sick

you have to be an idiot to keep torturing yourself like this...

saw a picture of an ex today posted in May of this year, of said ex passed out with a bottle of alcohol...
this picture does not make me angry. or mad.
it makes me so fucking sad my stomach hurts right now.

and again...

i did this to myself.


you can't help who you miss. or love.
whatever.


She was so beautiful and pure, even after the mess our lives had become...
i hope she hasn't turned into that girl she so desperately despised...

i wish i could just stop thinking about her, it's so fucking painful. and not in a "tortured artist" sense of the word. it truly hurts my heart to think about her. if i write more... i can't even try to write about her more tonight. it's as if there is a black hole in my heart, that sucks the very life and love from me. fuck fuck fuck... this sucks. 5 months since she left and it still feels like yesterday. fuck... at least i am still sober... right? whatever.




The long summer has started..
























Going to Buffalo with my dad for 16 days... maybe i will find peace thousands of miles away from this shit shitty sin city.

My apartment is gone. My cat is about to be gone. It all just kinda fucking sucks now don't it?

fuck.








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new writing soon-ish for those that actually give a flying fuck.