"Wind in your sail"
-By Lagwagon-
It's negative
I wish you the worst dear,
to feel the greatest pain
A positive
You say it's all in vain
I know I felt, and I won't feel again
I know you Hours of madness, years of dysfunction,
the deepest embitterment No will to strive or achieve,
finale in breakdown
Perpetual fall on your knees, as you crawl back to me
It ends like this I can hope for bliss, if you fail again
'Cause I'm right here, to witness every step And when you trip,
I will cherish it
Hours of madness, years of dysfunction, the deepest embitterment
No will to strive or achieve, finale in breakdown
Perpetual fall on your knees, as you crawl back to me
I live to watch you fail, I live to watch you fail I live to watch you fail,
I am the wind in your sail
I wish you the worst dear, to feel the greatest pain
'Cause I'm right here, to retrieve all you stole
Every tear, and everything you own I wish you Hours of madness,
years of dysfunction, the deepest embitterment
No will to trust anyone
This is how I lived, this is how you left me blue
As I crawl back to you.
___________________________________________
i am listening to: "Mountain Halo" by: The Appleseed Cast.
______________________________________________
*
Bathing in moonlight while swallowing death
The current has shifted and brought me out to a wretched suck in the water dragging me deep into the undertow where the waves pound me against the jagged coral and slimy stones at the oceans floor. I inhale salt water and feel an instant burn in my lungs. I think of you and this life within you and without. I smile opening my mouth to let the ocean embrace me with icy fingers clawing down my throat. I let the ocean take me... drowning away my life, my pain and complications. Drowning away my memories of you. Sleep carefully my love... may you never have to swim this cold ocean alone. ____________________________________________________________________
So, things aren't ok anymore. i am in a tailspin like never before. i hate to be cryptic but i fear i cannot let this well fastened mask slip and show my true face in these here parts. words avoid me... leaving me that much more alone as not being able to let this rage and sadness loose from my burning aggravated gut. time will go by and one day i will be me again, but until then i am lost. a man with no home. a man with no heart.
*
Lost in childhood
mother.
these attacks that happen in increased viciousness and thick with venom must stop.
i need protection from this pain in a makeshift womb.
mother...
call your angry sisters and daughters away from this carrion man i have become
and spare my wounded heart from being picked clean.
stop the severity of their claws from lovingly separating tired skin
from it's soft and beaten flesh.
mommy.
they wound me and wound me...
licking the blood from their lips while smiling dark wicked smiles
reserved for make believe witches in fairy tales.
mom.
my soul is so very tired my heart beat has slowed to the steady crawl,
catching the rhythm of my tears.
lock me away this man child of your that i have become.
and i am so nearly gone that the shadows behind me threaten to devour me whole.
my internal scream comes spilling out from the throat in the form of a low guttural whisper.
and i cannot wait for the day when i have no voice to speak with.
when these dreadful, pain filled words cease to be.
i can almost feel that darkness awaiting me.
mom,
i wont forget to say goodbye to all your sisters and daughters and vengeful goddesses.
blowing a kiss before bowing out of this madness forever.
just another dark stain in the night sky.
*
Everyday
I know that I have been poisoned by you.
And my attempts at keeping those painful memories at bay
would take a lifetime to suppress.
And like a caged rat I gnaw at the bars wearing my teeth down
to broken and bloodied fragments.
Just like my own worn out caged rat's heart.
But maybe I am just bitter,
never thinking this shiny blade penetrating my gut
would have been lovingly plunged in by you.
*
Pillow Talk
We have been whispering little secrets into tear stained pillows.
Sharing fears and fantasies with whatever ghost sits listening in our room.
All these dreaded and perverse little secrets.
Begging beyond the walls for some of those secrets to fade away...
die off...
never have been whispered.
Even if they kill a little part of you.
Dying slowly per lost secret is far better than living with this heavy heart.
I wish I could share it all with you.
However it affects you.
and i am gone
Captain PirateFace
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