the silence is what scares me the most

so much since last time posted....

Gina's art show at Tao was cool... I enjoyed far too much free wine and got a wee bit drunk (video to be posted at a later date). And exposed her art to a new clientele. Tao enjoyed her work and have invited her back with an artist of her choosing. Tonight is "First Friday" so that should either be a) really cool and Gina makes some $$$ or b) balls boring and we make jack. I am not going to do a zine this month but will be passing POTR flyer's with an original poem not found on this lousy under-updated site. On the awesome news from Nine Inch Nails has Sprung a new album on us called " Ghosts I-IV " which is all instrumental. One word to describe it would be "Amazing". Two words to describe it "Fucking Amazing". And the price is great, if you go to http://www.nin.com/ and order the album (only $10) it will be shipped to you on it's official release date and you will get a free download of all 36 tracks. The music ranges from the typical melancholy stuff (Stuff I dig) to funky electro beats, to noise. If you like Aphex Twin it will be right up your alley. Just go buy it!

So other then that things have been... well as they always are.

My grandfather who had a heart attack had to have surgery (to relieve pressure in his bladder)that didn't go to well which they had to stop in the middle of do to, too much bleeding and they will try again in a few weeks. Cannot say how that one goes but I hope this surgery gets completed as if it does not he will have to have a catheter

My wife still hates me and is still in a planning stage to leave me around summer time but I will keep trying to get her to fall back in love with me.

I cannot "not" try.

But in all reality I know she doesn't love me anymore and I am holding on to a fading memory of a person she no longer is or can be, just like me. She stays with me because she "has nowhere else to go" which are her words. My marriage is a lie and a farce and I do not think she is capable of loving me ever again... and the sad part is, I am starting not to care anymore. I know I love her but what am I holding on to? A loveless, sexless marriage where every thing I do is looked upon with disdain, disgust and hatred. All the while I float through life a melancholy Zombie.

My fucking lot in life, but then again what did I expect?

I always loved the girls who could never really love me back.

The worst part of all this drama? It's really all my fault.

I rely on "other" things to quell the sadness and violence in my mind.

And every time I open my mouth I just end up hurting someone or embarrassing myself.

If I didn't have that one shining light of joy in my life... Gabriel.

It would be curtains for John B. Robison III a.k.a. Captain PirateFace

It's times like this I really miss my family.

Below you will find some new stuff and hopefully tonight after "First Friday" (which if you live in the Las Vegas area you should attend, 6pm to 10pm) I will post some more.

Sorry about that lack of updates... I Suck.

May God help us all...

Captain PirateFace

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We the people

They feed their fear with multi-colored horrors and dark sinister laughter.
Smiling at the troubled face of a sad and dying God.
Waiting for their opportunity to dine on the deity's flesh.
Rotten to the core...
The whole lot of us.


Last Resorts (Blowing the dust out of the old video games to make them playable again)

I waited for hours for a single phone call...
But kept busy all night playing "Bionic Commando"
But I kept losing life and falling into chasm's because I couldn't get you off my mind.
I try and fill my heart with Nintendo...
but it really aches for you.
And I do not know if I can handle another "Game Over" with you.
So we keep playing "Games"...
with broken remote controls.


Can't you relearn to smile?

I have taken so much from you...
and you from me.
We tear the small its of flesh from one another, till only our bones remain.
Leering at one another in skeletal blame.


Am I hurting your limited Feelings?

I keep looking for a drug, a little white pill that makes the world seem less difficult.
A drug that distorts my view and calms my crawling skin.
But they all seem to just dumb it all down.
Numb the soul for a moment..
My busy and infected mind begs and pleads for solutions.
And I just cannot except that there are none to be found.


With every breath...
With every step...
I lose touch
and lose you.

Every step is pained.
Heavy.
Every day
Every breath
Every heartbeat, sad song and whisper...
is one step closer to being alone.
to death.
Some days it makes sense.
But most days it just makes me sad.
But it really is inevitable isn't it?
And every once in a while I sit alone thinking...
Could I really be lonelier than I am now?
Every day I wake up and stand looking in the mirror,
sometimes laughing.
sometimes not laughing...
wondering why a greater power could be so damn cruel.
I am almost out of humanity.
Do I let death greet me slowly?
Step by step?
Or, go valiantly into deaths loving arms?
As a coward I may never know the answer...

Never.

Captain PirateFace