The better part of the morning was spent crying.
yes... i said crying.
been having a rough week...
rough as far as missing someone who could care if i was alive or dead.
missing her every damn day and anytime "anything" reminds me of her.
she doesn't even think about me... and it makes me sad.
i want all these poor women who have loved me to be happy once they have gone and broke my fucking heart... i really do...
now i just don't know what to do.
with me.
i have done all that was told of me to do...
clean up, bust ass at work, be a good dad, be a good friend...
everyone told me, you do these things and life rewards you.
i call bullshit.
i have been, and am doing all these things and it certainly seems to be constantly raining shit.
the girl i fell in love with left me. again. and again... i loved each one and each one left.
yes ladies... i am single! sign up here and please try to maintain a line... i know there are a slew of you (sarcasm for those of you going... huh?). girls don't want me. i am the interesting and caring "John your so great and i wish my asshole boyfriend was more like you" friend. and that is all i ever am, the sympathetic and interesting (i.e. "weird") friend you keep around so you have stories to tell later that day.
i know i do this to myself... but tell me how to turn off the caring and love and need for a person you practically breathed in for 2 1/2 years and i will gladly comply...
nobody should have to feel this sad and hurt.
nobody should have to feel this way....
even a mundane pirate such as myself.
love,
captain pirateface
"I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can't feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often." — Charles Bukowski (Tales of Ordinary Madness)
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