Pornography on the Radio: September 2008

Monday, September 22, 2008

and the battle hymn dies off slowly into a steady and low sounding sob. When is this party ever going to end?

I have (I think) Anal Fissures, and I get ulcers.
I had the most unfucking funny talk with a teacher that
I would like to "not" name the other day.
I used the restroom when I got to work the other day,
and had to rush to get out and be where I was needed,
I work with kids... I am a campus Security Monitor.
Well soon after work had begun this "Teacher" came
over to me and said that I had left blood in the toilet after
flushing....

..............................................

..................................................

ok.
And that he knows we all have our problems but I should
do a double take when finished and then if I see any blood
or guts (his words) I should take a paper towel or a moist towelette
and clean the inside of the toilet up so nobody would ever have
to perchance across one of my horrible bloody disgusting messes
again.

.....................

........................................

ok.

The least fun I have had in a conversation this year (so far).

yep.
_______________________________________________

The following was written at 8:05pm on Saturday September 20th 2008

Kind of a hard day, not in terms of hanging out with Gabriel.. in all honesty
he was an angel.. no pun intended. I just felt vacant and misplaced... as if not belonging anywhere.
But still kept my smile and spirits up for and because of Gabriel. We now, as I am writing this.. are waiting in the cool September night air on a patch of equally cool and comfortable grass to watch the band Everclear play for free tonight in North Las Vegas. Both of us wearing plastic "kids" firefighters helmets, Gabriel holding a knock off lightsabre he won in an
indurance of strenght match with a mallet (Carney Game). Me holding a blow
up Spidey Mallet he won earlier in the very same game. 4 crisp waters unopened
and ready and one opened in each of our laps. The stage crew is slowly getting things
ready as we listen to an unamed individual pound out an unoticable drum beat, testing
out the drums. Gabriel now tapping on my plastic fire hat demands my attention
so he can proudly tell me about the bridge he crossed and the slide he went down
earlier that afternoon. I put down my pen and listen to my very best friend in this
whole wide world.

Captain PirateFace

p.s. writing...as in "Poetry"...TONIGHT.

P.P.S. You smell like ass.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

he wishes...

He wishes for the cloths of heaven

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.

 -- William Butler Yeats

un·cer·tain·ty

[uhn-sur-tn-tee] Pronunciation Key –noun, plural -ties for 2.

1.	the state of being uncertain; doubt; hesitancy: His uncertainty gave impetus to his inquiry.

2.	an instance of uncertainty, doubt, etc.

3.	unpredictability; indeterminacy; indefiniteness.

heart·ache

[hahrt-eyk] Pronunciation Key

–noun

emotional pain or distress; sorrow; grief; anguish.

be·tray

[bi-trey] Pronunciation Key –verb (used with object)

1.	to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty: Benedict Arnold betrayed his country.

2.	to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust.

3.	to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends.

4.	to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.

5.	to reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal): Her nervousness betrays her insecurity.

6.	to show or exhibit; reveal; disclose: an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern.

7.	to deceive, misguide, or corrupt: a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly.

8.	to seduce and desert.

re·morse

[ri-mawrs] Pronunciation Key –noun

1.	deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction.

2.	Obsolete. pity; compassion.

in·san·i·ty

[in-san-i-tee] Pronunciation Key –noun, plural -ties.

1.	the condition of being insane; a derangement of the mind.

2.	Law. such unsoundness of mind as affects legal responsibility or capacity.

3.	Psychiatry. (formerly) psychosis.

4.	extreme folly; senselessness; foolhardiness.

de·serv·ing

[di-zur-ving] Pronunciation Key –adjective

1.	qualified for or having a claim to reward, assistance, etc., because of one's actions, qualities, or situation: the deserving poor; a deserving applicant.

2.	meriting; worthy: a criminal deserving of a lifetime sentence.

jack·ass

[jak-as] Pronunciation Key –noun

1.	a male donkey.

2.	a contemptibly foolish or stupid person; dolt; blockhead; ass.

bro·ken

[broh-kuh

n] Pronunciation Key –verb

1.	pp. of break.

–adjective

2.	reduced to fragments; fragmented.

3.	ruptured; torn; fractured.

4.	not functioning properly; out of working order.

5.	Meteorology. (of sky cover) being more than half, but not totally, covered by clouds. Compare scattered (def. 4).

6.	changing direction abruptly: The fox ran in a broken line.

7.	fragmentary or incomplete: a broken ton of coal weighing 1,500 pounds.

8.	infringed or violated: A broken promise is a betrayal of trust.

9.	interrupted, disrupted, or disconnected: After the phone call he returned to his broken sleep.

10.	weakened in strength, spirit, etc.: His broken health was due to alcoholism.

11.	tamed, trained, or reduced to submission: The horse was broken to the saddle.

12.	imperfectly spoken, as language: She still speaks broken English.

13.	spoken in a halting or fragmentary manner, as under emotional strain: He uttered a few broken words of sorrow.

14.	disunited or divided: Divorce results in broken families.

15.	not smooth; rough or irregular: We left the plains and rode through broken country.

16.	ruined; bankrupt: the broken fortunes of his family.

17.	Papermaking, Printing. a quantity of paper of less than 500 or 1000 sheets

em·pa·thy

[em-puh-thee] Pronunciation Key –noun

1.	the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

2.	the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself: By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.

Nine Inch Nails
-and all that could have been-

Breeze still carries the sound
Maybe I'll disappear
Tracks will fade in the snow
You won't find me here

Ice is starting to form
Ending what had begun
I am locked in my head
With what I've done
I know you tried to rescue me
Didn't let anyone get in
Left with a trace of all that was
And all that could have been

Please
Take this
And run far away
Far away from me
I am
Tainted
The two of us
Were never meant to be
All these
Pieces
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see
In my
Nothing
You meant everything
Everything to me
Gone fading everything
And all that could have been

Please
Take this
And run far away
Far as you can see
I am
Tainted
And happiness and peace of mind
Were never meant for me
All these
Pieces
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see
In my
Nothing
You meant everything
Everything to me..........................................................................

i am tired and need sleep and cant sleep and couldn't sleep. and that's what i get.
i don't know how to do this whole "life" thing... i just keep fucking it up. i can't seem
to get things right. i just don't have a single fucking clue what to do anymore....
nobody has the answer either, friends, family i even thought that praying would help...
all i got in response was mostly shrugged shoulder's, "i don't knows" and silence from the
so called "great creator". silence all night long when all i needed to defeat the darkness
around me was the laughter in a voice. lame captain.... lame.

it's 7:21 am and i still have yet to sleep or rest and one of the most important days in a very
long time is today and i will be fucked in all manners. when my mother gave birth i wonder
if she had wished for any children that had lived?

no more name

as the world went white and horrible he found himself alone and afraid.
and he could almost bare the loneliness that was driving him further into madness.
as long as it kept it from all those that he loved.
he was nobody here.
no name.
no personality.
no more heart.
no heartache.
fair trade he thought.
and if they never found him again, maybe they could hold on to a good memory...
instead of all the bad ones he himself had created.
and as the white world succumbed to darkness he held his hand out wanting..
knowing it would never feel the tight embrace of another's ever again.

and it had to make sense...
didn't it?

_________________________________________________________

Nine Inch Nails
-select lyrics from "Hurt"-

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Friday, September 05, 2008

Heads Down...............

Head Down by Nine Inch Nails

You
What you looking at?
Head down
Too late
for that
What you want
What you get
Know your place
Don't ever forget
And this is not my face
And this is not my life
And there is not a single thing hereI can recognize
This is all a dream
And none of you are real
I'll give anything
I'll give anything
Hey you
What you
running from?
All your hate
What you've become
Bet you didn't think
It would happen to you
All used up
Half way through
And this is not my face
And this is not my life
And there is not a single thing here
I can recognize
This is all a dream
And none of you are real
I'll give anything
I'll give anything