sad
one of the saddest things i have ever seen
has to be the McDonalds Resteraunt
inside a Wal-Mart Super Center.
Dead wally world employee's...
chomping away on McFattyBurgers and
grease soaked fries.
White trash eating white trash...food.
i order 3 cookies for 99 cents!!!
left standing
she asked me...
"a little sunshine in your rain?"
and i fell in love...
in love with a made up girl.
a girl who cannot exist.
she say's these cute little things everytime i daydream
us a moment away from reality.
here...
she is perfect
and loves me.
and never leaves me.
then reality dissipates my fleeting bit of make believe.
and i am left standing alone.
alone with love and aching for a girl that will never exist...
a girl that truly loves me.
POET SPEAKS TO YOU!!! THE READER!!! jazzed yet?
i used to breath fire!!!
at least i like to pretend i did.
i have always been this big, klutzy pussy cat.
The guy the gals could go to with their fella problems...
except not gay.
though... with the lack of ladies in my life who wouldn't think it
at least once... right?
listen, i love the ladies...
i do.
it's just that the above mentioned "ladies" don't have any love for me.
well, i gotta go pick up decoration's for my "Pity Party"..
i might as well even get the "Wah Wahs!!" to play...
who knows?
right?
Captain PirateFace
still chasing the "one's" that got away...
"I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can't feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often." — Charles Bukowski (Tales of Ordinary Madness)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
well... hello there stupid.
The better part of the morning was spent crying.
yes... i said crying.
been having a rough week...
rough as far as missing someone who could care if i was alive or dead.
missing her every damn day and anytime "anything" reminds me of her.
she doesn't even think about me... and it makes me sad.
i want all these poor women who have loved me to be happy once they have gone and broke my fucking heart... i really do...
now i just don't know what to do.
with me.
i have done all that was told of me to do...
clean up, bust ass at work, be a good dad, be a good friend...
everyone told me, you do these things and life rewards you.
i call bullshit.
i have been, and am doing all these things and it certainly seems to be constantly raining shit.
the girl i fell in love with left me. again. and again... i loved each one and each one left.
yes ladies... i am single! sign up here and please try to maintain a line... i know there are a slew of you (sarcasm for those of you going... huh?). girls don't want me. i am the interesting and caring "John your so great and i wish my asshole boyfriend was more like you" friend. and that is all i ever am, the sympathetic and interesting (i.e. "weird") friend you keep around so you have stories to tell later that day.
i know i do this to myself... but tell me how to turn off the caring and love and need for a person you practically breathed in for 2 1/2 years and i will gladly comply...
nobody should have to feel this sad and hurt.
nobody should have to feel this way....
even a mundane pirate such as myself.
love,
captain pirateface
yes... i said crying.
been having a rough week...
rough as far as missing someone who could care if i was alive or dead.
missing her every damn day and anytime "anything" reminds me of her.
she doesn't even think about me... and it makes me sad.
i want all these poor women who have loved me to be happy once they have gone and broke my fucking heart... i really do...
now i just don't know what to do.
with me.
i have done all that was told of me to do...
clean up, bust ass at work, be a good dad, be a good friend...
everyone told me, you do these things and life rewards you.
i call bullshit.
i have been, and am doing all these things and it certainly seems to be constantly raining shit.
the girl i fell in love with left me. again. and again... i loved each one and each one left.
yes ladies... i am single! sign up here and please try to maintain a line... i know there are a slew of you (sarcasm for those of you going... huh?). girls don't want me. i am the interesting and caring "John your so great and i wish my asshole boyfriend was more like you" friend. and that is all i ever am, the sympathetic and interesting (i.e. "weird") friend you keep around so you have stories to tell later that day.
i know i do this to myself... but tell me how to turn off the caring and love and need for a person you practically breathed in for 2 1/2 years and i will gladly comply...
nobody should have to feel this sad and hurt.
nobody should have to feel this way....
even a mundane pirate such as myself.
love,
captain pirateface
just past the surf... the sea creature drags me down slowly to my death...
well then...
she haunts me while i cease to be
He wrote Hallmark Cards.
Hey silly poet, here's a band-aid for that bum ticker... alright scooter?
the captain's defeat... and rebirth.
i am walking around again.
the living dead.
i am the walking wounded,
battle scars exposed to the world.
it's always about you John...
i hear the faint sound of Halloween songs in my head.
i stare at old photo's, working up old memory tears.
i sing my own lyrics to the compositions of Beethoven and Chopin,
butchering their beauty with my broken hearted verses.
i hold my own hand because nobody else wants the job.
i write juvenile poetry in blue composition books filled with
my certifiable chicken scratch.
i see beauty in love in everyone and everything...
even though i am constantly let down.
hello.
how are you fine people i pretend to talk to when i update my blog?
fine.
good.
i guess it's time to proceed.
____________________________________________________________________
Oh Baleen!
My sea Goddess!!!
My Enchanting mermaid!!
I want to crash around in the ocean surf with you.
My Enchanting mermaid!!
I want to crash around in the ocean surf with you.
I want to dine in fine krill restaurants.
We will go buffet and you can chow down as much as you like!
May the tides push us together forever...
May the tides push us together forever...
* Baleen Whales can eat up to four tons of small fish and krill in one day
she haunts me while i cease to be
every where i go
even when i retreat into the darkness of closed eyelids,
she is there.
every time i drop my guard...
her face comes to mind...
and i hate it.
i hate the taunting beauty i miss so terribly.
it's time i said goodbye and meant it...
i am ready.
if you would just kindly remove your hand from my heart.
is it love or torture or both?
is it love or torture or both?
who fucking knows....
right?
My sun implodes leaving this galaxy vacant and dead.
My sun implodes leaving this galaxy vacant and dead.
Dramatic Title:
Check
Black, runny, dramatic ink:
Check
Soundtrack of misery choice for the evening, Portishead:
Check
"It was gonna be God Damn beautiful"
Check
"It was gonna be God Damn beautiful"
he thought.
He wrote Hallmark Cards.
Knuckle fucking a stranger as a means to say...
"Hello Sweetheart!"
"Hello Sweetheart!"
Hey silly poet, here's a band-aid for that bum ticker... alright scooter?
i drive everyone i love away.
i wish i was normal.
i wish i wasn't a loser.
i wish i hadn't fucked up half my life.
i wish i was normal.
i wish i wasn't a loser.
i wish i hadn't fucked up half my life.
my world is falling apart...
and i am trying so damn hard.
i am holding on.
but do not know if i can much longer.
struggle kills hearts and souls.
i want to love and be loved.
oh dear god i am going to die alone...
i want to love and be loved.
oh dear god i am going to die alone...
but not without a damn fight.
the captain's defeat... and rebirth.
i am walking around again.
the living dead.
i am the walking wounded,
battle scars exposed to the world.
making the normals wince.
i stare out to sea
looking past dark waves
slowly making way up the shore
i stare out to sea
looking past dark waves
slowly making way up the shore
like black ink exploding into bone white foam.
the waves gentle lull, a peaceful whisper in rhythm with my heart.
i watch for my ship.
i watch in restlessness, eyes wide open nearly unblinking.
i watch for the ship that sank long ago in sight of land,
to ferry my tired soul to calm, dark, peaceful places.
i finally close my eyes and collapse
the waves gentle lull, a peaceful whisper in rhythm with my heart.
i watch for my ship.
i watch in restlessness, eyes wide open nearly unblinking.
i watch for the ship that sank long ago in sight of land,
to ferry my tired soul to calm, dark, peaceful places.
i finally close my eyes and collapse
and dream...
dream...
dream.
it's always about you John...
i hear the faint sound of Halloween songs in my head.
i stare at old photo's, working up old memory tears.
i sing my own lyrics to the compositions of Beethoven and Chopin,
butchering their beauty with my broken hearted verses.
i hold my own hand because nobody else wants the job.
i write juvenile poetry in blue composition books filled with
my certifiable chicken scratch.
i see beauty in love in everyone and everything...
even though i am constantly let down.
i live in a desert and crave the ocean so bad i could scream.
i will become rainclouds and add pure drama to your dreary day.
i love more than i will ever get to be loved in my lifetime.
we all fail a little bit...
i guess.
Oh Love, give me just one more chance..
i wont fail you again...
(fingers crossed)
i love more than i will ever get to be loved in my lifetime.
we all fail a little bit...
i guess.
Oh Love, give me just one more chance..
i wont fail you again...
(fingers crossed)
_-_-_-___----_________-------__-_--_________----________
not much to say. feeling pretty lonely these days... more so than usual.
i miss tania.
see you later.
Captain PirateFace
p.s.s.s.s.s.s.sssssssssssssssssss555555
Some of these may have made it into a previous post. If any did... sorry... Effin' Sue Me Aight!?!?!