so you think you can tell, heaven from hell?

so, one day back and I am already going to be bitching.


I am just down.
I hate my "summer" job. The job I work at while waiting for my school district job to come back.
Today I got reprimanded by the 23 year old cunt-whore I work with/under. She is what we call a Recreation Assistant 4, I am a 3 which should explain where I am level wise compared to her. So she demeaned me and embarrassed me in front of the kids we all jointly watch. Here is the boring details. A co-worker of mine was telling three teenage girls in out program to line-up against a wall on our field trip today. The were refusing to listen but I figured he could handle the situation. The Rec4 says to both of us "You need to tell them to line up!". I being a dumb bastard defend my co-worker while trying to clear up that I was not involved. So I say to her, "He told the girls twice but they were just being difficult.", She then replies "That doesn't mean you can't step in and tell them to line up!" so as the girls are standing tow feet away I tell them "Line up" and my brilliant rec4 supervisor says to me "Don't get smart" and I say "I'm not." and she says "Now your talking back?!?" and I say "what? no..." and this is all happening while the kids are watching. So I walk over to her and tell her that she has it all wrong and she goes on to say "Don't get smart with me and I don't put up with the talking back, you need to just take it."

What a pleasant end to a pleasant day.

Last night I fought with my wife because I selfishly bought my son and I a dvd...
4 hours of fighting.
yelling, hysterics and tears..
all over a film and my selfishness.
I suck at life.

I truly mean this when I say it that If God does exist he is a big fucking bully. But I truly in my heart cannot believe that there is a God in existence that is this fucked up and cruel. Not just for my situation but for mine and many worse off. Is that your loving God? Fuck off with that.
If it works for you fine. great. grand. It just is not working for me...
fuck God.
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i cried all the way home today, and it wasn't just tears rolling down my face...
it was real sobbing. I am having a real hard time with this and I feel like I am heading for a real true life adventure nervous breakdown.


sorry to disappoint you all. especially if you are a religious person.

poetry later if your still here.....



Captain PirateFace