First off I would gladly like to address my very first "Ask the Captain" question! Yay!
Our first question comes from Ben Hall, Comic Book artist, Super Nice Guy, Owner of www.blueskycomics.com , and one of the nicest damn guys I have ever met. Here is a picture of him...
Sorry Ladies he is taken...
And to add insult to injury not only is he taken...
He was voted "Best Nipples in Texas 2006" and "The Hot Dog Cram Champ 2006".
Ben was so excited and determined to get this question answered he even submitted it twice!!!
Benjamin Hall said... I have a question!
Can you tell me the exact location of the "G spot"?
3:01 PM
Before I start let me point out some observations...
Ben let a full minuet go by before re posting his question... anxious?
Notice on the second question he added in the exclamation point.. (hmm?)
also elaborating on "The exact location". He needs precision damn it!
Well Ben, Let the ol' Captain take a swig of rum and put on his ol' Captain's hat....
Well me hearty! If ye be like the captain ya need not know the mythical location of the G-Spot! But let this old sea dog help ye out anyhow...
I was once asked this same here question by a cabin boy who shared the same
name as you... Ben.
First I drew the poor lad a map which I shall include in this here post!
Now some may be confused by this so here is the answer you seek!
First you get yer best dagger and cutlass, ya take the dagger and the cutlass
and put it in yer fair ladies hands and tell her "If I be getting to rough,
Ye may need to protect yerself." Then... Dig for buried treasure me boy!
She will love you forever (until you leave her at the next sea port that is!)
Arrrg! Make sure to do the deed on the ship for the rockin' and swayin'
of the boat will do most of the job for ya!
I hope I answered yer question me boy!
____________________________________________________________________ Well kids, Let me tell you... I officially fucking hate the Clark County School District! I get treated like shit and finally have given in to the saying I never thought would hold any Merritt for me... "Over worked and under paid". As of late, No matter what I do or how I do it... One of the five supervisors I have finds fault with what or how I am doing it while the other four sit back and say nothing... the funny thing is I only do what I am told! It's the classic case of too many "Cooks in the kitchen" or as I like to call it.. "Too many Assholes in the building!". One will tell me to do something, then one will get pissed, freak out on me and ask me why I am doing it. When I tell them because I was told to do it by so-and-so there response is "oh", and then they walk away. Not a "Hey, Sorry for coming down on you" or "My bad" or some recognition of treating me like a fucking slave. Nope. I am the low man on the totem poll. Let my life be a cautionary tale... I screwed up as a kid and now have to work in a job that does not provide for my family without working a second job (while still scraping by), and be told to do everything under the sun by over paid, over fed assholes. breath in... breath out. Sorry, sometimes a good rant can semi-heal, near fatal wounds.
____________________________________________________________________ Oh, by the way... if you would like a link to your website or blog on my links section... let me know, I would be more than happy to link it up... maybe even get a link on your site back to this here shit-machine!
____________________________________________________________________ Here is some fresh crap strait from the diseased mind typing away as I speak! (WTF?)
____________________________________________________________________
Beasts
Laughing and snorting.
Chewing food loud enough you can hear the teeth grind together.
Almost too much to take.
You could probably abort their own children...
Stick it on a plate and serve it up, and these beasts would eat on up.
Counting the hours until I can go home.
If on judgment day St. Peter asks me if I suffered...
This will be the day I will bring up on the top of my list.
Heartache's and Heart Attacks
She's twisted up...
like organs intertwined...
complex and alien to me.
I know she has a heart...
Without one she would be gone from me.
It's a soul she lacks.
You see the body never lies.
You can see her living and breathing.
Aching with dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep and late nights.
Lungs black from too many cigarettes to accompany the drinks killing off the liver.
She's rotting the inside...
Just like she is rotting the soul.
The birds still sing for her.
Though we all know she doesn't deserve it.
But we all play medic...
trying to save this patient...
as often as we can.
The Heart Never Tires
Like the blood flowing through this body.
Pumping through this massive heart.
The heart never tires.
And for this I know.
As long as it carries this life blood through me.
I will love you forever.
This life's blood...
mixing with this soul.
She left the television on all night long.
The note said...
I can't take this... you... us anymore.
And left the television on.
A video was playing. Just her swimming in a pool.
Blue soft water during a hot summer day.
She did this to say: "Look what you lost".
I let the video play.
Stop.
Rewind.
I hit record on a station with no picture, nothing but snow.
And this quickly becomes my new favorite video.
Taking away the little power she had left.
Even though I still shed some tears whenever I put that damn video on.
I won be she remains "winning".
And.... i am spent....
I leave you with Lyrics to the best 2 Lagwagon Song's ever written...
"Making Friends"
As you in this search for something to hate
I can feel you rally around someone with your peers
but can you stand alone
Can you take the long way home
Cause I stood in the circle a hundred times before
and I feel safer in the eye of a storm
You can throw your stones
I'll only bleed for you one day
They all answer to the hearsay
but they will only care for one day
It's so small and I would love to show you
all I can see you in the middle of a doubt
You told them we had a falling out
Sick your dogs on me as you take the easy way out
So I will be a freak show when the circus comes to town
and I will rain on your parade without a sound
Then we will draw a crowd that's only breaking down for one day
I graduate this class with honors
I will never fail drama
Making Friends
Will you still hate me tomorrow?
and
"sleep"
Hi it's me I'm bored again all is well I'm not insane
I've been drunk for seven days everything is fine
i made some friends broke the ice
then i ate bread and cheese to gain some weight keep me warm
every thing's o.k.
(chorus) it's me delivering psychosis over the phone to you
i color your world blue
ten thousand miles from you
I'm sinking all alone
treading new waters
i miss my buoy
the van smells like a dirty sock
everyone has got the flu
I'd rather be sick of you
I'd rather be asleep
(repeat chorus)
when i get home the band will have it's first hit song
you and i will buy some rings and a suburban home
I'll bring home the bacon bits
we'll make our parents grandparents
I'll take you out to breakfast at night
and then we'll go to sleep
Goodnight... Love, Captain PirateFace
FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where exactly is the "G spot"?
2:59 PM