Panic attack. I'm losing it.
"I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can't feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often." — Charles Bukowski (Tales of Ordinary Madness)
Monday, February 27, 2012
i dont like mondays
What misery shall we have today despite all the misery that befell you yesterday?
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Sunday, February 26, 2012
...
I am going to end up falling apart. I can barely keep it together now...
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fucked.
Yet again. So she took me off her facebook. And she is done of me I believe. Another girl I have fallen in love with leaves with a "fuck you". I must deserve this? As it keeps happening and happening. I am so fucking sad right now. All I can do is duck in and out of the bathroom all day so my son doesn't see me crying. I love this girl so much... I should of known it wouldn't last... she's a ten and I am a one. I miss you already Briana... how dare you brake my heart? Like you said you wouldn't do? Like all the others said... I love you. And now I only have my son again. My anchor to the world... without him I would die. I don't want to lose my girl... I just don't know what to do.
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Thursday, February 23, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
i know that everything sucks.
So... I almost broke my knuckles this weekend. I punched a heavy wooden furniture item and it was much stronger than I and clearly the victor. So... suffice to say I am a fucking moron. I am tired and sad... what's new right? I have come to the conclusion that I am just... tired. Beat the fuck down. Nobody who loves me can tell me why they love me... its like they just do so because they are supposed too. And those that say they love me can't seem to stand to be around me. I'm fucking up again lately... I don't want to speak it aloud... but I am fucking up.
God help me.
What of my girlfriend you ask?
What girlfriend?
The girl I love recently lost somebody close to her and its hurting her deeply. All I can do is stand aside and be there.... hopefully she doesn't forget me.
Everyone is going away and I am powerless to stop them.
I can't write anymore tonight...
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Saturday, February 18, 2012
i got a crack in my heart
I don't feel right lately... like, nothing really seems to make sense or work out lately. I am tired... all the way down to my soul. I wish I knew what to do... this whole "thing" is fucking with my emotions. And those are fucked enough. Whatever... who fucking cares anyway?
Captain PirateFace
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Thursday, February 16, 2012
i wish i wish i wish...
How I wish things were better. I wish it was all just a bit more clear. I don't want the answers to the universe. I just want to understand and figure out life once in a while.
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well...
Everythings terrible. Things are falling apart all around me in everybodys world. I hate all this.
I am done.
And sad
And finished
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well... fuck it i guess...?
Never could get this whole thing down. Nobody told me swallowing life would be like choking down a huge black mans fist. Never once did I get this information.
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Tuesday, February 14, 2012
shooting the shit
Hello weary travellers... I get it. I understand. I miss you dark sky. I miss you stunning rainbow. Most of all my sweet girl... I miss you.
Captain PirateFace
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Sunday, February 05, 2012
losing always.
It seems as though... despite all my best attempts at happiness... I am doomed. So, this week I plan to go to the dr and go back on anti-depressants. I have made this choice because lately I have had terrible, terrible thoughts. And... I am afraid I will fall back into "other" things to numb pain and forget depression. But no matter how many pills I end up taking to make me "smile" my life won't get better. People will still treat me like shit. I will still be broke all the time. I will still be alone.
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Thursday, February 02, 2012
really?
Two woman who claim to love me... tore me apart today. Treated me like utter dogshit. I don't understand. I am not so terrible.... am I?
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Wednesday, February 01, 2012
when you wish upon a star...
Now I find I hope you are all breathing well.
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