the static hum of the radio....

and she smiles at me and i forget who i am for just a minuet. i forget the world and that made me happy.


love

captain pirateface

Good Morning, Captain.

So, My weekend was awesome all the way around. Good times with Gabriel, Good times with a certain lovely lady. Went to Mt. Charleston yesterday... Good Weekend fo' sure... the rest is none of your god damn business! ;)

We're all made of shipwrecks. Every twisted beam.

Truly beautiful... i wish i wrote it.

We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living

and since that first breath… We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I’ve been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts

and it’s not only when these eyes are closed

these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will…
so I’ve built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviours
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts…
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison… that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward…always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we’ll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on y’all and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

Happy so happy!? Could it possibly fucking be!?!?!?

It's so damn nice to be feeling happy despite the lack of funds and the stress of the job. It's so nice to smile and actually mean it instead of just politely faking.

Just thought i would let you know that as of today i am feeling pretty good.


Love,

Captain PirateFace

Call no man happy... who is not dead.

i so wish i was this fella today... soooo happy and he has fish!

                                                                   Ron Swanson... is the fucking man... nuff said

Love Zee Captain

(sheepish)

Even salty ass sea dog's have their titular and small moments in the sun.




i hung out with a beautiful woman last night and it was awesome...


that's all you need to know you god damned voyeurs ;)




                  Love

                                                       The Captain 

the people i know...

i am lucky in the respect that i know many artists, writers, musicians and intellectuals (or people that think they are at least) So, i wanted to share a new creation by a buddy of mine, Ryan Lewis.

If you enjoyed please take a minuet to let him know.

Captain PirateFace

the smell of rain...

we all just wan't a little candy is all....

                                come on... gimme some candy......

When i read this poem by Bukowski... It makes me think the world won't always be a shitty place.

we will taste the islands and the sea 

I know that some night

in some bedroom

soon

my fingers will

rift

through

soft clean

hair

songs such as no radio 

plays

all sadness, grinning

into flow.

- Charles Bukowski

A slew of things on the mind as of late. Times are tough... financially, socially, whatever...
i have been living with my parents for a bit (the last year) It started out with them helping me out after i had my last car repossessed and lost my apartment due to lack of summer work (Thanks CCSD!!!)... well, after i had moved in my father started losing hours at work and it has been steadily getting worse. So, i have been helping with bills, mortgage and etc...  Leaving me consistently broke. 


and being broke keeps the lonely lonely.




i woke up to the smell of rain today. i didn't wan't to get out of bed, all i could think of was how wonderful it would be to hide away all day under those bed sheets. i start everyday that way i think... in a battle of picking myself up out of bed and existing . Well, i am here now aren't i?


now, i will plod along in my job today keeping the real me hidden way back behind a few facades. it's what's gotta be.Just sick of the same old crap over and over again... being broke. being alone. no gas. fuck.


When you list it... it makes it much more depressing.








and about the whole lonely thing...


listen..


i know that it is my own fault. Being a huge chicken shit doesn't help much... it is brought on myself. Sometimes i don't even try anymore. If i get asked out on a date or someone want's to hang out with me... i end up chickening out, or... i just give up. Also, i have met a few awesome girls who i am not attracted too. One girl got mad at me and said "If your so alone why don't you just settle?"..... The answer to that is... no. Just because a girl is sweet or sweet to me does not mean that i am going to fall in love with them. Sorry... my fickle mind is like that. Fuck Settling. but then again... Fuck being alone too.












i choke


through tangible dreams and intangible moments
in the face of fear and doom and terror.
through tears and laughter and bullshit
i choke
on your words, and tears and angry messages and
love notes and vicious lies.
i choke
on my spit laced words
with my fragile pen
while the volume turns down, down, down...














stop


we fell beneath the sky, melancholy in our journey.
patiently trying to fit our goodbye letters into glass bottles.
hoping our thoughts would be kindly received by the sea
our most secret feelings churning and floating and bobbing along.. 
with a chance that these hopes may be carried on the waves forever...
or drown in the darkness at the bottom of the sea.

Pulled Shut


The sun breaks through my sealed blinds.
Begging to be let in...
But i keep it dark in here.
Safe.
Away from all those people that hurt me.
Away from the "big world" that always finds a way to disappoint me.
This shadowed room keeps me away from the external heartache.
Sadly though... i just can't seem to get away from poisoned thought memories...
or this room. 













































and now my theme song....

Man Alive! i swear i am not a bad guy! what does one have to do?????

Captain PirateFaced

when you wish upon a star...

Fallen


the balance is achingly lost on me.
always in a point of discombobulation and faltering...
wavering and teetering.. 
foolish tower that holds my heart.
collapsing over and over again

                                       The Captain

But Captain... Don't you know that it's insane!?!?!?

Hello big ol' world.

How the fuck you been?

i like the word "fuck"...

fuck fucker fuckity fuck fuck.

now i feel much better.

and we begin.....

So... i am "trying" to not be a moody bastard all the time. "Trying" being the key word.

and have been failing miserably the last few days. Sometimes it's hard to fabricate forced feelings...

you know what i mean?

you know i really thought she might call me on my birthday... stupid right?

Rats

got caught up in my dramatics again.

self brought on neurosis.

not even knowing who i am in the morning.

trying to hold back laughter and tears

just stay quiet stupid...

maybe they won't notice you.

i used to smile...

 Into open arms we gladly fall...

i couldn't create her...

i couldn't open up the heavens and snatch her away.
i couldn't know her...
i would never know the sweet taste of her kiss.
the gentle touch of her hand
the soft touch of her skin...
this non-existent fantasy girl.
she lurks about in the back of my mind..
one big tease.
Smiling and waving from a distance i could never travel..

never survive.
i hope she has something that torment's
her near as much as she torments my mind

Love was made. Hate was Born. Loneliness.... their shitty little child.

pain in the very words that detail my soul

i look at you all
in the big, big world. 

ignoring each other.

ignoring everything.
we yearn for those same things...
a hand to hold, comfort, love and all that bullshit.
but we all end up standing in the rain with our mouths and hands wide open...
waiting for the rain... drowning in the rain...
waiting for what we were all promised from the time we were children..

that the good guys will win.
that love is forever.
that growing up won't be so damn bad.

we are still waiting, still being deceived, still praying for rain.
meanwhile my silly little soul is trapped out in the desert...
aimless and wandering and wandering. 

     are we winning? and if so... how do you know?

   i keep crossing finish lines with no waiting crowd gathered.
 i keep conquering the mountain and nobody cares.

    are we winning? 

Building up the hearts and knocking them down

Our wounds collected and festering.
Candy hearts and shitty poetry,
Our sympathy and pain spread out onto the world
through technology and loneliness.
Our hearts and minds changed by passing tides.
Our souls in constant jeopardy of some angry passing God.
Beached wales and coma kids.
The arrow after it has been ripped from pierced flesh...
dripping with blood.

 "They seem wild but they are so tame" -Arcade Fire- "Rococo" 

we are not alone. we number in the millions. we control more than you know or would like. we work with your children. we take out your garbage. don't discount the insane.... it's the way of the future baby!

Love, Captain PirateFace

P.S. A Poem by my amazing little boy... Gabriel

I like the World

I like grass and trees and places.
I like the Earth and mountains and rocks...

these make "happy".

-Gabriel-