Pornography on the Radio: I was on my knees, when you knocked me down.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I was on my knees, when you knocked me down.

Hello all,

I have just seen an amazing film tonight.

"Knocked up"

I have never seen a film that more accurately portrays marriage and having a kid and getting older (mid age). It looks like a typically funny/goofy comedy by the trailer but turns out not only to be just that but very endearing. I almost cried like 10 times throughout the whole film. It was uncanny how I saw my wife and I in the characters portrayed by Paul Rudd and the actress playing his wife (forgive me I do not know her name).
And as odd as it sounds... made me realize some things about myself and my wife.
I can't go into details without this post becoming one gigantic spoiler. Just go see it, it's a movie everybody should see. ____________________________________________________________________ Please forgive my harshness in last nights post. I had a rough day and instead of being the usual whiny bitch that I am, I was in Dr. Claw mode. Again, sorry. ____________________________________________________________________

The need for light in dark places Sometimes.

I just want to reach up past this smothering darkness and melancholy.
And it seems that almost every time there is a lack of light to guide my way.
And with the lack of guiding light...
I reach out into darkness grasping at pitch black.
Almost in a panic and a sob, in need of human touch.
I just run, and fall and yell... into this oblivion.

Look past the windshield at the mountains.

The outline shows a darker swath on a passing painting of midnight mountains.
Surrounded by stars.
All these beautiful things I will never see.
Those masses of land will never know the force of my footfall.
The echo of my voice.
Those passing forests.
Rivers and lakes.
I will never push the baby branches out of my path.
My skin will never shutter with the splash of cold mountain water.
It's all passing me by.
As I keep watching out the window refusing to be free.
Refusing to stop the god damned car.

All those beautiful wet eyes, fresh with tears.

Shaking. Sobbing. Weeping.
Into their hands...
Young and old.
Selfish tears and tears that should have been shed years before.
Lonely faces twisted up to shadow the twisted guts inside.
Tears of frustration.
Uncontrollable tears of joy.
Tears that have fallen and broke on the artist's canvas.
The poets words.
Crying babies.
Weeping lovers.
Funeral songs and instant shock reminders of past...
loves. hate. pity.
Coffins wet from the release of pent up emotion by collected souls letting go.
The tears I cry right now.
With you. For you. For myself.
For life and love and my beautiful little boy.
For my wife's decision of having married me and endured me,
and as this is written is still trying to love me.
For the mother and father that love me strongly...
at their convenience.
For all the mothers and fathers and children.
For those moments sitting and sobbing to newsprint stories and hard headlines and local news. For the disappointment families feel for one another.
For the family disappointed in me.
To this damned song I am listening to right now.
Those faces.
Ugly still beautiful for having the capacity to love and care and be passionate enough to cry.
Old faces and young faces and angry faces and love lorn faces.
Yours, mine and ours.
And in the end... the return of just one simple smile.