What now?
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"I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can't feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often." — Charles Bukowski (Tales of Ordinary Madness)
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
wishing..
i wanted so bad for some sense of normalcy. i wanted so bad to just have a normal life. i wanted to be so much better than i am. i wanted so much more than i will ever accomplish...
In Keeping the nastiness down...
Smile
Today I woke up smiling a "real" smile.
Her arms's draped over me. She is my Goddess and I am her throne.
No fear and sadness today...
Just the joys of waking up next to a God Damn beautiful woman.
(Dedicated to my beautiful girl, Briana)
Captain PirateFace
Today I woke up smiling a "real" smile.
Her arms's draped over me. She is my Goddess and I am her throne.
No fear and sadness today...
Just the joys of waking up next to a God Damn beautiful woman.
(Dedicated to my beautiful girl, Briana)
Captain PirateFace
Monday, May 21, 2012
full of hate and ugliness....
I have never met anyone on this planet I hate more than myself... full of ugliness.
I am a phony. A liar. Lowlife. Addict. Pervert. Piece of shit. Ugly... Ugly inside and out. Damaged Goods. Fat. Lazy. Perpetual loser. A sinner. A false prophet. Nuts. Crazy. A Lunatic. Psycho.
I see the mirror and I get sick... I get angry and I hate that fucking face so much, And all I can do is hate... as I am stuck with me... this loser... for the rest of my pathetic life.
fuck you and you and you and you....
fuck all of you... I hope you are enjoying the fucking train wreck....
captain pirateface
I am a phony. A liar. Lowlife. Addict. Pervert. Piece of shit. Ugly... Ugly inside and out. Damaged Goods. Fat. Lazy. Perpetual loser. A sinner. A false prophet. Nuts. Crazy. A Lunatic. Psycho.
I see the mirror and I get sick... I get angry and I hate that fucking face so much, And all I can do is hate... as I am stuck with me... this loser... for the rest of my pathetic life.
fuck you and you and you and you....
fuck all of you... I hope you are enjoying the fucking train wreck....
captain pirateface
Sunday, May 20, 2012
thank you for nothing Lover....
she sprung her trap the day she responded with "I love you too" for the very first time.
she laughed and cried through every hug and moment and orgasm
only to "shrug her shoulders" when the best of us began to die.
Did you have to be so perfect?
Did you have to ruin me for the rest?
she lost her passion for me... and I guess I understand.
she couldn't "Love" me... just like I knew she couldn't from the start...
but I never minded her "pretending".
She used to smile at me and kiss my mouth hello and goodbye.
She used to have me over for dinner and spend time with me.
We used to make love.
We used to laugh together.
I was her "heat rock" to snuggle up to on cold nights.
I now mean nothing...
I have lost another lover and another friend and wonder to myself if its even worth it anymore.
p.s.
she sprung her trap the day she responded with "I love you too" for the very first time.
she laughed and cried through every hug and moment and orgasm
only to "shrug her shoulders" when the best of us began to die.
Did you have to be so perfect?
Did you have to ruin me for the rest?
she lost her passion for me... and I guess I understand.
she couldn't "Love" me... just like I knew she couldn't from the start...
but I never minded her "pretending".
She used to smile at me and kiss my mouth hello and goodbye.
She used to have me over for dinner and spend time with me.
We used to make love.
We used to laugh together.
I was her "heat rock" to snuggle up to on cold nights.
I now mean nothing...
I have lost another lover and another friend and wonder to myself if its even worth it anymore.
p.s.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
who killed your heart?
I breath so slow now...
Trying to keep myself alive.
Without the need to fall asleep sobbing.
I listen to slow sad crawl music and it keeps the cracks, started by you... growing slowly.
You should have gave my heart back when you stole yours away. Its not fair and now all I have is this mess I have become. Hollow.
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awake to what i am.
You can't always avoid reflective surfaces.
Trying to avoide seeing yourself alone.
I always seem to catch a glimpse..
He seems so fucking sad.
Oh.
That's me.
Just another fat man pining
away and crying late into the night
for his own Marilyn Monroe..
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the state of my being
So... where is the. Captain at these days? Well...
Lonely.
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Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
A scene from "Never Ending Story"
Rockbiter: They look like big, strong hands... don't they? I always thought that's what they were. My little friends. The little man with his racing snail, the Nighthob, even the stupid bat. I couldn't hold onto them. The nothing pulled them right out of my hands. I failed.
Atreyu: No, you didn't fail. I'm the one who was chosen to stop the nothing. But I lost the Auryn, I can't find my luck dragon, so I won't be able to get past the boundries of Fantasia.
Rockbiter: Listen, the nothing will be here any minute. I will just sit here and let it take me away too. They look like big, strong hands... don't they?
- The Neverending Story
Rockbiter: They look like big, strong hands... don't they? I always thought that's what they were. My little friends. The little man with his racing snail, the Nighthob, even the stupid bat. I couldn't hold onto them. The nothing pulled them right out of my hands. I failed.
Atreyu: No, you didn't fail. I'm the one who was chosen to stop the nothing. But I lost the Auryn, I can't find my luck dragon, so I won't be able to get past the boundries of Fantasia.
Rockbiter: Listen, the nothing will be here any minute. I will just sit here and let it take me away too. They look like big, strong hands... don't they?
- The Neverending Story
and Sebastian.... son of "Moon Child"....
"And me I'm in the bathroom crying out my eyelids because it's hard to be a man when you're scared, just like a little kid."
-Bright Eyes- "Saturday as Usual"
Captain PirateFace as an innocent child.
missing my girl...
"You who never arrived in my arms, Beloved, who were lost from the start, I don't even know what songs would please you. I have given up trying to recognize you in the surging wave of the next moment."
-Rainer Maria Rilke-
"Extinguish my sight, and I can still see you; plug up my ears, and I can still hear; even without feet I can walk toward you, and without mouth I can still implore. Break off my arms, and I will hold you with my heart as if it were a hand; strangle my heart, and my brain will still throb; and should you set fire to my brain, I still can carry you with my blood."
-Rainer Maria Rilke-
Love and mad respect...
Captain PirateFace
-Rainer Maria Rilke-
"Extinguish my sight, and I can still see you; plug up my ears, and I can still hear; even without feet I can walk toward you, and without mouth I can still implore. Break off my arms, and I will hold you with my heart as if it were a hand; strangle my heart, and my brain will still throb; and should you set fire to my brain, I still can carry you with my blood."
-Rainer Maria Rilke-
Love and mad respect...
Captain PirateFace
You got that right!
sick sick sick (we don't need no education..... we don't need no thought control....)
Saw a group of teachers from my school eating together at the corner gas station Subway.... and even though some were what I would consider "friends"... the scene of them all together eating at Subway sent a shiver down my spine... it wasn't fear but disgust. I wanted away from them as fast as humanly possible. So leaving the gas station knowing my large ass would be spotted... I gave a short wave and got out of dodge. Never before have my eyes beheld an eerier scene....
Captain PirateFace
Captain PirateFace
Thursday, May 10, 2012
ghost
She is saying hello and goodbye in an intoxicating gesture.
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