stealing your breath...

So, the wife has taken her talon's out of me and started to treat me like an average human being again. I am sure I don't deserve it but I will take all I can get.


So, not much has changed since last night. I am still your average fugly lookin' chubby dude cranking out unlimited shit writing at the pace of a retard at a pinata party.

Remember I am still waiting for more "Ask the Captain" submissions... if you have no fucking clue as to what I am talking about look back in this Blog for the Subject titled... "Ask the Captain".

So tonight I am feeling a bit Crabby-Grumpy-Fucking Annoyed, if you had yet to notice.

Here is my recommended listening for a "Fucked Mood"

Enjoy...

1. Error - Burn in Hell
2. Alec Empire - Overdose
3. Atari Teenage Riot - Fuck All
4. Lagwagon - Choke
5. The Bloodhound Gang - I hope you die
6. Dimmu Borgir - Puritania
7. The Dillinger Escape Plan - Phone Home
8. EC8OR - We are Pissed
9. The Vandals - Soup of the day
10. Johnny Cash - Delia's Gone
11. Nine Inch Nails - Big man with a gun
12. Ministry - So what?
13. Pailhead - I will refuse
14. The Misfits - Last Caress
15. Nine Inch Nails - Last
16. Probot - Red War
17. Smut Peddlers - Let's GET FUCKED UP!
18. Stabbing Westward - What do I have to do?
19. Tool - Opiate
20. Marilyn Manson - Man that you fear



and here are some cheerful little poems to turn that frown upside down....
ahhh...the sweet sound of sarcasm.



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The soul you so badly deserve to have ( feign ignorance)

Just reach out.
Touch me through the darkness.
Find your soul.
Your destiny.
I keep grabbing air.
A fistfull of darkness.
Another lie to pass the time.



Mistakes... Yet again...

we cannot make these mistakes anymore...
the burden has been lifted.
'We" are the mistakes.
I am her mistake...
as she is mine.
All God's farce.
The eternal mistake.
Was it a mistake to fall in love with you?
The answer's always come in the shifting of moods.
The answer will always and forever be...
unclear.


The distance of love. Between Heaven and Hell.

The black mark that started at my tiny heart has spread throughout my diseased body.
Poisons in my mind. My lungs. My soul.
My assassin's, how damn unfair to love your killers?
Snipping away little pieces of flesh and soul.
Some got away with it.
Clever things with tricky little murder tools.
Like the dark hair and wicked eyes that I still bleed for, even tonight.
My lover, my enemy, my adversary.
My jailer and destroyer.
Tipping my head back and squeezing in the poison.
She makes sad faces and when I turn to look away...
a smile.
I am in a state of dying.
No amount of air will save these poisoned lungs.
No amount of love.
No amount of forgiveness can heal this slow beating heart.
When these Sirens do me in.
Get the best of me.
Will I finally rest?
Or will they dig up my remains for more?
more of what I could never give them...
a real sincere piece of me.


He told me...

The mountains will grow and black out the sky with dark strangling tree's.
The wind will carry soft voices that I have yearned to forget for many, many years.
I have seen my hopes and dreams trampled under the feet of my love.
He told me not to cry and be strong.
I have yet to follow that advice.
"Listen to me" he begged.
But I could not.
I feared too much.
Loved too much.
Failed too often.
Words of wisdom fell on deaf ears.
Eyes gouged out for the fear of seeing the sunrise yet another day.
Bring your heart home.
Let your love conquer.
Be the hero.
I lied to you all and went on to pretend I did.
Even now the demons scrape and pick at the heels of my lies.
I will be pulled under eventually.
Say goodbye quickly.
I have no more strength.


The trip into oblivion

Sitting at the bar, another drink in my hand.
Room spinning.
Eyeballing the girl across the bar while she makes her best repulsion face.
Buy another drink.
Swallow.
Repeat.
An angel sat beside me and offered me a bit of advice...
"It's all in your mind you know?"
He got up and left a glass of water on the bar... half empty.
Buy another drink.
Swallow.
Repeat.
The man with the horns and forked tongue takes my money and smiles.
"Your welcome here anytime sir" he says to me.
I know.



The fast talking first move of a desperate man.

I can see by the way she licks the lipstick off her front teeth...
that she wants to be split open with my love.
A night of her eating my sin and re-applying make up and sweating it back off.
She is too good for marriage.
She holds me close and rubs a hidden palm against my chest.
My heart stops for only a moment.
Could this be love?
Reading my mind she says...
"No, but for another $50 it could be."
This is how kingdoms die.
This is how Heaven was set on fire.
This will be the last horrible thing I will ever do.
This will be the last thing I ever do.



Vacant and coming home

The house I filled with love is empty and cold.
The possession's are gone, no longer walking this home filling the empty rooms with laughter and warm smiles.
The photographs in the picture frames have long been smashed and burned and buried underneath thousands of pounds of other peoples throw aways.
Look around and the only one there to greet you is the cockroach scurrying when the light falls upon him.
No amount of windows could bring the sunshine into this home.
I back out slowly and close the door.
Goodbye Childhood, You will be missed.



My mistake is your laugh riot.

We should have pulled out the surgical knives and gutted one another a long, long time ago.
God damn cowards.
Too stupid in love to do the right thing and rid the world of it's two most pathetic fools.
We have poisoned the well.
We have to learn sometime...
It's not as funny as we thought so at first.
Ironic and laughable.
Never funny.
Laugh in that lost and pathetic way that teeters between laughter and sob.
Don't be coy.
We both do it so damn well it should be a taught course.
Close the book and get some sleep.
The cat has erupted from the bag.



An unfriendly sky.

The day is shrouded in static and dark, dark clouds.
A sense of doom is in the air.
Doom for whom?
For us all my dear.
The day holds wicked vile promises.
and I swear to you...
we wont make it out alive once we step out that door.
And I am guessing, that our feet will hit the pavement at the same time.
Gluttons for punishment and fools to the end.
Good luck.
Humanity is going to need it.



Her letter.

She wrote as the way she spoke.
Soft and gentle.
Prepared to heal all wounds.
She said:

I can't say I know exactly what you are going through. But, I am here for you. Times are hard and I know that once the darkness grabs a hold of you it feels cold and alone, but I am here. I am prepared to love you. T o pull the pain from your bruised body and teach you that being happy can exist. That the heart and soul are not truly meant to suffer. I love you! Come home to me...
I am waiting.

If only he took the time to read the letter before hand.
I f only.



Under the wrong sky

I am still sitting here.
Pining away for what I know I can never have.
Her love is not a thing I will ever posses.
I am here in this room that has become more like a tomb then anything else...
under the wrong sky.
The wrong feelings.
She is under covers, looking up at an empty ceiling wishing she had the kind of love she dreamed about as a little girl.
She pines for a man she can never have.
Under the wrong sky.
Two hearts break a little bit more and the world continues on eating away at time..
unflinching and oblivious to two small souls under the wrong sky.



Goodnight and I truly hope you are all doing at least... O.K.

Captain PirateFace