i am still right here

Fuck all of you who do not understand.

Understand this, you don't live my life so you don't know how it feels to deal with my daily crap or what it is to be me.

so again, fuck off if you don't get it.



hey you.. you could have had it all.
But...
you gave up so easily.



me too.


tomorrow is "first friday" i will be there with the usual gang of idiots. so if you need to punch me in the face, i am guessing first friday is the best chance you've got.
i will be passing out my shitty zines.
work is _____.
my marriage is ______.
so my life is pretty much ________.

That is all.



climbing the mountain

step by step
blood in the mouth
blood in the smile
I ache with every foot fall.
I let the thrill and excitement lead me on.
I am empowered.
And when I reach the summit...
I pull out wadded letters that you had written to me.
Ink smeared from tears and fast food grease.
I look closely and can make out certain words that I know had to be lies.
I open my hand and stretch out the fingers as the paper's get carried by the wind into the chasm below.
I pretend it was you I dropped.
And I love you.
What's more romantic than that?



The way it should have been

We all were meant for great things.
Some of us died off.
Some of us made a life of prison.
We all lost touch.
We became the things we feared.
We became our mothers and fathers.
Whores.
and,
Drug addicts.
Liars.
We became passing ghosts caught between worlds in regret.
Bad husbands and bad fathers.
The fear consumed our fight.
Our need to win.
None of us became astronauts or presidents.
None of us became rock stars and ballet dancers.
None of us became writers and hero's.
We drowned.
We deliver mail. We re-fill your drink. We change your tires and check your oil.
We answer phones with a headset in a cubical. We stop fights in public schools.
I don't blame any of you... it's not your fault.
We all just gave up, as the parents and teachers had predicted.
And if you do not fall into this category...
get lost, we don't need you.
This is our shade of grey.
This is our mundane utopia.
Besides that, our children will take up where we left off.
........
we hope.



I can't see if those tears in your eyes are the real deal

You stay snide and heartless.
Your smile becomes fierce and full of venom.
But those beautiful eyes always betray you.
Tears welling up and falling gently when you close your eyes.
I pray in those moments that those tears could just posses the whole of you.
But we both know that it's just not in you...
there is no room in that diseased heart for compassion.



One last time we spy back on the angels

While the sun sets and the storms rush in and blanket our love story,
we tear at each others throats in total anticipation of the kill.
Deep in love with distorted memories of one another.
The scars are more visible than the features.
The mirrors reveal dark circled eyes and heartbreaking sad faces.
And I can't help but take a step back and get that cold feeling as though I am looking at my empty grave.
are my angels laughing
or crying?







See ya later.

Captain PirateFace