point where I see it as Mental Abuse. _____________________________________________________________________
(The Girl above is the product of my wife's warped imagination)
I want to say "I am sorry" for my remarks about God. My beliefs are my own and though I think God is still a big ass bully, once in a blue moon I take comfort that I do my own silent prayer thing and still have the freedom to "not" do it in a church and still believe us monkeys evolved from.... well.... monkeys. So I take back that I do not believe in God, I do. But the motherfucker better get his shit straight before he calls my ass home or there will be a serious ass kicking. A-Fucking-Men! ____________________________________________________________________
I was thinking the other day I would like people to know where I come from...
Give you some of the boring details and some of the details of my past that may have me lose the very thin readership I have now. I will do this in parts and it will be done on a second blog to keep it separated from the poetry and prose and ranting psycho bullshit...
That Blog is:
http://pornography-on-the-radio.blogspot.com/
I will give subtle reminders about that other blog every now and then. _____________________________________________________________________ See you tomorrow night with some actual poetry... (Fer Real yo)
Captain PirateFace
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
so you think you can tell, heaven from hell?
so, one day back and I am already going to be bitching.
I am just down.
I hate my "summer" job. The job I work at while waiting for my school district job to come back.
Today I got reprimanded by the 23 year old cunt-whore I work with/under. She is what we call a Recreation Assistant 4, I am a 3 which should explain where I am level wise compared to her. So she demeaned me and embarrassed me in front of the kids we all jointly watch. Here is the boring details. A co-worker of mine was telling three teenage girls in out program to line-up against a wall on our field trip today. The were refusing to listen but I figured he could handle the situation. The Rec4 says to both of us "You need to tell them to line up!". I being a dumb bastard defend my co-worker while trying to clear up that I was not involved. So I say to her, "He told the girls twice but they were just being difficult.", She then replies "That doesn't mean you can't step in and tell them to line up!" so as the girls are standing tow feet away I tell them "Line up" and my brilliant rec4 supervisor says to me "Don't get smart" and I say "I'm not." and she says "Now your talking back?!?" and I say "what? no..." and this is all happening while the kids are watching. So I walk over to her and tell her that she has it all wrong and she goes on to say "Don't get smart with me and I don't put up with the talking back, you need to just take it."
What a pleasant end to a pleasant day.
Last night I fought with my wife because I selfishly bought my son and I a dvd...
4 hours of fighting.
yelling, hysterics and tears..
all over a film and my selfishness.
I suck at life.
I truly mean this when I say it that If God does exist he is a big fucking bully. But I truly in my heart cannot believe that there is a God in existence that is this fucked up and cruel. Not just for my situation but for mine and many worse off. Is that your loving God? Fuck off with that.
If it works for you fine. great. grand. It just is not working for me...
fuck God.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
...
....
.....
i cried all the way home today, and it wasn't just tears rolling down my face...
it was real sobbing. I am having a real hard time with this and I feel like I am heading for a real true life adventure nervous breakdown.
sorry to disappoint you all. especially if you are a religious person.
poetry later if your still here.....
Captain PirateFace
Monday, August 06, 2007
I AM BACK BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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How can you save me when you can't save yourself?
"nothing can save
you
except
writing.
it keeps the walls
from
failing."
— Charles Bukowski
you
except
writing.
it keeps the walls
from
failing."
— Charles Bukowski