have you ever seen the light

I feel as if I just can't seem to move beyond this unmovable rut.
I feel as if (and this has nothing to do with "suicide" so nobody panic and start calling help lines) my time on this earth is running short, like I am almost done or maybe outlived and expiration date
labeled someplace on my soul.

My medication won't be ready for pick up until Friday which = Balls.

I started taking Lexapro to help with my Bi-Polar mood fuck ups...
I am not really sure as to how I truly feel about this but we will see.

I wish I had more friends, at times I feel very lonely and that kind of adds a bit more craziness to the neurotic feelings I already have.

Here is some brand spankin' new poems by yours truly made up on the spot... and remember, it has to hurt if it's to heal.





A ray of sunshine!

I never could understand how you could smile at the sky and swear up and down that it was
beautiful just for us...
How the stars were ours
and the half moon in all it's Cheshire Cat smile glory was hanging in the sky
all due to our love and acknowledgement.
But not anymore.
I hope your stars still shine for you.
I hope your moon still hangs in the darkness over your head...
And, I truly hope with all my heart that it still makes you smile.




Baby, I'm your man.

I may be a mess baby.
all scars and sore bones and ugly face...
is all for you.
My fist clenched tight with my heart buried deep within my palm,
My eyes wet with sentimentality and fear
and the way I mumble through my words...
all for you darling.
This boat may be leaking but I will swallow away the sea water for you.
This cloud may be raining and the lightning may be flashin' but I will shield you
from the oncoming storm.
This road may be lonely and the path may be rough, but baby...
I can't stop to smell the roses when you are that much closer with every step.
Baby, I'm your man.




The lost tears of the last time I cried.






























































p.s.

Brandon, makes me cry.... yo.